What is the actual process of splitting up after a lifetime?

[RiverF]

From a practical POV? Friends of mine are seperating. They've been married nearly 30 years, children adults with their own homes.

They have been "seperated" almost a year, but still living in the same house, which is not working for either of them, sounds awful tbh.

She locked him out last night because he went out for the evening, and he slept in the car, but there's similar pettiness on both sides.

They haven't organised seperate living arrangements because they can't see how. They live in a modest terraced house with a small mortgage (ie not enough value to set up two homes). She is already retired with a state pension and a small occupational pension, but only worked very part time after DC were born.

He's still working in a decent enough, but nothing special job, (he's a bit younger). They were OK together, financially, but not well off.

I imagine their situation is similar to the majority of people, financially.

So, how exactly do they manage to seperate? What needs to happen to bring it all to head, especially if one wants it more than the other?

I don't plan to give any advice unless it's asked, but I can't see how they work this out.

I would encourage them to seek therapy to decide whether they can improve their relationship enough to stay/get back together or separate amicably.

It sounds like he is being very un empathetic and she is struggling with an empty nest.

He's kept his sense of self throughout the marriage whilst she birthed and brought up children and worked in the home.

They need counceling. Either to stay together or to separate amicably the councillor can help them decide what they actually want and then progress through doing it.

Maybe she needs a couple of dogs to keep her company.

She does have a couple of dogs! They're a source of the problem because she won't go anywhere that means leaving them, even for a few hours.

I think he genuinely believes he's doing the right thing for her by letting things go slowly, but I agree she can't move on, and the amateur psychologist in me thinks maybe he's enjoying her neediness, although I'm sure he doesn't realise that/it's not deliberate.

Anyway, I was only asking about the practical aspects. If asked I'd say move out into whatever you can rent, put the house on the market, contact the bank if the mortgage is a problem meantime, but I didn't really know if that's workable, especially if she doesn't want to sell.

He determined it won't go anywhere near court because he's going to be so generous and give her everything, but I'm not sure that's sensible. It might be if it gets a quick resolution, but that doesn't seem to be how it's going.

It all sounds horrible for both of them and I agree he's not being as "kind" as he thinks he is. Not my place to say that though

Does this sound feasible? I'm asking because he seems to think everything is so impossible, I'm wondering if he has any intention of splitting properly.

He keeps saying it's not easy to throw someone onto the street, but I don't think it's as black as that and that delaying/refusing to find a solution must be making things worse for her, not better. Also wish I'd never got involved with talking to him about it!

He moves into a rented place, probably a houseshare, at least initially. The house goes on the market. Contact the bank to say they can't make mortgage payments (or convert to interest only) until the house is sold (because he's now paying rent). Wife can live there until sold, but will also need to find rented accomodation, which if her income is that low, she'll get help with.

Proceeds of house are split, with a greater share going to wife, which I guess would affect her benefits and she'd need to spend it on living expenses, until it runs out, if she's not able to buy something else.

He starts again with his share and his income.

Not ideal for anyone, but better than the current arrangements and a way to draw a line if that's what he really wants.