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Teen dd has really hurt me on bday :small issue

30 replies

Sonowitsme · 25/06/2024 18:44

So it's my bday.

I've not had such a great day at work, fine. To be honest I don't care that much for bday but it's always painful for me as I lost my parents young and I miss that parental love to be honest.
This is so much ridiculous of me to write but I worry I've gone gone very wrong with my oldest dd 16 and she's doest actually care for me at all.

She shoved a card at me with no affection or excitement at all.

Then she physically barged past me to say something to her dad which he handed her a present that she then shoved at me.

I said thank you hugged her and said can I open it later I've just got in the door.

I'll have it when we eat.

I had to pop out again and when I returned I asked if she could put a table cloth on the outdoor table and she grunted then asked her sister to do it. I asked her if she was unwell and said no.
She then extremely nastily said " I'll do it, I'll end up doing it anyway."
She dies nothing around the the house, absolutely nothing!!

She is supposed to do two very small jobs which I didn't ask her to do during gcse.
She doesn't help with food making or washing, no chores except the two she's not done.

I feel hurt.... It feels like a lack of care and love. She doesn't want to make it a nice day for me.

OP posts:
merrymelodies · 25/06/2024 20:11

First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎈
I'm sorry you're not enjoying it much, though. My DC were teens recently (now in their early 20s) and I know how hurtful teen behaviour can be. My two once "forgot" Mother's Day - no greeting, no card, nothing. I was so hurt that I ran out of the house and went for a walk to calm down. Teenagers are known for being extremely self-centred and unempathetic. Try not to take your daughter's behaviour as a statement of her love for you. ❤️

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 25/06/2024 20:52

Surely you could've sat for the 5-10 minutes it takes to open your present?

Honestly, she gave you your present immediately and you basically said cheers, not now.

Harrysmummy246 · 25/06/2024 20:55

Sonowitsme · 25/06/2024 19:14

Perhaps but the body language and handing over the card then the irritated barge past me made me feel it was all a massive hassle and incovience anyway.

It's hard because she's the eldest but dd 2 is far far more affectionate.

And I see it now as she's getting older. Dh has a very cold sister and I have mildly worried dd is like her.

Do you even like your daughter? Perhaps she's fed up of apparently not measuring up to her younger sister

Veritysays897 · 25/06/2024 21:04

Happy birthday op!

You have not done anything wrong. Your dd is transitioning away from you to become an independent adult and she needs to reject you for a while to make this possible. It’s perfectly normal.

Please don’t take it personally. This won’t necessarily be about you op; she is probably in a mood for a totally different reason.

I know this sounds awful but for the next five years, do everything you can to make your own birthday as nice as possible for yourself; and after that time she’ll come back to you!

Kelly51 · 25/06/2024 21:40

She's 16. She's presumably just finished her GCSE's so is exhausted and maybe feeling a little lost.
ffs what a ridiculous excuse.

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