Suburbs or countryside for next house?

[NeedMoreSun]

We are moving house but DH and I have opposing views on where to live.
I'm team suburbs/city. He's team countryside/village.

We have a 13yo. I want her to be close to her friends so that she can walk to school with them, hang out with them without us having to ferry her around. It would also mean better public transport and I could walk to most places.

DH thinks it's better that she has space and countryside (she's a real animal lover), and is quite happy to drive around at all hours (I'm not). I think she will just spend more time on screens (she isn't sporty so keeping her physically active is a full time task).

We used to live in the sticks and whilst I love the countryside (and I know DD will too) I hated that we had to use the car to get anywhere, whereas in town we can walk everywhere (although DH still drives everywhere). Also I use the local FB groups lots for selling/buying school uniform, clothes, getting advice and tradesman recommendations etc and it just doesn't work as well out in the sticks. My friends are all in town, as are DDs. DH is quite happy to never see another human being again 😆

Obviously Mumsnet can't decide for me but are there any factors I've not considered? Anyone moved out to a village with a teenager, how did it work out?

I lived in the middle of nowhere as a teenager and hated it, DNiece is 16 and an only child and my brother and the family also live very rurally. She is definitely more isolated and they are permanently ferrying her around.

My children are younger but we live right on the edge of a town and find it perfect. 5 minutes and we are in countryside, it's very quiet but we can walk into town in under 30 minutes for cinema, shops, cafés etc. Tell your husband to get a house with a decent sized garden or an allotment if he wants a slice of the good life! 😉

I would at least want to live somewhere with a bus service into town and a corner shop if you need a pint of milk.

Perhaps a compromise between the 2?

We live right at the edge of a tiny rural town, so we can walk out of our door to go down a bridle way that goes through fields, climb amazing hills - and basically walk for miles and see hardly anyone. But we're also only a mile from town, my teen can easily walk to school/friends etc, so we get the best of both worlds without complete teenaged isolation.

This is exactly what I'm concerned about.

Unfortunately there is no compromise, it's either or, as living in the outskirts of the city is too far to walk to friends. In fact there are no outskirts onto countryside as it is bounded by motorway.

We live in a satellite town just outside Bristol. It's small enough that we can access the countryside, big enough for our day to day needs and close enough to Bristol (and Bath) for anything we can't get locally. We are also lucky that it's well connected by buses (including a direct service to the airport) and rail.
Is a satellite town something you would consider?

I think that would be the countryside/village option, but buses aren't frequent. It would be a 1hr round trip by car to get her to school. We both work full time so it won't be easy to fit it in. How do you manage the school commute?

Move to the very edge of a market town/ suburb so you are on the doorstep of the countryside. I can walk for 15 mins one way and be in fields and 15 mins the other way and have a corner shop, post office, chemist and Doctors and a bus stop with frequent buses in to the city which is about 40 mins away. So a similar set up as @GameOfJones. If I walk for 35 mins I’m in the centre of town with Asda and the like.

We brought our 3 up in a very rural area.
We had to drive them places and their friends would all come and sleep over.
We did however know who their friends were and their whereabouts at all times.
Our daughter now a mother moaned about it at the time , she now lives even more rurally than we did as she doesn’t want her children in a town/city.

That sounds great! How far away is the school?

Knowing where they are would be an advantage.

I do think it's different if they have siblings though rather than being an only.

We moved from the suburbs to rural when my dd was 13 and a half.

At our old house she could walk to school and had kids that went to the same school living in the same estate, but her best friends were a car journey away, she didn't get on with people in the estate much and ended up walking to school on her own anyway.

She loves where we live now, she too loves animals and there is a small holding next door that she helps out at. She also volunteers at a riding stables etc. the downside is that now she's 16 I no longer drink because I'm constantly ferrying her around. She's got 2x part time jobs that are a car journey away, her bf is 6 miles away and her friends are dotted around. But for us as a family it's a small price to pay to live somewhere we all love.

@NeedMoreSun when DS was at primary school it was a 20 minute walk through the back streets (or a 5 minute drive on the days I had an onward journey to work in Bristol, which had on site parking).
We already live next door to his secondary school so he walked from day 1. The other schools in town were only a mile away
He's now at 6th form college in Bristol (but our side of the city) and catches the bus/gets a lift/cycles/walks.

There's a village near us where the main Saturday night activity for the teens too young for the pub seemed to be sitting on the churchyard wall.

Every time we drove through it, our teenage DCs shuddered and thanked us for moving to the nearby market town.

Team town/city here.

I don't drink (peri-menopause to thank for that 🙁) so that would be less of a problem. A small holding next door would be DDs dream come true!

Because you have a teenager I'd agree with you and say the suburbs is better for now.

I think suburbs/city. My children would have hated living in a village, we have never planned to move to one but we have talked hypothetically about it.

Your daughter may love the countryside and nature, but without knowing her I suspect this does not mean she will want to roam around it on her own as a teenager. She is coming to the age when it’s friends she will want to be with and likely will not want to hang around with her parents at the weekends. Hence, she will want a lift to visit friends all the time or she will stay inside on technology.

Maybe it is a dream for when she has left home instead.

Ah easier if the school is close by. Not an option for us unfortunately.

This is my thinking. We've missed the boat for country living. Teenagers want friends not parents (unless it's for lifts/money/food).

What does your DD think? I grew up in a good size town, in the country, and I’m very grateful we lived in the town, meant I could be independent and do lots of hobbies in my own. I know my parents were happy with not having to give lifts! I’d definitely prioritise that, for a teen

DD is quite impulsive so she would say countryside because she would have images of sheep following her around and being available for cuddles at her demand, but the reality is that there would be no sheep, they won't want cuddles and she would be beholden to us to get her to her see friends at a moments notice.
My view is that we could move to the suburbs and she can volunteer at the city farm. Best of both worlds.

I would say suburbs in your situation.

I grew up in a village and loved it, but it was a different time. I was surrounded by people I had grown up with and didn’t need to find new friends.