What was your childhood like

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What was your childhood like.
Was it good bad or the worse.
Mine was crap the worst of worst i went NC when i left home no regrets.

This is something I’ve been thinking about recently, having been “home” for funerals in recent times.

I grew up on a large farm in Northern Ireland, our family didn’t have much money, kids worked on weekends and holidays. But that was normal for us. We lived in deeply sectarian area (Unionist), but again it was normal as the time. My parents were wonderful, kind, deeply religious. Like a lot of men, with my father, in the community, there was this strange mix of religion mixed with but what I can see now as alcohol abuse.

It was the only thing I knew. I still love going back there. Being older I’m obviously aware of the issues. It was what it was. I was fortunate to be good academically, so had opportunities that others did not.

Not great…. From the outside looking in every would have looked good but it wasn’t 😔. I think as I’ve gotten older and become a mum it’s all seemed so much more obvious … not easy at all to reconcile with . Hope things get easier for you xx

Sorry to hear that OP. Mine wasn’t great but not the worst. Mam was an alcoholic bless her, dad was abusive. She died when I was barely an adult and I was NC with him for years. I speak to him now in small doses once every couple of months because he’s a narcissist and I can only tolerate him for short bursts of time. I could go NC happily as he’s hard work.

Sending love to those that haven’t got supportive families they can rely on 🩵

Up to about the age of 10 all was good. From then on my parents seemed to think their work was done. We came home to an empty house and fended for ourselves until around 8pm when they came home from work. School holidays were spent home alone or more accurately trying to find friends to play with and hopefully feed us. They decided that we wouldn't like to go on holiday with them anymore so they went by themselves and we were left with money for food and the bus, my brother was 14 by this point so apparently that was OK.

Welll not great

Dad was abusive to mum and us 3 kids

We lived in a refuge to escape him

We had a house future we suspect he started and just about survived

He was murdered when I was 5

Mum had a mental breakdown

We all went into 'care' for months on end

My childhood was great, if somewhat marked with the classic 'benign neglect' of the late 70s and 80s. We did our own thing, we were safe and we enjoyed it.

Mine was overall good. My mum is a 'boomer' mum but she was really ahead of her times in terms of parenting. She was very open and listened to, and validated our feelings and she was always trying to understand things from our perspective, so I felt loved and understood. I have kind and loving siblings too so feel fortunate to have a loving and supportive family network.

Wasn't all amazing, there was divorce and step parent struggles, not much money, but overall I feel positively about it and feel lucky.

As I've got older I've realised more and more how much our childhoods shape who we are and the kind of attachments we form. I feel for people who had less than ideal childhoods and who continue to feel the impact of it.

Wonderful. Really happy. My parents were lovely and an amazing mum and dad!in so many ways. They were and are very loving and always had my back.
I am the youngest of 3. My sister is 10 years older my brother only 5 years my senior and quite young for his age so we sometimes played together when we were very young. Our life was full of imagination, board games, playing in the garden or the big, private allotment we had sole use of next door to the garden and accessed from the garden. We built dens, climbed trees and played in our old caravan on the land. Wonderful holidays in The Lakes and Anglesey. One year, I remember hours spent playing with my brother (and mum and dad) in a stream that ran past our holiday cottage. I had lots of friends too and we would visit each others house and play in the garden, with our dolls, act out plays and practice dance routines to Bucks Fizz! My parents also supported and encouraged me through my long education which finally finished at 25! I am very fortunate and feel so lucky to have them. I had an idyllic childhood.

One of six, Ireland, 70s. Extremely happy. Very close to all my siblings now. I guess I was just very lucky.

I was fortunate. I have a really 100% involved Mum (she still is) and my Dad was great at earning money. We did well. Various MH issues that weren't talked about in those days, but fortunately we are all still together and are talking about these things now, which is great. Very lucky now to have a very involved Dad since he is now retired.

Obviously it was very stressful at the time and still is, but relatively speaking, I was extremely fortunate.

Awful.

Mother had an affair and ran off with us, told us lies about our dad, and shacked up with a paedophile, she turned a blind eye to the 'affair' and forgave me for it at the age of 11 (he was 50), but it was still happening, she knew and blamed me.

No contact with that awful woman anymore thank fuck.

Sadly my siblings sided with her as they had a very different mother than I did so I have no family anymore.

My shitty childhood sent me ito a spiral of abusive relationships for many years.

Part of it was so bad that I almost managed to forget it. Death, sexual abuse (incest), eating disorders, care. None of it was done to me due to evil I think, just broken people not managing their lives and wrecking havoc.

i am trying to hold on to the good memories, to the times felt safe, to memories of food, memories of wonderful books etc.

i refuse to be a victim. And I am trying everything in my power to ensure that my DC have a childhood where they always feel safe and loved.

I had a typical 1950s childhood.

All meals eaten at the dining table. No great variety or experimental cooking. Had to be home for every meal. Allowed to go out if I was going somewhere but not allowed to go out just to meet with friends. Lots of importance placed on school above everything.

The sad thing is that I was actually born in 1967.

DF was older, had gone to sea just post war so had done his teenage years as a very junior officer. DM grew up in a very rural area - started going to WI in her teens as there was nothing else to do. The swinging 60s passed them by. I have a feeling my parents would have been happier in the 1930s.

