I have been a shit mum

[Shitmum2024]

I feel like I have been a shit mum to my kids. More so the younger ones.

I post on here hell of alot because I have no-one else to talk to . But in a nut shell . I have spoken about DV situations regarding my DD. Social services involvement regarding dd and GS. About my own son who has emotional dysregulation, he tried to kill himself , he was violent and aggressive. To me. And that had a massive effect on everyone. It was awful. There's been phases of my house being a massive shit whole. I feel like there's so much more . Apart from my posting on here I have coped completely on my own. And honestly it's fucking hard.

Anyway alot of the time I have no energy I feel mentally, physically drained to fuck.
I hardly do anything with my younger kids. They are lucky if I take them to the park once a month. Although recently I have tried my best to take them once a week.

I get home from the school run around 4.15 time I have done dinner it's around 5.30 time they eat it's 6ish. By the time I'm all sored I feel so tired.

I don't drive so something that take 10 mins in a car will take me 40 mins and it feels like the end of the world.

They see their dad every other weekend. And he does loads with them, the beach, parks , soft play , eating out, cinema, zoo,farms, other days out ... he drives though and he lives with his mum so he just does all the fun bits.

I need to start doing proper stuff with them , living a normal life . Building proper memories with them . But I don't know where to start.

Should add I'm on folic acid for lack of iron.

Agree with the poster that said perimenopause, it's worth looking into. And you are not your username.

I forgot to reply to that but yes probably. My periods have changed. I'm not sure if that's linked to tiredness or not though. As I have had bloods done abd it's due to iron

Sorry I did not see your posts. I'm definitely going to look them up thank you.

Yes doctor said this:

Your blood results show that you are anaemic with low folate levels. I have prescribed folic acid supplements.

So yes probably run down because of that plus life . But obviously down to me to change it.

Movie and pizza night on Fridays?
Park once a week is ok.
How about a picnic tomorrow?
Trip to the library to pick a chapter book for you to read out loud? My nearly 14yo still likes being read to…..

I can't read out loud 😔 we do movie and snacks sometimes.

Oh well that’s ok, not for everyone. We used to get audio books when my kids were little - that was quite nice, just borrowed them from the library. Still sing some of the songs now and that was years ago!

It can be nice to have the same thing once a week for dinner eg Fridays are always fish and chips / pizza / burgers that sort of thing. That creates nice memories and a bit of a routine.

Were you the mum who had the deodorant bottle thrown at you?

I might be thinking of the wrong person oerson, but if I'm not, I thought through that whole situation how much of a wasted opportunity it was to get high quality social services support. I know you were feeling defensive, judged etc and all these made you avoid asking for more social care support - but honestly, it could well be the making of your family.

How about asking for an Early Help referral?

Yoir post is completely wrong. Absolutely all of it .

It was my biggest symptom, unbelievable fatigue.

It could be a mix of things I guess.

Perimenopause might not show on any blood tests, just to be aware of that, as hormone levels fluctuate.

Ah ok. How would I find out ?

Symptoms and eliminating other causes. There are NICE guidelines, as far as I know if you're over 45 GP is supposed to diagnose you based on symptoms only. Under that age they have to check for other causes. Symptoms can be fatigue, anxiety, feeling flat, no motivation, dry skin, dry hair, joint pain, muscle pain, new skin problems, increasing urge to go to the loo or waking at night for the loo, brain fog, not able to concentrate, problems with memory like forgetting words or misplacing your keys or forgetting shopping, or me forgetting to tax my car! Loads of things really but I just put everything down to age and stress abs I was amazed when I started hrt (for night sweats and memory mainly) and the other stuff just went away. Like a miracle.

Editing for typos.

Thank you I will look at all that I migjt write some stuff down.

I haven't read your other threads but my DS is divorced and her ex is a Disney dad. My DN see right through him
They were/are young and both have SEN/mental health issues. She is worn out from looking after them and doesn't get to do a lot of the "fun" stuff he does. But even when he does do it they know its all a performance.
They feel safe and cared for with their Mum, they love to snuggle up and watch TV or chat in bed.
The oldest likes to make concoctions in the airfryer or look up new recipes on tiktok.
The youngest thinks he's a stylist and shows her new makeup looks on YouTube...she doesn't wear makeup lol, but they have fun and enjoy being together.
Your kids will know where they are loved, they don't need things to prove it.

Thank you. When I think deeper. I know that's true. I mean if i had no responsibility what so ever. Never had to cook clean, washing , baths , school run, special needs , mental heath, emotions.

If I did not have to deal with any of that I could probably be Disney mum to.

Summer holidays will be here soon so at least I will have more time. They love skating. So I looked into a skating club but it's 20.00 for an hour each so that would be 40.00 not sure if I'm just being tight. I found a karate club close by. I don't know the prices yet. So I will look into that.

The boys have a party to go today. So that he nice for them.

Only thing is their dad is going to take us in his car . Then older dd won't want to stay home so there will be 3 non party people going feels a bit stupid.

What a lovely reply

OP
I suffer with extreme low self esteem

I have been through DV and sometimes think I am a bad parent

When in reality we are doing so much

And doing soooooo well despite all this world has thrown at us 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

Sorry you have been through Dv I hope your in a better place now. I guess it's left a knock on effect for you . Hope your ok 💐

Abd yeah logically I know we do our best with what we have. It's just sometimes I wish I could do better which maybe I can

Kids went to a lazer tag birthday party today so least that's something we done.

The kids really want to do skating club. But it's 20.00 each for 1hr per week. Or 50.00 a month each . Is that alot or am I being tight?