Am I doing something wrong?

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DH claims it’s my fault our 2.5 yo gets in our bed in the middle of the night as I do bed time. He says I don’t deal with the tantrums well (I am calm and just talk him through it when necessary I don’t overreact) and says it’s my fault he (our toddler) will only go to me and is clingy to me.

I’ve tried to explain it’s normal things for kids his age. He doesn’t seem to listen. I said parenting is a 2 way street and he says I don’t let him do anything (apparently) and my way ‘doesn’t work’

I’m unsure what he means as like I say I am quite sure DS is a normal toddler and there’s no one way of parenting, we all have different ways.

Do I need parenting tips here??? I’m a bit lost

I too used the mattress on the floor at the foot of the bed for one of mine who woke at night. The rule was that she had to creep into her floor bed without waking us up. But this was of course only possible once she was old enough to understand this. She got very proud of her ability to not wake us!

It’s an age thing. The age he is at means he is now understanding more therefore dreaming/having nightmares which will disturb his sleep. Both my boys went through this stage at about 2.5. What I would say is that you have to teach him to go back to sleep so as hard as it is don’t let him in your bed and take him back to his own, even if you have to do it numerous times.

That is an issue. You need to remember that your husband came first so as much as your son is a priority, making him sleep in his own bed will not do him any harm. Allowing him to sleep on yours will as you also have to consider your relationship. My kids are older teens now and I’ve been with my husband for 25 years. I’ve seen many relationships break after children, you really need to remember your relationship as well as being parents, it’s so important to make time for each other and consider each other.

Sounds like you both need to change, rather than trying to win the 'I'm the good parent' battle.

OP, sounds to me like you need to toughen up a bit- giving a child lots of hugs and love every time they come out of their bed teaches them to come out of their bed. However, your DH shouting as a norm is not ok (shouting is not the same as having strict boundaries and behaviour expectations)

It sounds like you are becoming polarised - forcing each other into more extreme roles (you are coddling/ lavishing with love to make up for his 'structness', while he is probably playing hard ass and venting his frustration/ aggression, because you won't put down simple boundaries with your DC.

As others have said, you need to get on the same team, admitting that neither of you have the perfect answer and both of you have faults.

It also sounds like you may be pushing him out of the parenting- sounds like he's maybe willing to do more, but you are choosing to be the primary parent/do bed times, through a combination of guilt, love and critiquing his parenting....?

"Both my boys went through this stage at about 2.5. What I would say is that you have to teach him to go back to sleep so as hard as it is don’t let him in your bed and take him back to his own, even if you have to do it numerous times."

Sorry @ElvinBoys but this is simply not true. Children grow out of nightwaking and needing help to settle to sleep, it's a natural developmental stage, and forcing it with any kind of sleep training is not the best idea and is linked to insecurity and emotional regulation issues in later life.

Meet the need, nurture the child and let them develop independence at their own pace. They won't be in your bed forever, but responding to them with sensitivity and reassurance now will pay off as they get older.

Of course it’s a stage, most things with kids are stages, that doesn’t mean that you don’t train them to get past that stage. I’m a childcare provider with training who has seen hundreds of families and so many are still trying to get their child out of their bed at 8/9/10 years old. It may not be fun, but it’s our job as parents to teach them what is expected, that is how they learn.