Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Has dropping a friend made you feel better?

39 replies

eatthat · 30/06/2024 13:36

I’ve dropped a friend, she owes me money she’s never going to pay, she cancels on me last minute, used me to drive her places. Last straw came from the oweing me money, avoiding me and posting herself on holiday.

Did anyone feel better in the long run for dropping shit people?

OP posts:
Eldermillenialyogi · 10/01/2025 21:51

And I definitely don't miss them

Youtookmyhandle · 10/01/2025 21:53

Best thing I've ever done. She was a childhood friend. I haven't spoken to her in over 20 years.

ChocolateTea · 10/01/2025 21:56

I’ve done it several times and never regretted it. Maybe it’s the autism, but I struggle a lot with friends once they’ve done something against my moral code. I’ve dropped friends for things like drug taking, awful parenting which affected my child, sleeping with another friends partner. Not regretted any. One friend got back in touch a few years later when she’d done AA and we are now tentatively rebuilding a friendship

Haaaaappyyynewyear · 10/01/2025 21:58

This past year I’ve consciously stopped making an effort with a friend who I realised actually doesn’t ever prioritise our friendship. You know the ones, who never ask you questions about how you are, never text first to ask to meet up, frequently update their social media but still haven’t replied to your text sort of thing. Shame as we used to be good friends!
I do sometimes feel sad about it and the funny thing is they often admit how useless they are with friends… which I don’t know if that makes it worse or better 😆

Gloriousgardener11 · 10/01/2025 22:17

I’ve dropped many people over the years who turned out to be people who just weren’t the friends I thought they were.
The most recent one to be dropped was last year when I realised that I was her ‘coffee friend’
I was only ever contacted for ‘a coffee’ basically all she wanted was to glean info out of me and I suddenly saw it!
She has got the message now and no longer tries to engage with me, although I was initially quite hurt, as I liked her, I have no regrets.

Ginkypig · 10/01/2025 22:25

It’s made my life better but that doesn’t mean I haven’t missed what we had or at least what I thought we had! Or missed the person because I cared about them even if I’d been hurt by them.

I’ve never regretted any of the friendships iv ended though!

it’s hard to do it sometimes but you have to know your worth and if you are being treated badly by someone then you have to be strong enough to end it even though it hurts!

SabreIsMyFave · 10/01/2025 22:46

Dropped a particular friend from my life about 4-5 years ago and it was one of the best things I've done. We'd been friends a couple of years after meeting in a hobby group. Went out a few times to the pub with her and her DP (and my DH.)

But her and her partner were actually quite toxic. Often made nasty snide little underhand remarks, and kept poking at our 'tiny' house, and our jobs, and poking at DH's weight, and she kept asking really nosy intrusive questions about my family and why I had no contact with several of them. I kept saying 'I don't want to talk about it.' DH had dropped it out to her and her DP that I didn't speak to these certain few family members, (when we were talking about family rifts,) ... I told her to drop it, but she kept on and on. It was very stressful.

She would also just keep turning up at my house uninvited, and expect to be let in, and for me to drop anything I was doing to entertain her for 2 hours. If I didn't answer the door she would ring and ring and keep texting to say 'what's wrong? Why are you not answering?' She even called 999 once - and said 'I think something is terribly wrong as my friend is not answering the door or phone... I think she may have collapsed.'

Fucking ambulance turned up at my house. I said 'there is nothing wrong with me. I am SO sorry you have wasted your time!' They said 'this lady was worried because you weren't answering the door.' I said 'I was asleep. I am fine!' I was furious with her, and said 'for goodness sake Julie!' and when the paramedics left I slammed the door shut and left her standing outside. She walked off home (10 minutes walk away) and next time I saw her she acted like nothing had happened.

She and her DP turned up at the pub late most of the time - like 30-40 minutes, and when she asked me to take to the hospital in a city 50 minutes drive away (and spend 4-5 hours with her,) and I said no as I am too nervous to drive around that city, she said 'oh any excuse!' and told people she has asked me and I said I couldn't be bothered. She was a shit stirring liar, and spiteful and catty about other people too.