For the most part, completely perfect. Great parents, wonderful grandparents felt very loved. Wasn't spoilt and very much knew the value of money, but never really felt I went without (although buying branded trainers as a working 14 year old really felt good). Learnt to ride a bike, swim, did ballet lessons, mum cooked every night. I read a lot, school was ok. I was happy.

What is this benign neglect. I haven't come across this term before?

Kids able to disappear off for hours without parental supervision. At the same time parents being aware that their kids had gone off and having some vague idea as to where kids had gone.

So sorry to all of you who had such awful/abusive childhoods. I was one of the lucky ones- lovely parents who stayed together (through choice) and created a very loving and stable home for me and my sibling. My DH had similar and we have replicated this for our DS who is now a grown adult. We are 70's kids.
My sister is the same - has happy life with a great DH.

My own mum had a terrible childhood with an abusive alcoholic father who made their lives hell. Think being sent to the pub to beg for some of his wages on a Friday night before he drank it all- then being battered when he got in for showing him up. I think other (sordid) shit also went on those nights. My dad had a great upbringing though- not much money but was loved, clean and there was always food on the table.

My mum still to this day (in her 80's!) is very kind to everyone as are her sisters. Her brothers both became alcoholics themselves. One has died after living a chaotic life - both the brothers are/were self made millionaires. The sisters all married grounded stable 'good guys' It all sounds mad now I've written it out!

Idyllic up till about age 8 - we lived in the country and had the happiest times. Then my sibling was killed in an accident which only I witnessed and it all went to shit 🙁

My dad died before I was two & my mammy became an alcoholic shortly thereafter, she & my sister had so many happy years when my dad was alive, fertility issues so a massive gap between my sister & I, it was like black & white, I still have happy memories with my cousins & my Auntie Peggy, I wasn't abused so it feels wrong to say I had a "bad" childhood but there are a few things that stick out negatively

It was a warm environment with love, kindness and respect. We were a big family without much. Grew up in a council house, during a time when money was scarce, jobs precarious and redundancies were frequent but never actually felt that poor. Lots of laughter, pets, family get togethers. What money there was was spent on us kids. During holidays we’d visit family in Ireland where my parent’s came from.

I got a lot of my core values from growing up in that environment in terms of work ethic, optimism, not judging people by what they have but by what they do and also the sense that kindness, integrity and respect should be basic to the human condition. it’s what we saw modelled by our parents. Now when my sibs get together there’s still that unconditional support, non-judgemental ease and lots of laughing.

When I look back as an adult with an understanding of how perilously close we must have come sometimes to financial disaster, I realise what a good job my parents did keeping us afloat while shielding us during our childhood. Love was a forcefield that kept the scaries away and has left me with a resilience that makes me feel I can do, and get through, pretty much anything. It’s something that I try very hard to pass on to my dc too.

Also awful, one of my very earliest memories is of being aged 4 not allowed inside the house at night, so just sitting on the doorstep and walking round to the back door to see if it was open - or being put outside the house in the middle of the night in my nightie. Of my mum telling me aged 8 that I was no longer allowed to live in the house and being shut outside. Or of my mum trying to strangle me underwater when I was in the bath aged 9, or when she pushed me down the stairs etc etc we're no contact now and the extended family can't understand why :-)

Decent enough until I went to secondary school.
I grew up in the countryside, animals were enough to keep me occupied and happy when I was very young. I also didn't notice we weren't bathed often enough or in clean enough clothing until it was repeatedly pointed out to me in high school.
My parents were definitely more interested in the country lifestyle than they were in bringing up children, anything we wanted to do was a massive inconvenience (I didn't stay out later than 9pm until I got a car at 18 as I was totally reliant on lifts from them and not allowed to sleep over at a friend's under any circumstances!) but I was expected to work every weekend/holiday for hours, more than most in paid employment!
Weirdly, I was also dressed in men's clothing until I had my own money at 18. I was led to believe I was too big to fit in ladies clothes! Imagine my surprise when I went shopping with my own money and found loads of shops I could choose from! Basically it was easier for my mother to clothe me in hand me downs from a male family friend so that's what she did.
There's loads more weirdness but would be here all day.
I have been NC with my parents for the last couple of years, they showed no interest in their GC and I don't miss them. Sadly I will miss out on a life changing amount of inheritance but even that doesn't sweeten the deal enough for me to bother speaking with them again.

Some of these posts are heart-breaking. I'm so sorry you experienced it.

Mine was happy, safe, secure and I have loads of wonderful memories. My parents were typical of the 70s/80s, mum always doing housework and wondering what the neighbours will think and dad worked hard. They were also authoritarian, "do as you're told" etc and we were smacked. My dad broke the mould though as he spent a LOT of time with us playing and we had lots of family time (TV, board games and day trips). We never had a holiday abroad but I have such lovely fond memories of them.

I can also relate to the benign neglect, out on our bikes from dawn to dusk with a box of sarnies (made by mum).

Teenage years were fucking awful, mum especially hated the way I dressed and got on at me constantly. I think it's because she wanted me to be like her. And I'm not. Dad didn't want me to grow up so became argumentative with me. They really didn't accept who I was becoming. I buggered off to London and spread my wings. After a few years we were able to rebuild our relationship from the strong foundation. Still close and they're almost in their 90s. Does bug me though that I am still blamed for those years as "I was a nightmare" they forget their part in it.

Argued with brothers when young but all get on well now, never any rivalry.

I count my blessings.