A will one. I'm not sure where my sympathies lie

[RiverF]

BIL had an aunt. She had no children but was the widow of a man with one son. The son had never lived permanently with them, but she'd been his step mum since childhood.

She lived to very old age and was an "old lady" for c. 20 years, in that she stopped driving, was confused about finances and anything "modern", needed (wanted?) a lot of help. In her last years she had dementia

She was never a particularly pleasant person and that got worse as she got older. She was wealthy and generous at birthdays and Christmas.

Anyway, BIL did loads for her, had POA and basically ran her finances, lots of DIY, taxi service etc. She could be very demanding and unpleasant if anyone said no to her, often using "the will". Step son saw her rarely after his father died.

BIL always said he wasn't doing it for the inheritance, just becuase there was no one else, but she had always led him to believe her estate would be split 50/50 between Step son and BIL (her nephew).

In the end, she left most to the step son with small legacies to BIL and some other relatives in her husband's side.

In some ways, she's done the right thing, she's passed her husband's estate (but also hers) to his son, but BIL is right to feel a bit miffed after all he did for her?

She did the right thing surprisingly.

She maybe should have left what she deemed as her personal wealth to a blood relative especially one that helped her - but maybe all her money had belonged originally to her husband?

Never help someone in anticipation of money Op. You either do it with love or at least tolerance or a sense of duty. Too many people say they'll change their wills and never do.

BIL's motives were mixed weren't they. There is a lot of guff about inheritances on mumsnet, but I can absolutely understand why he expected to be included in the will and I would feel the same tbh.

It depends on where the money came from in the first place, did her husband earn it? Presumably he already had money/assets as he already has a son. If that's the case then his son should inherit.

If instead the assets were built by the aunt, then BIL should inherit

They were married for 40 years, surely they're marital assets by then? What he had at the time of his divorce would have been split with the boy's mother then.

They both had good jobs.

BiL definitely helped preserve the estate by supporting her to stay in her own home much longer than would have otherwise been possible.

It doesn't matter, she's done what she's done, but I can understand why BIL is put out, at the same time as genuinely believing none of us should expect anything.

Her money, she can leave it to who she likes with no shoulds about it.

Anyway, BIL did loads for her, had POA and basically ran her finances, lots of DIY, taxi service etc. She could be very demanding and unpleasant if anyone said no to her, often using "the will

There you are, then. Someone unpleasant and manipulative has been unpleasant and manipulative to the end. She got BIL to run around after her and no doubt used the hook of what would be in her will for him to do so.

I think this stinks.

BIL was good enough to be called upon to do all her help, but not good enough to inherit anything much at all from her.

The woman used BIL, and misled him.

I think it's awful when people hint that they'll leave someone something in their will when they probably have no intention of doing so.
My wealthy, childless uncle often told my dad, who didn't earn much and struggled financially, that he'd "look after" me and siblings in his will. He didn't leave any of us a penny. My mother said the same about my kids and didn't leave them or me a penny. Of course none of us should expect an inheritance, it isn't a right. But it is incredibly unkind to suggest that you'll leave someone money that would make a real difference to their lives, then leave it to someone else.

I don't think that people shouldn't expect anything. I want my children to have my house, bank account and whatever chattels I have. And they have every right to expect it.

I can understand why BIL is put out, at the same time as genuinely believing none of us should expect anything.

Quite so. Not sure what there is to discuss really!

If she told him he’d get half then he’s not unreasonable to expect half, however if I was running around after someone who wasn’t particularly nice I think I’d want it in writing that I’d be at least getting reimbursed after their death.