Has the menopause changed you?

[Backtothe80splease]

And not for the better?

I’ve been in peri for around 6 years (am 51 now and no sign of menopause or periods ending). I absolutely hate what it is doing to me.

I feel that it was nicknamed ‘The Change’ for a reason and not a positive or enlightened change. I absolutely hate what it is doing to me, both physically and mentally. I am just not the same person I was 6+ years ago and I’m mourning that person (feel as though my dh and dc are too).

My lifestyle is the healthiest out of everyone of my friends. I don’t drink, smoke, I am slim, I follow a bland and sensible diet for my IBS (I have long term gut issues so have to be careful what I eat although my stomach has been so much worse since perimenopause), I exercise, go to bed at a decent time, I practice medication etc yet nothing eases this crumbling body and mind.

I have tried various hrt but as I have endometriosis (and a failed uterine ablation) this has only made things worse.

My social media is full of 50+ women living their best lives, eating well and enjoying great health, exercising with bounds of energy, socialising and looking bloody fantastic. I, on the other hand spend most days dragging myself out of bed feeling as though I’ve slept on a cobbled street, I wake with such high anxiety that I’m sure I will go insane very soon, I ache all over, am gassy, bloated and feel nauseated most days. I’m teary (anything sets me off these days, I’m super emotional) and so very depressed, could sleep for hours every day.

Right now I’m not a good mother to my teens, wife to my dh or a good friend (don’t want to see anyone really). I need to be strong to help my parents (mum has Alzheimer’s and breast cancer) but I feel that caring for them is destroying me right now as I feel so physically/mentally weak. I struggle with work too as that is a role which needs me to be strong. I just want to crawl back in bed as soon as I get out of it tbh. And I’m fed up putting a mask and pretending I’m ok.

Please 🙏🏻 someone tell me they understand or they’ve been through this and it gets better because the last 6 years have worn me down to the bone and no sign of getting better (and with no help from my GP, gastroenterologist or gynaecologist).

Could you have a hysterectomy and start HRT?

Honestly it sounds miserable and I would feel exactly like you do without HRT

I hope someone comes along with advice.

I can't have HRT. I'm 44 and probably coming into peri. I did feel amazing last year when I got into lifting heavy weights, that's the only suggestion I have and is my current plan. I also feel better when I get more sleep but have to work extremely hard at that.

What is the bland diet - what is a typical day for example?

That’s the ideal scenario. I’m on a waiting list for a hysterectomy but it’s at least a year long wait on the NHS and I can’t afford to have it done privately, so I’m stuck in limbo land until then.

I do exercise (although it’s like wading through concrete atm). I walk my dog for an hour every day, use my exercise bike, do a bit of yoga and weights every night but the weights really hurt my elbow joints.

I follow a low fodmap diet (I am under a hospital dietician). I IF so don’t eat until 11am (ish) which will be oat crackers and turkey, lunch is usually low fodmap veg with salmon or more turkey and dinner is usually steamed low fodmap veg with cod, salmon or (more) turkey. I try to keep my carbs low as they seem to cause more bloat. I’ve been dairy and gluten free for a long time. I can not tolerate a lot of foods including eggs, chicken, garlic, onions and most fruits. My diet is very bland and boring. Dietician is very helpful tbh, I have a discovery call with a private dietician today so hoping she may be able to help.

Tbh although the diet and exercise are great, they are in no way going to make up for the lack of oestrogen which is making you feel shit. The thing that would help with that is replacing the oestrogen. Are you on a cancellation list for your hysterectomy? Slots often free up in summer if you are available.

Btw are you sure you are eating enough? It does sound a bit joyless with no fruit.

Its the oestrogen which seemed to be make my endo pain worse which is why I’m loath to try it again. My endo gynae did warn me this could happen.

I’m on the waiting list but our area is so over prescribed our hospitals waiting times are ridiculous.

Tbh I’ve never liked fruit so don’t miss it at all, I can tolerate some blueberries and strawberries but I’m not overly bothered tbh. I do eat quite well and feel it’s enough, don’t think I under eat, I’m slim but not skinny or underweight.

Don't flame me...

