Do you do favours?

[RiverF]

MN is often determined no one should do anything for nothing, but I read a self help book years ago, I forget which, it might even have been Dale Carnegie, which said prioritise favours for what they bring back to you.

Anyway, I've spent a lifetime taking opportunities to do favours, often helping people who were in no position to return them at the time. I daresay there have been some who took and never gave, but it's amazing how people do remember when you've helped them and want to pay it back. I also think paying it forward is a real thing, so it all helps make the world a little bit better place to live.

Anyway, I currently have an injury that means I can't drive and am limited on what other things I can do. There are so many people lining up to help me out and so many people i can ask for help without embarrasment 🙂

Help people because it's the right thing to do, but also becuase it's really good for you too.

No, my time and energy is valuable to me so I preserve it for myself and my family. There's always an opportunity cost in doing favours and I get more pleasure from the time I've carved out for myself than in doing things for others. I'm an independent person so I'd much rather rely on paid services like taxis which would be available exactly when I need it, because whenever I've had people offer help it's always had to work around their own work/family so it's inferior to a paid service in that sense.

@urunina That's a pretty bleak way of looking at human relationships.

I do when I can. I understand what you say about it helping, when I volunteered with a charity a few years ago it really helped my mental health.

I try to help people where I can, within reason. I also try to have boundaries about things that really don’t work for me, or with people who take the piss. It’s a hard balance to strike, but I’d rather help someone out if I can than not.

Only for sailors ...

I help people who need help, sure.

What i won't do is errands or chores for someone who is perfectly capable of doing it themselves but are just too lazy to

I used to all the time but been stung to many times.
One example had a lovely friend who didn't drive so she relied on me a lot.
I broke my arm and didn't hear from her for the whole time I couldn't drive.
She lived within a 5 min walk from my house and never visited once

For the people who matter to me or who genuinely need help, absolutely.

Yeah I do, I enjoy doing favours for people!

My job isn't that rewarding though (admin) so I like to feel useful outside of work.

Yes, I believe in random acts of kindness. I want to pass on all the help I've been given to other people.

I'm very choosy about who I do favours for as, in my experience, some people are users and will burden you with all their wants. There's a thin line between being helpful and being a doormat. I have definitely been a doormat in the past, so I probably come across as less helpful these days, when in fact my help is just more targeted towards people who are in genuine need and who aren't taking the piss. And who aren't bypassing others more in a position to help just because they know me as a soft touch. I'm also not keen on the concept doing things for others, just to have some goodwill in the 'bank'. It seems a bit calculating.

I do if I can, I want to and I like the person asking the favour. If any of these aren't true I don't do it.

Of course I do.
It is what makes the world go round.
If I can help someone in someway, or make their life a little easier, I can't understand why I wouldn't.

Same. My DH family member text him asking for a lift back from a night out and I was like 😧 why can’t they get a taxi? I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to drive me somewhere because I didn’t want to pay the taxi. Obviously if it was to the hospital or something important absolutely!

I do favours for people if it's very little effort for me and doesn't commit me to anything long term. I'm not a people pleaser so don't jump in to solve things whenever someone is complaining about difficulty, so I haven't been caught doing minding a CF's child for a whole summer or anything like that, but I'm happy to give a stranger change for the shopping trolley or other stuff that's small for me but solves frustration for them. I'm always grateful to people who do favours for me but don't feel bad about rejecting a favour if it doesn't suit me. MIL is the queen of forcing favours on to people so that she can claim a favour back in the future and seeing her behaviour has made me wary of people who seem to be looking for ways to do things for me.

Unasked for and without strings favours make me feel warm inside, like the time that I was in a queue to pay for some clothes in Boston and woman behind me asked whether I had tokens, which I didn't because I was a tourist. So she and her friend flipped through a stack of money off vouchers and gave me two that added up to about 15% off.

I will put more effort into favours for people that are my friends and family, there is some stuff that I'm very good at so takes me minutes but would be a time sucker for them. But if a person is a cheeky fucker they are unlikely to make the change from acquaintance to friend so none of my friends have ever tried to take advantage or put me in an awkward position.

I do favours.
I am always sad when people on here have no one they could possibly ask to eg take their child to school when another child is ill at home.
Little or big favours help us act as a society.

I do always have. Always been repaid in a round about way. I ended up in Hospital for a few weeks with 3 little DC and DH was working 60 hour weeks (I was self employed so immediately lost my income and he had to cover theiss earnings). No family nearby to help. My friends were fucking amazing. They picked the kids up from nursery and school, cooked for weeks for us (one friend cooked every week for the next 6 months when I was in recovery).
I have always done little things for other people.
The odd time someone has taken the piss but I just say no.

I have a few family members who are always looking to “borrow” money. They know not to ask me because I just say no every time. I know they won’t pay it back and I’m not getting taken in by it.
Some of the people I know are manipulative and would just take and take if they think you are a walk over so I need to be on my guard but if someone genuinely needs something of course I would help if I could.
I don’t drive, work or have much money and I’m not exactly a social butterfly so I generally don’t get asked for favours very often.
I’m wary of getting into a that kind of thing with people that you do sort of transactional favours for each other. They are usually more hassle and bs than anything else. If someone needs something I’ll likely say yes but genuinely don’t want anything in return.

Yes I help friends and family out.