To cut a long story short my children lost their dad nearly a year ago to suicide.
Since then dc15 has been depressed often threatening suicide, dc17 has been acting out, not coming home until late and substance abuse. dc12 is still in shock and doesn’t quite believe it but otherwise ok.
I have tried everything to convince them to go to therapy but they absolutely refuse.
I had to reduce my working hours dramatically as there had been so many incidents where i had to leave to come home to my children or go out looking for them after receiving worrying msgs from them..
They are finished for school soon and I am petrified about not being here to keep an eye on things. I have already went from 30 to 12 hours at work this is taking a toll on me financially but I feel I have no other choice.
My own mental health hasn’t been great , I find it so hard to get through the day but I never let my children know this. I cry every single night as soon as I get into bed it’s like I’m holding it in all day and it’s a release. I have awful thoughts making up scenarios in my head about what if I come home to one of my children dead. Imaging their funerals. Imagining me being in a horrible accident and no1 to care for my children.
I know I need to go to the doctors myself.
I am considering leaving work completely I’m that afraid of something happening while I’m not here.
What would u do in my situation? Has anyone any advice