I’m lonely

[Apolloneuro]

I’m in my early 60s and am lonely.

I do have a couple of friends, but I’m on their reserve list, if you know what I mean. I see them once every couple of months but only if I instigate it.

I think I must be a bit boring! My best friend died 30 years ago. I just wish I had someone to chat on the phone to or drop round for coffee. I did have a friend, but she was very flakey and in the end I realised that she wasn’t that interested. She just used me for support and talked about herself all the time.

I have gone to things in the past and tried hard to integrate but then Covid stopped everything. I’m also now chronically ill. I’m overweight and depressed (I sound charming, don’t I😂)

My husband works a lot and I’m on my own a lot.

Not really sure why I’m posting. Probably just feel a bit mopey.

Well at least you have a husband. I am single, parents both deceased, I have no children. Have a couple of friends but live alone and spend pretty much every evening alone with my dog. I can't decide whether I'm the luckiest person in the world (I have no caring responsibilities, no one to answer to or to have to please, pick up after or worry about) or the saddest person alive as I am so alone and probably will be this way for the remainder of my life.

People will say 'join a club', volunteer or work harder to make friends, but you can't fill all evening with acquaintances and you can't fill a life with small talk.

@Apolloneuro do you like animals? It sounds to me like you need the company of a dog or if you're not a dog person, a cat? Incredibly healing, great company, no bullshit. I'm never lonely in the company of my pets

@Superlambaanana are you dissatisfied with your lot though? You sound a bit ambivalent

@Superlambaanana you’re right that just joining clubs isn’t the whole answer. Sorry you feel lonely. I do have a husband, but our relationship isn’t great.

@grungey thanks for the idea. I have a cat. I’d like a dog but am not well enough to look after one. X

Not even a very wee dog?sorry to second guess you but I was surprised how my mums tiny dog needed so little walking and she’s got a fancy poop scoop that she can use without bending. He bags been such a wonderful companion to her since we list my dad

I’ll have a think x

I’m a similar age, neither my husband or I go out to work and we do things together so I’m lucky but we’ve made new friends from our activities. Could you find some classes you’d be interested in and then go along for the enjoyment of the class? Even if you don’t make new friends (but you might) you’ll be spending time with others enjoying a shared interest. There are so many things you could do you’d be bound to find some interesting. Ditto volunteering, charity shops or hospitals often have opportunities for volunteers. I’m sure you’re not boring but being sociable is a skill and like any skill if you don’t practice it you can get a bit rusty, once you get started it will become easier. Good luck. X

I'll second the dog idea. Pets are the best companions in the world.

I am ambivalent. Most of the time I am either very happy being alone or simply content. Only very occasionally I feel it's an issue - mainly because we're told it's 'unnatural' to live alone. People who live alone turn 'odd'. 'Loners' are troubled people who others should avoid and fear. So I spend a lot of time making sure I maintain family connections and friendships, some of which I'd probably be happier not to bother with.

I'm sorry your relationship isn't great OP. I think that might well be worse than being alone.

@Lovepeaceunderstanding thank you so much for your ideas. I work part time, but from home. I think I feel defeated, if you know what I mean? I’ve tried, but Covid and then long Covid have just left me feeling like giving up.

People like me well enough, but they always have ‘better’ friends. I know it’s me, as it always happens. I’ve got a working diagnosis (at my old age) of ADHD. I just can’t seem to get close to people.

Sorry. What a whingebag I’m being!