So dh and I live in a part of the UK where we get barely any help towards childcare costs. We live where we do as it's a reasonable commute for both of us for work but it means we're far from my parents who don't work anymore (they do my sisters childcare) but close to dh parents who help from time to time but are both working full time still. It also means we can't move much further away from the main city than we already are which means things cost more.
I know that this is first world problems because we are lucky enough to have a house and a mortgage and the security that comes with that but we bought this house with the intention of it being a starter property to get us on the ladder and that we'd fix it up and sell. It's small and in a rough area and it's old. We've put a lot of work in over the last few years updating it with the intention that we would sell and move when we started a family but now that ds is 1.5 and in nursery full time we're stuck and I'm really starting to struggle with it.
Our garden is tiny and I've made the most I can of it with a vertical vegetable patch etc so ds can help me in it but there's not really enough room for ds to play outside apart from a water table. We've got mice and cannot get rid of the bloody things no matter what we try (and we have tried everything). I'm really conscious that as time goes on the house is going to need more serious repairs (new roof as its flat) and we don't know what damage the mice are doing. It's quite damp and we're really fastidious about managing condensation but in winter especially it's just impossible and because the windows are old we spend a fortune on heating oil because we can't keep ds bedroom warm when the sun goes down. We've had to sell furniture just to make space for ds to be able to have a corner to play in and there's no space for him to be able to run around - all space is utilised as best we can as we've no attic and little storage.
Dh and I are both in full time work, we don't generally spend on luxurious things, can't afford to go on holiday etc- our main 'non essential' spend is daycare for our dog but he's a very high energy breed and we'd need to walk him at least 2 hrs daily if we didn't have daycare which isn't realistic with a toddler and two busy jobs and we want to make sure he's properly looked after.
I just feel so frustrated. I've worked so hard to get high up in my career (albeit in a sector that's not well paid) and dh is in a good job as well at senior level but its impossible for us to move due to childcare costs. The nursery ds is in isn't the most expensive in our area either (thankfully since it was also the only one we really liked) so it's not like I can easily move him to something cheaper. We've seen a lovely house with a good garden and it would be ideal for what we are looking, the problem is it needs updated. If we moved we'd have no money leftover for savings as all our leftover income would be eaten up by mortgage and rates. We would love a second child but can't even do that in our current house because we couldn't take on another £12000 a year on childcare. Its eye watering.
We're both pushing 40 now as we met and had ds later and I just feel like I've missed the boat to be able to have the family life and home that I always felt I was working towards. We work so hard and we are careful with our money. I know I should just be thankful for what I have but I'm really struggling. I want to give ds the type of upbringing I had with a sibling and a nice home in a safe area with a garden to play in and I feel like I'm failing him by not being able to provide that. I do try really hard to take him out to the park etc lots and logically I know I'm a good mum and give him a nice life but I worry about him getting older in this area as most of the kids in this area are involved in things I wouldn't want him near at really young ages.