Any way out of this absolute panic re life?

[HerORMe]

It’s just hit me from reading another thread where most women are earning 100k plus, that I’m absolutely screwed! Actually panicking at the situation I’m in and am hoping there’s some clever advice on how to dig my way out:

48, single mum to 5 year old
Have not worked since maternity leave
Industry now doesn’t really exist
Moved from London to a town with no work opportunities other than minimal wage
No house
No pension
No inheritance on the horizon (parents already passed away and left me a small amount of money, of which I have about £60k left)

Am intelligent but have suffered with various issues and been in detrimental relationships etc…

Rather than questioning how I got into this situation, how on earth can I get out? I feel absolutely alone and panicked and like there’s no way out

@HerORMe
Have you logged onto your govt gateway account and checked for any gaps in your NI record? If you have gaps you can back fill them but must do so before 5 April 2025. You will get lots of information on your pension record on whether it is worthwhile back filling or paying additional NI in future. In some cases backfilling £14,000 (max) can boost the state pension by £5,000 a year from 67. Assumes you will live well into retirement.

hi OP definitely don’t use Mumsnet as a benchmark - its full of salary/career bullshit!

Some questions to ponder:
What do you want to do ?
What can you do ?
What flexibility do you need ?

I understand, we don’t have any family around either. My point was that why live somewhere where there’s no work and no family? Lots of us move for work and live where we can get decent jobs. Not having family there makes it easier.

Thanks for all the great advice and support, really really helps! Finance course a great idea, and gah - that’s vital advice re NI contributions. I have huge gaps. And yes working out what I want to do and can do… beating myself up for not having a proper profession. Working in publishing, the type of work I did, has virtually died out and not sure the relevant skills can be applied to anything related without some serious upskilling.

I don’t want to get into how I got in this situation - but life isn’t always perfect nor goes to plan. I moved here from another country 20 years ago, so no family, suffered in an abusive relationship where we weren’t married. If you have savings you can’t get any benefits. Couldn’t afford London where jobs are etc etc. Hence feeling like there’s no way out… course there is but it’s hard to see

Thanks for reminding me. I'm always comparing my life with everyone else's, and Mumsnet usually makes me feel like a failure...🥺

Do a degree?

I did it when DS was 5/6. Look at your nearest, commutable uni. You will lose benefits but get student maintenance loan. Do it while ds little then you will be better placed when he is through primary to start a career.

There are bursaries and financial support available for low earners/parents.

I got full maintenance loan (9.3k), then 2.4k a year in bursaries. Didn't qualify for help with childcare. Did humanities, only about 8-10 hours a week contact hours, rest is self study. All summer off, 3 weeks at Christmas, 3 at Easter. Only Feb and Oct half-term to find childcare for but tbh, just missed those weeks in person stuff if I couldn't fund any. Also lectures are online so only have to physically attend seminars.

I start an MA in September as well. 10k bursary from my uni. Plus government loan.

Would love this but get overwhelmed where to stay looking. Where do you start applying for loans? The uni directly?

So first you need to apply for a place. Once you get an offer, then apply for student finance, and sometimes the uni for bursaries, some are automatic. Have you got a uni close enough to commute to? Have a look at the courses, there will be specific courses with a foundation year, so it will take 4 rather than 3 years.

Look at the course carefully, check the estimated amount of contact hours etc, what the admissions process is. I interviewed and did a couple of very basic tests in the February, offered a place in March. Started September, graduated 4 weeks ago with a first 😁. I'm 46 and wasn't the oldest.

You apply for student finance via the government website.

It's been hard work but very rewarding. I've loved every minute of it. Some weeks I've been mad busy, with assessments and reading and revision. Probably 2 x 6 week periods a year I was like 'wtf have a done this for'. The rest of the time was pretty easy really.

It fits really easily around family life. I have 2 dcs, own business, a dh that works full-time and no family help. So if I can do it so can you.