What do I do when my child is trying to play with a kid who's not into it?

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

So, I'm new to the whole kids making friends thing as he's always been an antisocial little thing but he's hit 3 and suddenly now he's everyone's best friend (so he thinks). So just wanting a bit of advice on how to navigate this.

Two scenarios both happened today, me and my husband disagree on how to deal with these.

First scenario - little girl playing in the sand, about a year or so older than him. He goes over and sits with her and she is great with him for about ten minutes until she very obviously gets sick of him. She then runs away to play on the apparatus and my son follows behind her. She then runs over to her parents and starts playing in the sand near them. She's obvs trying to ditch her little clingon. I'm trying to redirect my son elsewhere but he's not having any of it and I say to my husband I'm going to pick him up and take him to a different section of the park. My husband thinks I should just leave him to it and let them work it out between themselves, which I understand but she was clearly uncomfortable and trying to get away.

Second scenario- I move him to a different part of the park and we go into a quiet part where a boy about 3 years older than him is playing. My son is desperately trying to follow him and climbs trees with him and this little lad is just ignoring him. The boy again ends up running away to try and get away from him and my son jets off after him. I go to try and stop him and my husband thinks I should just leave him to it.

Typing this out, I'm starting to think I may be wrong but I just feel bad for the kids who are making it clear they don't want to play with him having to navigate that situation. I think the problem is is my son picks kids who are minimum 1/2 years older than him. If he'd try and befriend a child his own age I don't think we'd encounter this quite as often.

What's the best course of action in these situations? Mine, or my husbands?

Yours.

Yanbu

I think giving him a while to see is fine as you did but good to redirect if they are getting fed up. You are helping him understand important social cues.

Redirect him away and play with him so he is distracted enough to leave the other child alone.

I'm with you all the way on this one.

We are the opposite - my child is the one who is never forthcoming when other children try to play with him. I always feel bad for the other child 🙈 But I do think you’re doing the right thing. I try to encourage mine to interact with the child who wants to play with him but he’s so shy and would much rather just play with his brother or us. I do respect that and often end up chatting to the child myself for a bit before they usually get the hint and then usually they run off to find someone else to try and play with, or their parents call them away to try and get them to move on!

Your approach is right. Give them a few minutes to see if the other child does become receptive to the little one, but if not then it's your job to remove your child.

Sometimes older kids can be hard to read and go back and forth whether they want to play with the little ones (eg seem to be annoyed but come back when the little one loses interest), but I'd always err on the side of caution.

I've seen this a lot. The older kid who is now being harassed will react and either say something mean or push the younger child away. Or else you intervene and guide DS away. I don't necessarily think DH is wrong, either way the lesson will be learned. It's just easier all round for you to intervene. I work with this age group and we try to teach them if someone doesn't want to play then they should leave. We try to phrase it positively, they dont want to play now, they want a break from this game etc. The problem is the kids who don't pick up on social cues (someone literally running away!) are also the ones who often don't understand the instruction. We also tell children that if you don't want someone to play you say 'I don't want to play that game' or similar but never to resort to pushing or shouting or whatever. These children need to learn to stand up for themselves too. I think on balance the best approach is a combo of the two, tail your DS and then with DS present ask the other child if he/she wants to play and if they say no then tell your DS when someone says they don't want to play we have to go away. Let DS see that you are not just butting in to ruin his fun. It also gives the other child a chance to see that words can work and maybe next time they will say it more confidently. If your DS has good speech you could get him to do the asking.