I am looking for some support/ help if possible- I have not posted before and I have NC.
In the past 18 months we have lost 4 close family members, one of the hardest losses for me was my cousin (in his 40’s) who just dropped dead at home. We were very close spoke every week/ did lots of family things together. On top of this my job is at risk (will find out next week what this means) and as the main earner in the house it could mean (if I can’t get another job with similar wages) significant issues for my family. We are the main carers for FiL (he is 96 and at home still) and we contribute to some of his bills to keep him comfortable.
My DH has been on the 2 week cancer pathway for the past 2 months - with one more test/scan to go.
Thats some of the context, the real issue is my DD who is 18 - about 3 years ago she started self harming (cutting), feeling low, and her eating became more erratic. I fought really hard to get her seen by the eating disorder team (took me about a year) as she was losing weight and was so lethargic- they assessed her and said she wasn’t thin enough yet and she had ‘goals’ to put on weight. At that time the GP also referred her to Camhs.
Fast forward to 18 months later and I broke down and called the camhs crisis line begging for help. I was desperate DD was so thin and was literally eating 600-800 calories a day. The eating team finally agreed to see her again and this time immediately took her on. She has been with then for 6 months and to be honest they have been useless we have had a 6 week gap in care as her nurse went off sick and no therapy or support. She has now transferred to the adult team as ahe has just turned 18. Camhs saw her for 2 x 10 min sessions and because she hasn’t self harmed for a couple of months discharged her. They didn’t even bother doing any carer assessments or telling me they were discharging her (she was 17 at the time).
Her mental health and eating have had such an impact on us - we tip toe around her hoping she will eat something, we support her in terms of spending money on foods she wants/ take aways (that mostly don’t get eaten). We paid for private counselling while we were waiting for camhs/ the ED team, I have been in contact with BEAT and we have tried to take any stress of her so she can concentrate on getting well. My DS is getting less attention and my DD behaviour (attitude, telling us to f off etc when she doesn’t want to eat, her risk taking, how she treats us) has almost broken my marriage (I am married to her Dad).
I have literally had no time to myself for the past 3 years whilst I have tried to support her. I don’t sleep with the stress of it all - last night probably 4 hours (as an example) as I was then awake worrying about how little she ate yesterday. I am following all the advice given to me by the eating disorder team and dieticians.
Her Dad and her are very alike and they are either as thick as thieves or disagreeing!! Whilst he has not provided much of the emotional support he had done all the lifts to school, all the lifts to friends etc… shopping, more than 50% of the housework to take stuff off me.
I am currently off work with anxiety, ibs and stress. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up to be honest - so please be kind, but has anyone got any advice or been through this?
Thank you for reading.