Stay at one and go part time or have a second child?

[december2020]

DH and I have been thinking about another child.

We've been doing the finances and it's a strong possibility that if we stick at one I could go part time without it impacting our lifestyle ton much (due to some inheritance and paying off mortgage)).

We could have a comfortable life and I could help DC with any university tuition fees and help him get on the property ladder with a deposit.

But I don't know if we'd be able to do it for 2 kids.

Of course everyone is different, but if you were in my position what would you do and why?
I'm so conflicted as I've always wanted 2 but the older I and DS get, the more staying at one feels like the sensible option.

I love having an only DC, to be honest it wasn't a financial decision ... we just wanted to be able to give time and energy to one DC and knew this would be a stretch with two .. DS is 23 now, I have never regretted not having a second DC, our DS is happy, confident, outgoing, easily makes friends ... wherever he goes (just done six months working overseas since graduating - never lonely) .. of course it helps we are able to support him more financially than if we had two and also being able to spend time (& money) supporting his hobbies and interests.

Personally I value time and space to myself and this was certainly easier with one DC than two or more ... and obviously having a fully engaged father made a difference.

But that's our choice .. neither my DH or I are particularly close to our siblings ... I appreciate some siblings have a very close bond ... but many don't!

I am an only child but made the decision to have 2 children - am glad I did.

And to answer your specific question about finances ... I was able to be a SAHM for 12 years, our mortgage was paid off in our mid 40s & we have invested substantial savings for our DS's future ,.. and both DH & I been able to retire early.

Personally I think it's a bit selfish to be deliberately one and done for materialistic reasons

user genuine question .. why?

Are you implying that it is selfish to only have an only DC? Surely having a DC is a pretty selfish thing to do anyway if we are being completely honest. No one has a child thinking 'I must produce a future tax payer for the future of the economy'. .

You are comfortably off. You would never regret having a second but you might regret not doing. Don't leave too much of a gap either.

I think it depends on if you really want a second.
The worst thing to do is have a child as a life companion or playmate for your first, we all know it very often doesn't work out that way.
We love having an only child, as does he, we get more time with him and feel less pressure.

I work part time and I love it, being able to spend lots of time with him or when he wants to be out with his mates playing (more often now) he knows I am about if he wants me, he doesn't "need" to be in any clubs or go anywhere for child care, it's great. But everyone is different, so if you long for a 2nd child go for it, but make sure it's for the right reasons.

Bare that is a rather a naive comment ... people do regret having a second DC, as they might regret having a first child, it's just that it would take a very brave person to publicly admit that ... even on an anonymous forum.

I would suggest going with what you want in your heart. It sounds like you have done the practical bit, the sums 😊. Xx

Thank you everyone! I never thought it'd be so hard. I was dead certain on two and if I had infinite finances then I'd definitely have two.

@usererror99 - surely it's not about the materialistic side and being selfish ,but rather being able to spend time with one child, potentially being able to ensure they don't have to be in wrap around care all the time and ensuring they don't need to worry about their future and any debts if you're able to help them. If anything, it sounds more selfless to me?

If you had one, you could spend far more time with him and take him to more activities of his choice. He wouldnt have a sibling, which for some people is a life-long, happy and close relationship. But most adults I know just arent that close with their sibling.
My dsister has an only, who is a well adjusted happy active adult now, and seems like a great advert for only children!

But what do you actually WANT?

We stuck with one and it was such a good choice for us. One is calm, peaceful, and manageable. We can afford to help her. Me and DH have enough time for ourselves. But it depends on what works for you. Many of my friends have two now and that was right for them, but their way of life would be absolutely hell on earth for me. They're not wrong, they made the right call for them. But many feature of life with two or more would make me miserable. My DC and DH would suffer for that too. So, I'd say, despite the maths, think about what you want your life to be like in 2,5, 10 years etc and go from there.