How would you manage this toddler behaviour? Vans are ruining my life 🤣

[VansAreRuiningOurLives]

My two and half year old appears to be experimenting with the concept of fear. It started with the hoover. She would scream and roar inconsolably about the hoover, but she dropped it almost as soon as it started and is happy to have a turn hoovering and will sit on it (Henry). I don’t think it’s a genuine terror, per se. I think she’s exploring the idea of being scared, rather than actually being, if that makes sense.

The newest subject of this is vans 🤣 it’s so ridiculous it’s funny. Parked vans, moving vans, especially ice cream vans, all provoke screaming. The screaming and tantruming is quite sustained, she can’t be distracted or jollied out of it. It’s really difficult to manage out and about in a practical sense, as I have a 4 month old too.

Taking her home when she starts screaming is the easiest response probably, but I also think this might be rewarding the behaviour, as once she’s seen a van she wants to go home. We have a sticker chart which we’ve had success with for other issues (throwing food).

Anyway, I’m just looking for advice really. How would you handle this? I don’t really want to be housebound by bloody vans 🤣

I think I'd probably approach this like you would with a dog and liberally reward her when she's happy within a long distance of one then gradually shorten the distance until she's fine being around them.

Or can she talk yet? Can she tell you what she doesn't like about vans? Maybe one made a loud noise once and scared her? Can you get a little tiny toy Transit and try to take the fear away.

For me it would depend. Do you think there is possibly something more going on or that it is just standard toddler tantrums?

Maybe some vehicle books and van toys to play with at home. Make it a game to be the first to spot a white van/post van/ van with a ladder.

Ice cream vans is particularly surprising. Maybe it's the music that freaks her out?

Play spot the van and give the winner a smartie.

Shout ‘oh wow, a lovely red/white/green van!’

Visit a friendly van owner and explore their van.

DS spent a happy holiday sat in a friend’s caravan looking through the windows and occasionally opening/closing them.

She can talk. Her speech is excellent, but whenever I’ve asked her she can’t say anything specific, even though her language would mean she’s capable of it if she wanted to, I think.

I honestly don’t know. I’m leaning towards standard toddler tantrums as it can be turned on and off. If we’re going to her dancing club, which she loves, vans are usually ignored. If we’re going to Lidl, vans are a big problem!

Some great options and advice. Thank you all. I particularly like getting her a toy transit van, and playing spot the van 🚐

Aw toddlers do take the most minor things so seriously don't they! My DD became scared of beaches and would be inconsolable if we went to the seaside. We found this out on holiday in Majorca 🙄 after a lot of jollying her along we realised she was suffering from a form of agoraphobia and didn't like to be seen. So we told her if she wore sunglasses no one could see her and that worked!

It's horrible for your DD as she's not yet got the language skills to express why she's upset. I hope you get to the bottom of it (or she forgets she was ever scared of vans!)

If she won't answer questions about it try getting a toy van and playing with it normally, and then one day make a toy pretend to be scared and worried about it, and see what she does. Maybe ask her what should we do?

Personally, I'd start screaming and lying on the ground whenever we saw ice-cream so that, instead of getting an ice-cream, we had to go home instead because 'Mummy is scared'.

But I'm quite sleep-deprived atm (as no doubt are you).

Tempted 🤣

I think I'd just go 'oh what a lovely van' and stick screaming child under my arm and walk past it. I know it's not really that easy in the actual moment but the more attention you pay her because of the sodding vans, the more she'll play up to it. But then I am pretty stubborn.

Otherwise can you have some sort of anti van spray (water in a spray bottle) or special anti van sunglasses that she puts on if she's feeling worried?

What strange creatures they are 😂