Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Put out by this friend

4 replies

Saymynameandeverycolourilluminates · 24/06/2024 22:48

I have a friend I met through a baby group (kids now in reception) and whilst we have developed a good friendship and I enjoy spending time with her, In the past yr she has blown very hot and cold having spent the previous yr leaning on me quite significantly emotionally.

I’ve put up with this but since The end of Jan I’ve been very and progressively more ill on and off, spent a lot of time in bed, have struggled to care for the DC - very tough and I was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune condition in April of which I’d had an acute flare.

Becasue of being ill i haven’t seen her that much….however on reflection I actually think that had to stop us catching up did it?!? As in I felt like it had been me being ill but worked out that if she’s not going to be bumping into me/passing she doesn’t make much effort - I suggested a few easy specific things in that time ( mid March - to now) but she hadn’t been able to do any of them. She doesn’t even know about my diagnoses - hasn’t asked.

At the end of April we bought and moved into a new house and it was a complete disaster, and has been really, really tough. Especially on top of being ill - I actually don’t normally do this as like to be quite strong but she messaged me on 3rd May and I just sent her a long message just totally outlining everything - I really just needed a friend. She message to say so sorry etc.etc. and wanted to help and she was going away with work the following week for a few days but would pop round as soon as she got back. I said that would be great and I couldn’t wait to catch up properly.

I did not hear anything from her then until 27th May when she messaged me wanting to call round and ‘have a nosey’ at the house as she would be passing the following morning. It just felt a bit crap - and we were on holiday which she didn’t even know about!

I messaged her when we got back to say I needed a couple of days in bed but could she do any of these dates for a quick coffee, took her nearly a week to voice note me back, by which time 1 had and 1 of those days/times suggested had nearly passed! Told me she couldn’t do any of them, all the super busy stuff she has planned in next few weeks - plus her DC’s bday party which is just for school friends mind - so my DC not invited was the message. But by the way l’ll be passing yours next week (now tomorrow) again so could call.

I haven’t messaged her back and I think I’m wise to probably leave it aren’t I?

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 25/06/2024 00:55

Honestly yes.

your life is hard enough just now without wasting spoons (il add the spoon theory below as it might help you now you are ill) on people who aren’t giving you anything!
you just don’t have the energy to use it on anyone who doesn’t add to your life at the moment and that’s ok!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

Origin
In her 2003 essay "The Spoon Theory", American writer Christine Miserandino tells a story about a time she told a friend about her experience with lupus. As they were at a restaurant, Miserandino grabbed spoons and gave them to her friend. Miserandino used the spoons to demonstrate that people with chronic illness often start their days off with limited quantities of energy. The number of spoons represented how much energy she had to spend throughout the day. As Miserandino's friend stated the different tasks she completed throughout the day, Miserandino took away a spoon for each activity. The exercise demonstrated how people with chronic illness may plan their actions in advance in order to conserve their energy.

Spoon theory - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

Saymynameandeverycolourilluminates · 25/06/2024 06:51

Thank you for this @Ginkypig I’ve never heard of this! I just kind of think it’s gotten to the point where it would be really awkward now, especially if I tell her how sick I’ve actually been.

OP posts:
DreamBream234 · 25/06/2024 07:39

Yes OP, she has shown her true colours. Giving you a virtual hug.
@Ginkypig thanks for that link. I'm saving my precious spoons now!

Ginkypig · 25/06/2024 12:43

No problem @Saymynameandeverycolourilluminates and @DreamBream234

i hope it can be of help and I’m pleased you’re saving them, we all need enough spoons to keep going!

here is the original article if you are interested its where the idea of the spoon theory comes from. The original article has much more impact than just mentioning it as a theory.

https://lymphoma-action.org.uk/sites/default/files/media/documents/2020-05/Spoon%20theory%20by%20Christine%20Miserandino.pdf

also @Saymynameandeverycolourilluminates
I’m sending you my thoughts I hope things settle down for you enough for you to start living again.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread