My partner keeps leaving after arguments

[Mumlife03]

Hello, I’m just looking for advice or just someone to reassure me, I’m 20 and have a little one who’s 2 who I share with my partner, me and my partner have been together for about 5 years. He has recently in the past few months been leaving and turning his location off after disagreements and arguments.. usually over me bringing up issues due to his past with cheating on me and he will lash out and belittle me and use my childhood trauma to one up me almost? He will then leave and ignore me for different periods of time leaving me to look after the little one by myself.. I struggle with mental health and he says the most horrid things to trigger me and then will leave I’m not entirely sure what to do as he had promised the last time he had done it he would not do it again and would try to communicate with me instead but I’m not currently sitting and he’s just left again…

If he has cheated on you in the past, why are you still with him?

This. Either forgive and forget or leave.
Even without the cheating he sounds like a dickhead. Do you think you deserve this treatment?

Leave him. He wants you to grovel and stoke his ego by asking him to come home or by smoothing things over after an argument.
Even without that he is starting fights, using trauma against you, and he has cheated. You and dc are better off without him, even if it doesnt feel like it now

You can't bring up stuff from the past in arguments.

If he has cheated on you, you either dump him or mentally put it behind you.

But honestly, I think you are only with him because you got together young, had a baby and don't know that relationships are supposed to be a lot better than this.

My lovely, I don’t think anyone here is going to give you the reassurance that you want.

You’ve spent a period of your life with him where you start to change and become who you are as an adult. And you either grow and change together or you change and grow apart. It does happen, but the vast majority of adults are not still with the partners they had in their mid to late teens. I mean this in the kindest possible way but I think you need to start preparing yourself for the possibility that this is not the man for you.

In addition to that, he actually sounds like a bit of a dick. Decent blokes don’t treat their girlfriends, let alone the mother of their child, the way he’s treating you. You’re acting like this is all about him and what he wants. Actually, this is your life. It’s about you, what you want and the shit that you are not prepared to accept from any idiot who is still behaving like a teenager. Leave this one behind; he’s not going to keep up with you and what you and your child need. He is inadequate.

Do you have family support? Or a friend who is a powerhouse, take no crap, gets shit done, type of person? You need to tell them that you need them to be there for you. And are you getting treatment for your mental health? If not, the doctors needs to be your first port of call.

He’s training you to not disagree with him….

These are not the actions of a grown man or a good father OP. Relationships should be respectful. I think you deserve better

He's controlling you, get used to having the baby on your own because to be quite frank his behaviour will not get better.

When he comes back - ask him to explain why he did it again and why he feels it’s okay to do that. If you don’t get the answer you want and reassurance you want tell him you need to think about things because you aren’t happy, clearly he’s not either.

Unless you can understand each other it’ll keep happening- and then where do you stand ?

he says the most horrid things to trigger me and then will leave I’m not entirely sure what to do as he had promised the last time he had done it he would not do it again and would try to communicate with me instead but I’m not currently sitting and he’s just left again…

Also, he’s not going to stop saying horrible things to you because he wants to go out. He upsets you, starts a row and he can then storm off and do whatever he wants to do. If he doesn’t say the horrible things to you, then there’ll be no arguing and he won’t have a reason to storm out to go and live the life of a 20 year old with no responsibilities.

I don’t think you’re quite ready to see it yet, but what you should be doing is making plans to get rid of him. Are you working or a sahm? Do you rent? Whose name is on the tenancy agreement? If it’s private, will they accept housing benefit? This is all going to be stuff you’re going to need to think about sooner or later. It’s best to be prepared.