I'm not proud of this, but not ashamed either... I actually started to give her a wide berth for a month or 2, and then I actually ghosted her - just under 4 years ago. She kept contacting for me about 5 months, and then gave up ... And then she started to ask 2 or 3 other women from one of the 2 hobby groups we were in, to get them to ask me what was wrong. They kept asking. I just said 'we have nothing in common really, and the friendship has burnt itself out.'

I finally managed to shake her off after about a year and a quarter. But unfortunately 3 women from these 2 hobby groups actually don't really speak to me now, and walk across the street to avoid me. So I think sadly, she's turned them against me. I dropped out of both hobby groups, and I joined a couple of different ones a couple of miles away.

So I don't regret getting rid of her, but I do regret having to drop these hobby groups and losing 3 friends. She clearly turned them against me by saying I ghosted her. She obviously manipulated them, took none of the blame, and they probably said, 'oh, well, we'll see how she likes it then.' Obviously they weren't real friends of mine, or they would have asked why I gave her a wide berth and ghosted her and what the problem was. Instead, they just lapped up what she had said, and believed her, and then cut me off.

.

Lampzade · 10/01/2025 22:56

Dropped a friend of ten years last year.
The reason being that it became obvious that she had become envious of me.
I tried to ignore this, but noticed that she would make nasty little comments about me particularly when we were out with other friends. If I made a comment she would roll her eyes, grimace etc
I started to turn down her invitations and didn’t respond to her phone calls . She messages me on my birthday and at Christmas and I do the same but that it all
I don’t regret my actions and I don’t miss her.

WhiskersOnKittens2 · 10/01/2025 23:03

Yes I have done it quite a lot and never regretted it. Negativity ,breach of trust and rudeness being the main reasons.

LadyContrary · 10/01/2025 23:07

I’ve dropped a couple of people in a “rapid cut off” manner. They said / did things I just couldn’t move past. I missed the relationships of course but equally I wouldn’t have been able to maintain them.

I also phased out quite a few friends because I decided I was no longer prepared to put all the effort in: suggest get togethers, always message first etc. Can’t be arsed, I’ve learnt self respect now.

blackheartsgirl · 10/01/2025 23:39

I’ve distanced myself (and I think my friend) has too because we are drifting apart and she makes me feel less than. I don’t parent to her standard (she controls every aspect of her teens lives and they have no autonomy or privacy) she feels sorry for me, I’ve had so much shit going on the last 3.5 years and she was great when my dh died and I was there for her when her dh had an affair.

she does make me feel stupid, like she looks down on me, I’m always going to her house, never comes to mine but she is very wrapped up in her family, she never goes out unless it’s with her dh or kids, not even for a coffee as she has to be there to get tea on for the kids or the dh, then when I do suggest gently to have an hour off she gives snide comments like oh my teens are in a routine, not like your lot, you don’t have a dh anymore so you don’t have to bother with making sure your house runs smoothly. Jeez thanks.. I still come home from work , cook tea, wash up, clean the house and support my teens all with NO support!

it’s a shame as I did like her, we’d been close for 10 years but I think she thinks our friendship has run its course as do I so drift apart we shall continue.

SexAndCakes · 10/01/2025 23:41

Yes. I once realised that I had a male friend who would subtly put me down all the time, so gradually phased him out and never felt a loss. That's the only time I have ever felt the need with a friend, but I have a very difficult family member who was frankly emotionally abusive towards me for years and I went VLC. It was a massive relief and I should have done it sooner.

ViciousCurrentBun · 11/01/2025 01:05

I have only ever chosen to specifically drop a friend. She was such a nosey git and was attempting to find out about my finances. I saw her recently in the post office and managed to dodge her.

Another friend finished with me but to be honest it was a relief, we had a very different opinion on a matter and neither of us were moving.

Eminybob · 11/01/2025 02:29

Yes I had a friend who I really only stayed in contact with due to a sense of duty as we've known each other forever. She was a narcissistic drama queen but ultimately harmless.

Then she married my (very, physically and mentally) abusive the ex without any thought for the trauma, pain and suffering he caused me (which she knows about)

Which was a great reason to completely cut her out of my life. Good riddance.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread