Back from Uni - honeymoon period’s over!

[Hydrangerous]

It’s been a week, we’ve had a huge range of emotions, leaving uni and friends and now faced with looking for a job, a career, a life.
He’s back and he’s angry, the house doesn’t work the way he thinks it should, standards have slipped, he found some mouldy cheese on the fridge, there’s nothing to eat, it looks like I’m not providing the level of service he expects.
I am not going back to being responsible for everyone’s meals - I sort the evening meals and breakfast. I am not shopping to keep in lunches, snacks and midnight munchies. He says he has no money - he means money he want to spend. I’m not asking for board but I’m not providing a hotel service. The attitude, the entitlement is breathtaking.

How’s everyone else coping - have the cracks started appearing or are you still thrilled to have them home with no prospect of them moving out any time soon?

He needs a job ASAP. Hopefully a dose of hard work and getting up in the mornings will help.

Oh blimey, no thankfully. We have 2 boys back and the only thing I have to get used to is the late night coming home! It makes the dog bark which wakes me!.

But very fortunate that they both have summer jobs and pitch in around the house. I do forget how much they eat but they both drive and will go to the shop for supplies.

Our DD finished a couple of weeks ago. She has chosen to stay in Nottingham and has found a full time job.
She is arriving home on Monday ready for us to fly on holiday on Tuesday.

The moment she starts any old fanny about not buying her favourite brand of oatmilk is the moment she's directed to tesco.
She has matured enormously

He is genuinely trying to get a job - I’ve no complaints on that score but even when he does - I am dreading the I’m too tired to clean up excuse. Adult kids really shouldn’t have to live with their parents, the dynamics are all wrong.

Mine due home properly in a month after 3 years at uni….she stayed home this weekend the mini piles of rubbish and shoes randomly left in middle of floor! I’ve been asked will I be getting food in that she actually likes and why is everything in the cupboard not normal food (it is) ???!? …..I’ve told her when she home we will
provide her a shelf in the fridge and a cupboard for her food that she buys 😂

Im lucky though she has her part time job at home that she has increased her hours over summer till she starts her Grad Job in September/October.

My DS didn't really properly come back after he graduated. He started his job in mid August, and moved into a rented flat in the city where the job is before that, so his time at home was shorter than a university holiday.

They don't have to live with parents. Those who don't have that option will manage with house shares, being a lodger etc (although those are likely to be already working).

Once he has any job he can move out, he doesn't need to save for somewhere alone or expensive, especially if he continues to be so rude

DS is home (20) main thing is the food, the mess and the laundry. He is supposed to be doing some work for us over the summer.

Following with great interest! I'm a year away from dd finishing uni but I've definitely experienced the expectation that I'll just go back to providing everything during the (long!) summer break.
She seems a lot more grown up this year thankfully & has a part time holiday job which cuts down on the hanging around doing nothing.
Like you, I've made it clear I provide an evening meal for whoever wants it & everything else is self catering.
Oh yes, money they want to spend! I've made it clear if you want the extras then you shop for them yourself. Shes managing without her iced lattès so far....😁

Mine is back. Luckily he has a summer job ( so boring!)
But the mess, the constant cooking drives me mad. He will cook for himself but normally at 8/9pm after he's been to the gym but also after I've cleared the kitchen form our evening meal. Drives me potty.
I do a weekly shop but now have to pop in for top ups almost every day.
I think there is a natural time for children to move out/ on and it must be about now!

Mine's back tomorrow, it'll be lovely having her home but as a pp mentioned - NOT all the random flotsam and jetsam that is deposited in every room .

Mine both settled in their university towns after getting their degrees.
But I did have 2 adult children living with us at times (have step kids)
They always were respectful
Kept tidy, did chores and paid their way.
You had to 'nudge' them a bit.

One of the reasons I love DD being on a performing arts course is that she doesn't come home till 20th July and goes back on 1st September.
Yes we slip back into grumpy teenager for a while and then she goes again. Instead we get a week of timetable in the middle of each term that she comes home for.

I love my DD's coming home. We were all together during COVID too and it was fine. Perhaps I am a push over, but we all get on really well, I don't mind covering the extra cooking and cleaning. They help out, and cook occasionally. Miss them when they go back to their flats or uni. We still holiday together too. Obviously a weird lot!

Perhaps it's my Italian genes. Italian kids live with parents forever. It's normal.

I feel for you. 3 years on and mine is still here. In spite of best efforts to find jobs elsewhere, he ended up getting a job close to home. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he then changed jobs and now works from home (was sold to him as hybrid but that seems to translate to 1 day a month at the office!)
We agreed that he could stay and save up to buy a house rather than wasting money on rent but that was when we thought he'd buy a shared ownership house a few miles away. Upon looking into the scheme we all concluded it was a no go and we'd stick it out until he could buy outright. It's definitely not easy. The parent/child dynamic seems to kick back in even though they acknowledge they are adults. The difficulty seems to be that DS still has a more 'studenty' idea of adulting than my idea of adulting. I keep telling myself it won't be forever!

Mine and 3 years worth of stuff has arrived home and I love it. Love having him back despite mess and extra food bills.

He has holidays planned and starts grad job in September and will move out again then so I’m making the most of it not being just DH and I and very much enjoy his company.

It’s hard playing bad cop. I don’t want to spend the whole time arguing with him, dh and I have a lovely relationship, we rarely argue and then ds comes home and it’s very tense, he is autistic and has ADHD - living with him can be very intense - when he’s stressed, he’s very vocal about it and then I feel stressed and anxious.
He’s still at the stage where he deflects responsibility for his life onto me (never dh) - when things go wrong, his immediate response is to blame me rather than fixing the problem. So despite living in the house for a week, being familiar with the contents of the fridge and going to the supermarket with me yesterday to buy dinner and there’s a corner shop within 3 mins walk and a Tesco 7 min walk away, it was still my fault there was no food in the house and my fault he found mouldy cheese in the fridge.
I know we need new ground rules - I’m not raising a man child. He needs to understand my house, my rules!