One and done... now pregnant with second

[oneandunsure]

I have a two year old. Since he was born, my husband and I have been on the fence about a second. Just found out I'm unexpectedly pregnant. Always thought if this happened it would be a happy accident, but I'm distraught. Really questioning if a second is right for us, due to time, finances, extra stress etc.

If anyone else has been in a similar situation, can you advise how you proceeded? Especially keen to hear from people who were unsure about a second and went ahead, and how it's all worked out for you. It's early and I know I have options, but I'm really unsure about what to do for the best. My current child is so easy and we're in a great routine with work, nursery, etc, and I'm worried a second child would be too much.

Well we had youngest a single then 10 months later twins they are now at 3 and 2 years and I wouldn't change a thing adore the bones of them and by they love playing together and luckily our teens adore them to and vice versa

This was me! Had an abortion, never once regretted it. Very happy with my only child.

I do think you need to consider OP that few people regret babies once they actually exist, but that doesn't mean having the baby was the only good option.

And that their idea of coping might not be the same as yours. We could absolutely cope with a second baby. We probably wouldn't regret it when they were here and a real person. But the lifestyle we'd have wouldn't be the one we want. Love multiplies, but money and time don't.

I fell pregnant with my second 4 months after giving birth to my first. 39 when i had my son, 3 months from being 41 with my daughter,. Not entirely planned to happen that quick, but my husband really wanted 2. Completely different experience from the first, daughter has been 'ahem' a bit of a pain (understatement) but no regrets overall. I was working full time (always have) as run my own business. 5 weeks off for the 1st, 2 weeks for the second.

Yes, it’s a very personal decision, @ClonedSquare. While others can share their experiences, only the OP knows her specific circumstances and how she feels about termination (i.e., how she’ll emotionally cope with it).

When I found out I was pregnant with number 2 I felt shock, horror, fear. Didn’t improve much before having the baby. He is now the light of my life and we have a strong bond. I’m just sharing because few of us say how we felt and how that can change.

Could be worse. DH and I were half-heartedly trying for our 2nd when DD was 2. I fell pregnant with twins.

It was a seismic shock. DH and I cried in the pub after the first scan and have cried a lot more times along the way. Our whole life literally changed. New jobs, new house, new car. Frankly it was terrifying. 3 children was never the plan for us, but now they are all in school DD1 is 7 and DTwins are 5, it's actually brilliant. They all get along fabulously, and even when they don't it's not as bad as I thought it would be. DD1 loves her sisters and hasn't missed out in anyway. It's expensive and tiring but I wouldn't change it for the world.

If we can do it, you can too!

Same here and i'd have had a bigger age gap. I love how easy things are with 1 and how we can give her so much.

Thank you to everyone for sharing their experiences, I really appreciate it.

I'm so torn. One minute I'm like, absolutely no way, the next I'm thinking that maybe things would work out well.

I want to give myself time to think everything through, but I'm not sure I'm going to be 100% sure either way.

Give yourself some time to think about it. I was pregnant with my second unexpectedly ehen my first was 6 months I was so shocked and cried so much. Unlike you though we hadn’t decided how many we would have. I found going from none to one, way harder than one to two and they were/adorable together entertained each other! Why were you so adamant to only have one?

Forget my last comment about only having the one that came from another post!

I was unsure about going for baby number 2, but just went for it. No regrets. They are now 7 and 10. Yes there is more running around to do, but they will also play together and don’t rely on me for entertainment. My husband is also an only child and said he could be quite lonely growing up.

Such a personal choice.

But I think everyone has at least a moment of panic when pregnant with number two. You look at your first born, who is your world, and think why would anyone want to rock this beautiful boat?!

The best thing I ever gave my firstborn was a sibling (and then another!). Absolutely thrived in the role of oldest. Besotted with each baby. Grew so responsible and kind and caring in a moment.

I see them play together and just think how perfect and meant to be they are.

We are lucky in that their squabbles are rare and usually resolved between them. But I fought constantly with my siblings growing up and I think that was valuable as well. Learning to articulate your point, stand up for yourself, resolve disputes- all important life skills.

If you have a strong relationship and were wondering whether to have number two then I would say it will end up being a positive move.

Either have the child now and enjoy the family or ..
terminate and never have another.

If you think you would regret a termination, then have this child (then DH have the snip) rather than causing yourself grief and eternal guilt and then having another in a year or two.
Your second child is better off being a happy surprise than a child of guilt ridden parents making up for a loss.

I was in the same position 6 years ago, I panicked and booked a termination but then decided to continue with the pregnancy. The first few weeks were rough but she just slotted in somehow, going from none to 1 was way more difficult than 1 to 2.