Introverted 7 year old - how to help her

[mamatothreebunnies]

Please no judgement, I’m not suggesting being an introvert is abnormal and I am an adult introvert but I just don’t know how to deal with and help my child who is an introvert. She is often described as “shy” but she isn’t shy, she’s actually very confident but she just refuses to engage in anything she isn’t interested in. She can’t fake it or join something to please other. Which is a great quality to have in life and will probably be highly beneficial in later life. But right now, I feel it is affecting her school life, she has 1 close friend only, an equally calm and introvert girl and then just love being around each other.

has anyone got experience raising a young introvert child? What do I do / not do. I often worry about if she’s even happy or content. Always in her own head space.

as an adult, I have handful of friends, who I spend time with not a huge amount. Love being on my own, very easily overwhelmed with many people and detest new social settings. But I’ve learnt to deal with all these things and as a grown up I can choose to / not to put myself in unwanted situations. But she’s still young and there will be so many things she has to do, including school, plays, performances, parties, etc

You sound so thoughtful and lovely. I am like you and your daughter. My own daughter likes her own company and I worry whether I'm setting her up for a harder life as both her parents are very socially awkward. I try to push myself out of my comfort zone but i find other people so draining!
Basically I don't have any advice, I'm just in the same boat as you. I grew up like this though and I'm successful and have a good career, and I do friends. I have a few close friends rather than many acquaintances. And there's nothing wrong with that!

This sounds like me as a child, always just had one best friend. Could be very confident but also very shy. Only interested in what i was interested in. I now think i'm probably ND as DS has ASD.

How does she find school? How well does she manage if her friend is off sick? Does she enjoy parties? I'd say encourage her but don't push her too hard, small steps if she's not sure about something. Mostly just accept she's introverted and don't make her feel like that's a negative or bad thing. There's nothing wrong with having one best friend if that works for her, it sounds like a fantastic friendship. Don't get ahead of yourself either and start catastrophising, just support and encourage her all along the way.

I agree with above - what a great mother you are. Just to reassure you my 7 year old boy was so shy and (really sweet and kind) but cried as he had no friends, played on his own at lunch and didn’t speak out in class. Dh and I talked to his (amazing) teacher who made sure to swap him about in class so he mixed a lot better and we invited local children around at the weekends and anyway 3 years later - he has his voice, had a niche group lovely of friends (some boisterous and some just like him)

My Dc benefitted hugely by attending one to one speech and drama sessions- LAMDA. It’s worth talking to her about the skills of making conversation- my Dc could not understand why I would make conversation with people - then she started seeing the benefits- tips on parking/ recommendations etc, and how social chit chat was helpful.

you are a very thoughtful mother and your daughter is lucky to have you. I also have an “individual” on my hands, and I think it’s important to realise they are just that. She might be lucky and find her tribe early, maybe it will happen later. I feel my role is to keep her confidence up, so she doesn’t change herself to fit in, if she had confidence she will find the right friends eventually. As much as I’d love her to have more external friends, the fact that she really hasn’t clicked yet means she’s really close to me and her dad. I’m hoping in secondary school she branches out but it’s a natural thing and i don’t want her to feel pushed too early. The main thing is she values who she is, and I think that’s where you are trying to get your daughter too. Just remember, kids can be cruel, and they regret it. Your daughter might be a bit more mature in her thinking, but they will catch up.

My DD is like this, but only on occasion has she felt left out - and even the most outgoing child will feel that!
As long as the child is content and not much bothered about only having a few/one friend then leave it alone. My DD hated it when forced to be with others. She can do it when she has to but why put her through that if she doesn't?
I have a very outgoing son who is not nearly as confident inside and I feel he needs more support as he does feel the lack (Covid was devastating for him).

Have been thinking about this on and off since posting my reply and the more I think about it, I've realised that my mum and grandma are also the same. They teach a limit where they get "people"-d out and need to spend some time by themself to recover.

When we went on holidays, dd had cash to spend so we made her do her own shopping so she could at least talk to strangers if she needed to.

And, again, as she got older, we would send her to the bar in a pub to ask for her water etc - situations that were busier or more formal (art gallery shopping as a ten year old?) and required more of an effort. And she did it all well.

And she wound up singing a hymn in an old church choir loft because she loved the acoustics so much. That was one way to conduct a physics lesson.

But if she didn’t want to talk, she just wouldn’t.

If you haven't already, read Quiet by Susan Cain. Although she is American, her advice on rearing introverts is great.