Working ft with secondary kids

[GeneralMusings]

So I'm going for a couple of job interviews this week. I'd love some help thinking this through.

I've always worked pt since having kids but mainly school hours. The job I really want is full time and only 1 day a week wfh. I think the hours are a bit flexible but I don't know how/when to ask if I could do 8-4 (8-4.30?).

Kids are 15 and 12 (going into yr 11 and yr 8)

The job is a 30min drive away on traffic but could be a bit more in bad traffic.

If I wfh one day a week and husband can be home early 1, day a week that leaves 3 days where they will be home until 5 or 5.30. Will that be okay?

I always wanted to have "someone home" but the nature of the jobs I'm applying for is they're not conducive to lots of wfh but wfh seems so common now.

My youngest likes being picked up from school and will have to cycle /bus but it is only 3 days. They can stay and work at school but I think that's til 5 and I don't think I'd get there on time.

Everything else - Husband is happy doing evening driving kids places and helps with cooking etc. He's v hands on and home himself around 5.30. He could take kids to school before he went.

Id need to leave 7.20 to get to work if I wanted to do 8-4. I'd adjust to that right? I currently go to work after dropping kids off.

If they say its 9-5 should I still go for it.

What point do you clarify that you can do 8-4. Presumably interview is all about me trying to show them my skills?

(and I'm getting anxious about interviews too. Probably peri and never used to be this anxious!)

Will it work?

Also should I ask for parental leave over daughters gcses?

Of course it's fine. I'm a single parent, worked full time since DS was 7. Loads of us have to do it! I wfh 3 days a week admittedly so that made it easier. DS was coming home to an empty house twice a week from age 11, I've never picked him up from secondary school.

Regarding parental leave for GCSEs it really depends on your individual child I think, DS has just finished his and I didn't take any leave, he's not the type to stress much and he's cleverer than me so he didn’t need me to 😂

Is it them being alone for a couple of hours that's worrying you?

They will be fine. At that age they are perfectly capable of amusing and feeding themselves of necessary. I'm sure everyone has a phone in case of emergency.

I have worked full time since mine were 5 months old. 5 days a week in the office, no working from home.It is perfectly possible when they are in secondary school!
Personally I wouldn't ask for leave over GCSES, not sure what your company would be like but it wouldn't be received favourably where I work.

Thankyou. The people I know who do it wfh permanently or like yourself most of the week and in my head that would be so much easier! Less commuting, time to unwind at home and ability to do something at lunch.

Also being there when they come home even if working.

Mine would be outside of the house and I think that's what I'm struggling with working out how it will look with but the job looks fab and it would help so much financially.

Move - thankyou that's what I was hoping to hear! How have yours managed secondary and what do they do when home? Snack and chill?

Gcses. She's autistic and anxious and we're in a circle of wfh type friends better off than us who will pick up after exams and I guess it's in the back of my mind. But I do want the job and it's come up now!

The majority of secondary school kids will come home to an empty house. They just eat and relax on their phones. I think you are overthinking it at their ages. You can still offer support for GCSEs whilst working. Go over revision plans together in the evening, check how they are getting on etc, but you don't need to actually be there in person. The increased independence will probably do them good and is the beginning of setting them up for coping later on in life.

Thankyou. I don't think any of their friends do in either year group so it's probably a squewed sample I have. And also none of my friends kids do (mostly wfh/wealthy intake) which is why I came to mumsnet as it really isn't "most" kids in our circles. It's literally no kids!

Don’t discuss hours in the interview, concentrate on selling yourself and your skills. You could potentially talk yourself out of the job discussing your family logistics. If you get offered the job then is the time to ask because you know they want you. I’ve twice asked whether they would consider 30 hours and had it agreed when offered positions. If they say yes then you can work 8-2:30 which includes a 30 minute break. If they say no, you’ll make it work full time I’m sure.

We hang out in different circles 😉. Honestly you will be giving them a huge advantage in being more independent and learning basic life skills than your peers kids when it comes to college and university.

Wait until you're offered the job to discuss working hours. My DH has done that several times over the years because I work shifts. Even those who haven't stated they're flexible have agreed because they want him for the job.

Your children will be OK on their own for a bit at their ages. Whether you feel OK with that is different, but if you both work full-time office type hours, then you may have to accept it.

Autistic DD was most put out when I started WFH as she lost her couple of hours home alone, she relished it.

You'll be fine expect 9-5, it's perfectly normal to work those hours and secondary age children will be fine. Obviously if her autism has other additional needs attached you'll need to re-evaluate .

