How did you survive after DA

[Secretlysurviving]

Looking for pointers really.
At the point where I of course do feel like I'm loosing my marbles and questioning if I was over reacting to the whole situation although I know I am not. My abuser is begging for me back and admitted to the DA but also justifies it with things I done. I.e if he broke my property he justified with me throwing away something in the house in a declutter.
Anyway I feel set on my decision to leave. He scares me to death when he is angry I don't want to go back and won't be. How did you survive this break up? Do they ever give up thinking they have a right to ask for you to get back with them and will I ever stop feeling guilty for leaving.

Hi OP! I left a DA situation just under a year ago. Press ahead with your plan to leave. Domestic abusers are very unlikely to turn over a new leaf.

What happens after that really depends on your own circumstances. ExDP has never asked me to come back but he certainly tried to continue the abuse initially. I'm glad to say I have not heard from him for several months. I don't mind telling you my personal situation in much more detail but I don't think it will help you particularly. Just know that cutting ties as much as possible will minimise your chances of further abuse - so block social media. Have a separate email address for any communications.

Are you getting any support? Women's Aid really helped me. There may also be local charities in your area. Please get in touch with them. It is a very difficult and potentially risky time to leave and it is better to do it with support. Good luck.

Thanks for your comment. This is where I'm struggling. I'm getting all the usual of he's going to change and go to counselling and begging for his family back saying he is sorry and will change. I feel so guilty but I just can't do it again!!

He won't change, OP. That is a common tactic that abusers use. They need somebody to dominate and therefore don't want their partners to leave. It's all about his need to have a punchbag and also to protect his reputation.

I've been where you are, and I know it isn't easy. That feeling though of freedom after leaving is amazing. Recently my ex has been a bit of a dick again over the DC, and I realised that the feeling of dread and walking in eggshell I was experiencing was how I used to live EVERY DAY.

You have every right to leave, DV or not. You owe it to yourself to live your one life in freedom and peace. Sorry if that sounds trite, but having reached my mid 40s and with a couple of my contemporaries having not reached that age, it makes me realise that life is far too short to live in abuse.

I'm scared one day I'll live to regret my decision although I know this is best for my kids so I won't regret leaving does that even make sense? Like, my kids come first and there is no going back for me. But today is hard I haven't had a day like today yet since we split. I am actually missing him today missing him on the times we were good with each other... it's so confused

Abusers don't change. Don't even think about taking him back