Feeling sad years after mums death,is this normal?

[tingalinggg]

I'm 32 now.
My mum died when I was 13
She had breast cancer
She was my best friend
I'm a only child
It was always me and her and my grandma (her mum )
They are both gone now
I walk past my old primary school and get sad because I think of them both coming to see me at dinner time and kissing me through the fence.
I see people who remind me of my grandma and tear up.
My grandma passed 5 years ago and she was the second mum to me.
I feel like I have a massive hole in my heart tbh
I miss them both terribly
I still feel cheated out of a mum
Do you think it's normal ?

Yes, it’s normal. It comes over you at the most unexpected times.

Hi Op. Yes, it is absolutely normal for you to feel this way - regardless of how long it has been since your Mum and Grandma died. You miss them terribly and are grieving them. You are also grieving the life you have missed by them passing early. I also lost a parent when I was young and sadly, it changes you.

Do you speak about them to anyone? I find this helps (with the right person). I also found therapy helped. It's very traumatic to lose a parent in childhood. Do you think this is something you could do?

Anyway, I am letting you know every feeling you are having is normal - it's healthy to feel them rather than close those feelings down. Sending you lots of love. x

Everything you've written is absolutely normal. You lost your Mum when you were so young, no wonder you feel cheated.
The only thing I know is that the loved ones we lose would want us to go on and try to be happy.

Completely normal and understandable. We never stop missing people we have loved and the bond with a Mother who loved you is especially precious.
Losing her at 13 must have been so hard for you. No wonder you are still sad.

Completely normal, it is no wonder that you miss them both so much. I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad. I find grief does come in waves. Do you have anyone to share your lovely memories with?

This. DM died 16 years ago this year (still can't quite believe it). Still miss her.

yes it’s normal. My mum died 23 years ago and I still miss her, I was in my early twenties when she died, and I feel sad that I have lived more of my life now without her in it than with her in it. All I have of family is my adult children now, and as they have become more independent and moved out I have really felt the loneliness of having no other family (I have other family members, we aren’t close and I don’t see them ever).

I talk about them both with my partner and my life is happy but this sadness is always there in the back of my mind.
She would of been 62 now
She was so young when she passed away
I know we would of been best friends
Shopping ,days out together

Yes. My Mum died when I was in my mid-20s. I was past 50 when I think I finally got over it,

My mum died last year. I'm in my 50s. I feel lonely now.

I'm so sorry you lost your lovely mum so young OP. And for the loss of your grandma.

How you feel sounds totally normal. I lost my mum a few years ago, I was in my 30s but I still sometimes think of the things that I've subsequently missed out on doing with her (my hen do, choosing a wedding dress and of course my wedding, were occasions that I was especially sad she didn't get to share).
I don't think anyone is quite the same after bereavement. You are probably finding that many friends the same age don't understand, as they haven't experienced it yet. People expect you to just get over it, and time helps but as you are finding, you still have moments of sadness. It's perfectly normal xx

As others have said very normal. I find the ball in the box analogy somewhat helpful in explaining why grief can feel so raw and painful many years after the event (it's a bit over-simplistic in some ways, I don't think everyone starts with a big 'ball' and then it linearly decreases over time, for instance I think it's super common for children that lose a parent to cope quite well initially, but then struggle a lot more as adults, particularly when they become parents themselves or when their children reach the same age as they were when bereaved).

https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/talking-about-death-and-dying/why-grief-is-like-a-ball-in-a-box/

Someone on here once wrote grief over the death of a loved one is like spilled glitter. You will still come across it years later.
I can't imagine how it feels to have your mum taken at such a young age. Totally normal to feel that you have been cheated out of a mum.