I've never, ever heard of parents taking parental leave for GCSEs, it's really not a thing in most circles. You don't need to be there all the time model calmness and multitasking etc to your anxious DD. Help her with her revision plan and she can get on with that whilst you are working

Ha singleandproud I actually think she could well enjoy the space!!

Hairy - were not at all well off I just mix in some odd circles of mainly wfh people and the school has a similar demographic! It really helps me to get out that bubble on here!

As you can tell my brain leads to anxious when I can't imagine something. And I've gone down a "I don't want this to stuff up her gcses". I'm happy to think that could be irrational! I'd be less anxious once actually working and I know how it works but I've not slept much with brain spinning!

My parents used to work FT when I was a teen and I loved those times on my own after school. A chance to decompress before the ‘how was your day?’ questions and I just used to lie on the sofa watching rubbish. I remember mum used to ask me to start dinner while she was out (nothing strenuous, just something like turning on the oven and putting in the casserole she’d already prepared) and I felt she was being very unreasonable, but looking back it’s the least I could have done 😁

I don't think any of their friends do in either year group so it's probably a squewed sample I have. And also none of my friends kids do (mostly wfh/wealthy intake) which is why I came to mumsnet as it really isn't "most" kids in our circles. It's literally no kids!

I find that ridiculously hard to believe.
my child who is in year 7 comes home to an empty house. He did it in year 6. It’s not an issue. The idea that they need someone to come home to at those ages just isn’t true. My son loves the peace. I suspect they will like the independence!

Of course it won't stuff up her GCSEs, it really is not common to have a SAHP of teens in most places.

I didn't say no kids at their school. I said in their circle of friends. Both have 8-10 good friends and I know /have met some of them and know the set up. They all have someone wfh or flexitime or part time. Wfh is so common now!

Similarly it's not surprising my circle of friends has been around in the day if I've previously been around.

Find it hard to believe all you want but I wouldn't be starting a thread about it if it there were real life examples I could ask!

Your disbelief helps me lots though as it helps me to know it's "normal" elsewhere!

Beez - difference between "stay at home" and wfh /parents who wfh between them I think.

Most people I know work so are not sahm but many work part time like myself or wfh.

They will be fine. DC used to come home to an empty house when they were in Primary school. Loved the independence and learnt to look after themselves. We explained to the DC what a difference my salary made to our finances eg., we could afford a holiday in the UK again and they were perfectly happy. Make sure you make some time for them when you do get home.

Hey op it will be fine! Many (most?) secondary age dc are home alone after school.

Mine started coming home on their own in yr 5/6. I was home by about 4pm then, but when they were at secondary I wasn’t back till 5pm or later.

Do your dc already have time alone at home or independence to go places alone? I assume the 15yo does but how about the 12yo?

Once home, mine did HW, ate, watched TV, gamed, whatever. What do they do at 3.30pm now? They’ll do that.

Since the beginning of Yr6, mine have at home 2.5hrs once a week while I'm at work. They get their dinner, do homework, watch TV, shower (its late afternoon/evening rather than straight after school). Eldest did it from summer of Yr6, then youngest joined her a yr later when she was in Yr6.

Eldest is in Yr8 now, and stays home alone for a few hours a few times a week. Youngest is still in Yr6, but stays home without her sister on occasion.

They are used to it, and its got longer over time.
Not a single parent, but DH works away so its just the three of us a lot.

I would say it’s totally normal and your kids be completely fine for a couple of hours on their own at 12 and 15. Parental leave for GCSEs wouldn’t normally be needed either- unless your DD suffers with anxiety maybe? Otherwise I can’t see why you’d need time off. You can help her (if she needs/wants help) in the evenings and weekend

I think you are being a helicopter parent and doing a disservice to your children.

Your kids should get themselves to and from school and be allowed the opportunity to be independent after school. They are not in primary any more!

i genuinely think this type of thing leads to anxiety, lack of confidence and ‘failure to launch’ for lots of kids.

Of course it's fine, at that age they could be starting getting dinner ready a couple of nights a week.
My 13 year old gets the bus home 3 days a week and if we're not WFH will just let herself in. No problem at all.
Assume they have mobiles so can contact you if there's a problem?

Bear in mind that pre pandemic there was much less WFH so even your circle would probably have not been at home all the time. All the WFH is very recent.

I think it's great to model to your daughter that you can pursue a job you really want and make that work with a family. A really great example.

Wait until you are offered the job then explore what is possible.

Can your husband change his hours if you're really worried? It sounds like his career has taken the front seat whilst the children are younger, so now it's your turn and he can find a way to make it work.