Sen school taxi - how do you work?!

[Norpeth]

I have an 11 year old (starting year 7 in September) DC who goes to a Sen school and has a taxi pick him up for school.

I am absolutely desperate to go back to work. I've found a job that is pretty much school hours, and term time only. As good as I'm ever going to get.

I have my other 3 DC sorted with potential childcare but it's my 11 year old I'm struggling with. An adult needs to be at home when he is picked up/dropped off. Even if that wasn't a rule, he isn't mature enough to be left alone. This job would mean me leaving the house before him.

How do other people do it? Am I supposed to just never work? It's not just the money. I'm sick of being in this house and my whole life evolving around the kids and housework.

Just to add, DH leaves the house before 7am every day and can't change this due to what he does. Working from home isn't possible for the same reason. We have no family help whatsoever. I had to take my 2 preschool kids to a smear test with me. Plus we've just moved to a new area and I don't know anyone.

Yep it’s rubbish, no idea what you should do I’m in the same sort of position. I really want to work, I’m capable of working but childcare reasons I have no hope! My husband earns a decent amount but I’m so bored! Sorry I have no suggestion but you certainly aren’t alone.

I had this for years and it was very difficult . I just could not work those times , I had to work evenings when my husband was home and part time . When DC was 15 , I trusted that they would be ok - I had cameras installed , a lot of training about locking the door in the morning and how to unlock it in the afternoon and I was only leaving about 15 minutes before them in the morning and I got home at around an hour after them in the afternoon . It was only when I felt comfortable that they would be ok home alone and I had neighbours checking in . I had to get permission from the school and transport for me to not be there to walk her to and from the house to the taxi - I don’t think that would have been given at 11.

It’s really difficult and I sympathise . I did find an after school club when she was around 10 - the taxi would take her there instead and then someone from inside came out and got her then I collected her around 6. I was lucky that I found a job that allowed me to come in as soon as she had been collected in the morning and for a time that was such a help as I could work every day and this club also operated a holiday playscheme. Sadly , after 6 months they closed with a days notice ( I then had issues as tax credits contacted me about the childcare they had been paying me asking for receipts - which they never gave me , i naively paid cash - and I couldn’t get hold of the owner so there was a big investigation, luckily for me they must have found something out about them as they didn’t charge me or anything ) I then found another similar , and after not even 3 months they closed due to the owners Ill health ! After that , I never managed to find another as I found a few but they didn’t have the capacity to send a staff member out to the taxi every day to get her in , the driver or guide could not leave the vehicle to take her in because of other children in the taxi and so I was stuck because of that as she obviously couldn’t walk in on her own. I had to go back to nights .

One thing that may be an option is a childminder . I searched extensively and found one that had the availability , and didn’t have school runs , so that I could drop her in the morning early and she could be collected by transport and then transport could drop her in the evening and I could collect her later - however , at this point she was 15 and she would be in a house with a childminder that was looking after babies and I felt that it might be detrimental for her with the feeling that she needed to be looked after like babies . It was at this point we decided to let her be at home alone for a bit and it has all worked out well . It would take a lot of searching , but I have found that transport can actually be quite accommodating for different pick ups . There was a time I had to get the taxi to meet me halfway back from my younger son’s school as I couldn’t pick him up from school and be home in time for the taxi . My youngest was late for school a lot over the years though as if ever the taxi was late I had to wait until she was collected before I could take my youngest , I couldn’t arrange to meet them on the way as the official pick up time was before I had to leave but traffic / guide issues meant they ran late a lot .

You have my sympathy, it is really difficult !

We are lucky enough to have flexible jobs where we can WFH several days each week. If you have a job outside of the home it must be so difficult!

My job is pretty flexible and DH is a nurse so we would negotiate each day who was going to be there before and after school. I’d work from home doing marking or emails from about 4.30 / 5, then stop around 6.30 to get them and me ready for work / school, then go into work afterwards. So might arrive about 9.30. I also negotiated with the taxi firm to collect him first so they left at about 8.15 rather than 8.30.

After work, I’d just do online work from home once DS was at home and settled. Then work till a bit later because of the time lost to travel.