I don't think you are eating enough sorry. Are you restricting carb to avoid weight gain? You have literally no carb in your diet and it also sounds very low fat so what actually is available for your body to burn for energy? Muscles need glycogen. Fat is a very efficient energy source in ketosis but that is hard to maintain. You need to look at a split of 40% carb 30% and 30% protein and eating your daily TDEE. A reason you can't digest food is probably compounded by the fact you don't eat enough - the body needs the same calories regardless and it will prioritise essential functions, the digestion system not being one of them. Things like avoiding UPF does help of course. Fodmap is only short-term so hopefully you are not on that long term as its too restrictive.

I worked with a personal trainer last year and it completely transformed my diet, my metabolic rate etc. I'm 5.6 and now eat about 2000 calories a day and don't gain weight, I eat high protein which avoids any sugar crashes and keeps carb cravings under control.

I had to earn it by lifting heavier weights as I was able to gain muscle mass and then my metabolic rate increased. Lifting handweights is only one part if it - squats are the thing and there are other push pull exercises that may be easier like lat raises, cable machines etc.

OP, are you sure you’re not misattributing the issue here? It just strikes me that even if you took menopause out of the equation, you’re describing a woman with ongoing chronic illnesses (IBS, endometriosis), what sounds like a high-pressure job, and a lot of major stresses (mother of teens, your own mother with Alzheimer’s and cancer) — isn’t this in combination quite enough to explain the bloating, exhaustion, poor sleep, high anxiety etc?

I don't know if it's all menopause because I suffered a significant bereavement as I turned 50. I also wonder if it's just having had enough of working and feeling there's no likely further progression, also maybe the after effects of the Covid lockdowns, but having been a really committed and contentious career type for 3 decades, I really couldn't care less about work and am amazed I (appear to be) getting away with how little I do.

I don't like it, but I don't appear to have the ability to change it. No interest, no focus, no care.

It's less pronounced but similar in my home and personal life too

I'm 56 and menopausal, on HRT. I feel less "up for it", so can't be arsed or talk myself out of doing things (like going camping or to a gig). But happy to potter at home, which was NEVER me. I am also more moany and anxious. Jesus, things I worry about would make you spit yourself coffee.

In essence I feel like I am getting old. It's shit. I miss the laughing, more care-free and doing stuff me. The 40 year old me would be horrified.

My husband isn't the same person he was 6 years ago either! Who is? Not everything is the fault of the menopause

I know it looks as though I’m not eating enough but that was just a quick recap. I eat good sized portions. I’m not on an no carb diet, I regularly eat new potatoes or sweet pots with my meals and vegetables which have carbs. I mainly keep away from bread, pasta, white rice etc. I’m not looking to lose or maintain my weight, couldn’t give a stuff about my weight if I’m honest, I’d rather be a little overweight and be able to enjoy my food, I keep these carbs lower because they cause me to bloat so much which causes so much pain.

I am under a dietician (at the UCLH gastro department), he’s happy with my diet. Regarding the fodmap, I’m not in the elimination stage, I completed that years ago and now know my triggers and which foods cause issues, I’m on the personalised stage which is what the diet was designed to do.

I do have a telephone call with a potential new (private) dietician today who specialises in the menopause and hormonal issue, maybe she may suggest something else? I’ve experimented with my diet lots over the years and this (lower not zero) carb diet is this only one which hasn’t left me on the loo half the morning, every morning although admittedly I’m still struggling greatly with my gut but am certain it’s being made worse by my hormones as I keep a diary and it’s certainly worse/better at certain times in the month. It was never like this pre-peri.

Well I’m glad for your dh, but that’s not what I’m saying is it?

Ever since I hit perimenopause 6 years ago I’ve started to struggle with so much and that wasn’t how it was before this time. The very weight of struggling with the physical and mental load from that is changing me and if it’s not to do with my changing hormones then what the heck is it?

Yes, this is exactly it!

The stress in my life is definitely not helping but it seems to have been compounded by the start of peri.

All of my stresses were there before but they were much easier to deal with both physically (endo for example wasn’t an issue until now) and mentally, peri seems to have been the final nail in the coffin so to speak.