Small talk

[Chathelp]

Name changed as don't want this post linked with my main name.

I am looking for some help please. By nature. I am an introvert and a little shy. I have been invited to a party which is tonight. I am feeling a little bit nervous about going. Looking for some help with making small talk with people. What do you say to people and how do you keep the conversation flowing. How do I look confident.

Heyyyyy

Whose party ? Do you know anyone ?

I'd start with a warm contact - hey how are you ? Ask about how they know the hosts ? How their weekends been and the British classic of the heat !

Also if I knew someone I'd WhatsApp them to intro me to their mates at the party beforehand

Honestly it's great if you don't know anyone - you get to be whoever you want to be tonight

Enjoy , have a drink but not too many may help

Have funnnnn

Smile a lot.
If you know them, ask them enthusiastically how they've been and what they've been up to.
If you don't know them, ask them how they know the host, if they're enjoying the weather, or mention you like something they're wearing.
Hopefully, that'll start up a conversation. Just keep asking questions.

I always tell my dc that they need to answer the question, add a bit more then ask a question.
For example - how do you know the host?
Oh I've known them for years. We went to school together and were in the same class for years. How about you?

People love talking about themselves, so just ask people loads of safe questions e.g. how do you know the hosts? What do you do for work? Who are you here with? Have you got any holidays lined up? Etc

Very helpful advice thanks. Noted on the ask people questions and don't have too much alcohol. What do you do if there is a lull in conversation or conversation dries up?

It takes two to small talk well so don't get worried about conversation drying up. It's not necessarily anyones fault. Maybe you just don't click.

I read once that the point of small talk is to be interested, and not interesting so listen well and ask questions.

In the convo drying up situation, I'd either rack my brains thinking of a question either on something they said or a new question or just leave. Make an excuse like needing the loo, needing a drink, going to ask if host needs some help or even "we'd better mingle. I'll catch up with you in a bit"

I am not good in situations like parties but have got better with age. As others have said asking questions is the way to go. How do know the host? Do you live locally? Are you going away in the summer? Do you have children? Perhaps keep 1 or 2 of those in reserve in case of awkward silences.

I don't really know the host well. Was surprised I got invited to be honest. Not sure if I will know anyone else attending tonight. My plan is too stay for around an hour and if its not great then leave. Is an hour ok or would that be rude

I think an hour is fine, especially if you don't know them well. Job, children, holidays are always safe topics. If you have a hobby you really like you could mention it, maybe you'll find someone you really click with!

Any holiday plans?
How do you know the host?
I don't believe we've met before...
The food is delicious... do you like to cook...
What a beautiful garden... do you garden yourself?

Let the other person talk, you listen and ask leading questions based on what they say. Oh you have a dog, what breed.. where does your sister live...when were you in Italy...

If there is awkward silence there is a strong possibility the other person is just like you. Say I'm sorry I get a bit shy at these events or i struggle to make small talk etc. There is a very strong chance they will say me too! And then you have a new buddy for the evening.

Away to get ready. Might have a gin doing my hair and make up to help steady the nerves.

Wish me luck!

Agree with this..... I just get people to talk.... open questions are best, and the key is to sound interested and build on one question, before moving to the next- that way people feel you are receptive, start to share more, the conversation goes deeper and you may even really connect... and you don't run out of questions.

Eg, not just
A: 'any holiday plans?'
B: 'yeah we're off to Tenerife next week'
C: 'oh nice..... and..... what do you do?'

But;
A: 'any holiday plans?'
B: 'off to Tenerife'
C: 'oh nice.... what made you pick that/ any particular highlights you are looking forward to....' etc....

My favourite question is 'so tell me your story'. It's much more inclusive and flexible than 'what do you do?', tends to surprise people, and you wouldn't believe the fascinating things you discover when you hear people narrate what's important to them, in their lives, their way.....

I realise this advice is too late for this time! How did it go, OP?