We’re very lucky that we were able to do that, although it was hard and we didn’t get a lot of down time or time together as they were growing up.

It’s really shit isn’t it? We are in a similar boat, 13yo DD with complex SEND so someone needs to be home. I am full time PhD currently so can be home some days and DH has a flexible arrangement with work. We juggle about each week to make sure the days are covered and bring in far less money than we would if we didn’t need to be here for DD arriving at 4pm. It’s also the reason I’m doing my doctorate now as it ensures I’ll be around for the next 3 years for her taxi but also for all of her appointments and meetings with the school etc.

Rather than working could you look at retraining or courses that would get you engagement outside of the home but also pay off in the future - and mean that you are able to be around for DC for the next few years? The taxis are usually quite good about dropping off the older ones if a parent isn’t home as long as they have a contact number for you.

It's so reassuring to know I'm not the only one with this problem. (Even though I'm sorry you have so much juggling to do too!) It's so draining trying to sort everything out. I am so grateful my son has a place at a Sen school and qualifies for transport but I just want to put myself first for once in my life.

I hadn't considered a childminder before but maybe that could work for the half an hour in the morning.... But then it's a 3rd trip I'd have to make every morning and a 3rd childcare expense...

I ended up working in the same school (and I am still there..he's an adult now)
He needed the routine of the taxi, so he got on, and left, then I did ... taxi's generally pick up early as they have several children to fetch.
Same in reverse!
It was the only way I could do it!

Even with the taxi picking him up and hour early, it's still not enough time for me to drop the other kids of at nursery, breakfast club and then get to work unfortunately.

I've found a few childminders around me so I'm going to look into that.

Well I'm going to have to turn down the job. It's so fucking unfair. Been crying all afternoon.

I just have one dc who has SEN but the taxi (and school holidays) makes it hard to commit to a job with any meaningful hours. I don't mind too much as I didn't enjoy working and I need time to myself during the school day. I get Carer's Allowance which means I don't have any work seeking requirements and that's quite valuable in terms of getting benefits.

Sorry to hear that, are the employers able to be flexible at all with start time?
I have flexible hours so can start later and work part time. It still can be awkward as loads of training or meetings are arranged for 9am starts but luckily since covid I can often work from home for early starts.
It is very tricky, I think lots of parents with children in SEN school have one parent not working.

I have a DC in a SEN school and I completely feel your pain. I recon the only job I would be able to fit in would be a lunchtime supervisor in a local school. I've done it before though and hated it so much I can't bring myself to apply!

Could the taxi pick up from your workplace? If you drop other dc off, would you get to work I time to meet taxi and ds get straight into it and you go into work?

Sympathy, it is tricky, mine has left school now but I remember all this. We found that initially the taxi firm were fairly flexible about timings if all the parents agreed to vary it so the DCs could stay at after school club and we all had a group chat to arrange. But then they lost the contract and the council tightened up and the taxi firm said all changes had to be agreed through the council by all 4 families every time. There was no leeway on pickup/dropoff locations so childminders and external clubs were out of the question, as were grandparents, or non-resident parents. They never insisted on an adult actually being present, so we could have in theory gone out before DS / come home after him (he was was safe to be left) but I didn't trust him to lock up or remember his key for coming home and worried that they might find out. I did have a school hours only job for a few years which fortunately was flexible hours but it was a fluke that I found it.. I agree with claiming carer's allowance, also do you claim DLA for your DC? Perhaps you could find some volunteering just to get you out of the house and doing something different.

I really feel for you OP. I had a similar situation recently. I volunteer one day a week for a national charity and a paid position came up where I could have job shared. It would have been perfect, a field I really enjoy. DD has complex needs and I am her sole carer. No matter how I tried to juggle it it would have been impossible.

It's heartbreaking.

I’m so sorry, OP. It really sucks. The only way we can keep the show on the road here is for both of us to be part-time, so one of us is always available for the school run.
One of us could have a full-time job but it would mean the other one giving up work.
It’s a hard thing to come to terms with.

Can you work evenings / weekends?
Can you set up as self employed dog walking, cleaning, acting as a paid companion / carer?
You may need to get creative.