Hi, this is going to be a long one.. or maybe not, who knows at this point...
I have been with my partner for 13 years, since I was 18 and he was 20. The relationship was quite volatile when we first got together, he lied a lot, cheated on me with a few people, the first person he cheated on me with was actually my best friend from school, i lived with her and her mum after my parents moved to France, it was so early in our relationship that i blamed her, she said she was doing it to show me what he was like, but clearly i didnt listen. He ended up assaulting me one day at his mums house, pushed me to the ground and kicking me in my stomach, she begged me to leave him and said hed never change and was just like his birth dad. Things eventually calmed down as we both grew up. 6 years later we had our first daughter, things were good for a while until he started lying again, not helping me with bills and generally making me feel unloved. I cheated on him, he found out and things have never really been the same since. I did break up with him for several months, he plotted up in his work van and 'lived' on my estate in his car for this time, he then had a serious car crash, resulting in a broken neck and back, I instantly took him back and helped him in his recovery. We moved from a flat to a house so we had a garden for our little girl, things were generally quite good but the intense arguing started again, just verbal but it could be very bad, one day he threatened to chuck boiling pasta water over me, he ended up chucking it into the garden, just missing me, police were called by neighbours. Lockdown began and things were actually surprisingly good for us, i ended up pregnant with our second daughter, he was always lovely when I was pregnant, didn't drink, didn't shout. After our second daughter was born we then moved to a 3 bed house, was my dream house in a dream location, I thought he was amazing in providing us with a great life, I did work too but eventually gave up to spend as much time as possible with my youngest. I quickly fell pregnant with our third daughter, again things carried on great for a while but eventually he began drinking again, occasionally doing drugs with his friends, lying, having people in our house all the time, loud music, not somewhere nice for children, hed get very cross at me for voicing me opinion, say things like i control his life and not let him have fun, i did genuinely believe it at the time as it seemed like i was always moaning or asking him to stop doing things he wanted to do, i began to wonder whether i was the problem.. We were given an opportunity to move away in a council house, with the way private rentals were going it seemed like a great opportunity, so in February this year we moved 2 hours away from our family and friends.
Police have been here several times already... on the 2nd June we went to the beach, he ended up attacking me in the car as we were leaving, punching me in the stomach, neck, arms... passers by saw and got my children out of the car, I quickly got out after. He got arrested for GBH, I didn't give a statement and refused to acknowledge what happened, he is on bail until the end of July and can't come to our village, he had no where to go so I let him back, got on with life like nothing had happened... last night he began drinking, a lot.. in and out the house with someone he knows from a nearby town, I told him his behaviour is getting ridiculous and it needs to stop, he ended up putting me in a headlock, I was struggling to breathe and fell down to the floor all whilst he's shouting at me to stop being controlling and still gripping my neck in his arm. Police were called by the neighbours and he got arrested. I now don't know what to do, he is such a good person when he doesn't drink, I honestly love him with my whole entire being! Social services are obviously involved somewhat because of the arguing in front of children, they have been trying to get him help with his alcohol and depression but had nothing start yet.
My partner pays for everything, my children are 7, 3 and 15 months, if I get a job I have no idea how I'll pay for their childcare and all bills. I feel like we are in an impossible position, in one hand I want my children to have a mum and dad that live with them, we do have so many good times as a family, far more than the bad times, it's just that the bad times are becoming more regular and more violent. I also don't want my 3 girls growing up thinking that this is normal behaviour. I don't even know if it's domestic abuse, why have I stayed for so long if it was really that bad, if he didn't love me why would he provide for us (most of the time) or even stay with me. I don't really know what I'm writing this for...