What help is there? - teen losing parent to cancer

[Domoda]

I have a family member who sadly has a terminal cancer diagnosis. She has a 16 year old daughter. There is a MacMillan nurse supporting the parent, but no support for the 16 year old. Are there any services who can offer some support to the teenager?
They will be living with an aunt when their parent eventually passes and there is no clear idea of how long the family has got. The parent is at home and active still, but in a lot of pain and having chemotherapy.
I thought there must be a service or someone who can offer some support to the teen, to help them with coping with their parents illness and preparing them for what is inevitable, but I can't find anything? They have family who are supportive but I thought there might be professional support available?
Any ideas are welcome

Try Ruth Straus foundation for counselling after a child's parent dies.

I would recommend getting in touch with the Maggie's centre for your region. They are likely to have good contacts for this. They focus more on supporting people and their families through cancer, whereas Macmillan tend to have a more medical focus.

Thank you

Winston’s Wish and Daisy’s Dream both deal with child bereavement but not sure what they do before the parent dies.

Such a sad situation 😢

I'm in a similar position (parent with terminal diagnosis). As a family we are being supported by our local hospice. If not already referred, the GP should be able to do this.

From personal experience (my son lost his Dad suddenly aged 4) I can really recommend Winstons Wish. My thoughts are with the family...

I've heard of Winston's wish too. Also banardoes does counselling.
Check if your council has a service. It's called family gateway where I live. They can do the research on your behalf.

Grief encounter are in my opinion probably the best for this. Wishing them well. Be led by the child, if they want support then brilliant but if not then let them lead.

My family had support from the local hospice and they supported me after the deaths with therapy sessions for free.

Thank you. Yes most of the services mentioned here are for support after the bereavement, I'm really looking for support now if possible. The parent isn't linked to a hospice yet but it might come to that, if so we can look at what support can be offered to the daughter by the hospice.
Re the Maggie's centres, there is not one in accessible distance for the young person, and they only seem to offer in-centre services.
Will check any of the other suggestions on here that could work, thanks.

As someone who lost a parent to cancer as a teenager, the thing that would have help me the most would have been quality time with my parent before they died and having someone to talk through what to expect. That wouldn’t have to be a professional, just another family member would have been fine.

And then the things that were helpful after were having lots of involvement in planning the funeral and lots of support for dealing with all the practical stuff after death. I was 18 when my dad died, so this may be different for a 16 year old, but it became my responsibility to sell his car and his house, to clear out all his things, deal with post and newspaper delivery and all those just every day things. It was hard, so having someone who can take on those jobs, support the child, etc would help a lot. I realise they may not legally be NOK, so there will be an adult handling a lot of that, but it will be important to give them some control over and some support for how to handle all their parents things. It’s part of the grieving process.

I think there can be a lot of confusion/misinformation about hospices. They often offer respite and certainly if the parent has a terminal diagnosis then they should already have a link to the local hospice. They are not just there for "the end".

I have been visited monthly by a nurse from ours for the past year, just for a chat. I have recently asked to be referred to their psychologist and the same support has been offered to my teenage sons.

I think I will try to have a gentle conversation with the parent re their support and if they are 'with' a hospice, I must admit I assumed they weren't as I assumed that a hospice was just for end of life care, thanks for informing me otherwise, Twig.

Has the child expressed that they would like support. If not, then perhaps don’t have that conversation. My own children didn’t want to discuss the death until it was imminent and even not really then. Whilst he was still on chemo and reasonably well it was too abstract for them to process. They needed the help a few months after the death. They were similar ages

Try your local hospice. Ours has a wonderful child bereavement service. The adult does not need to be a hospice patient for the child to access the service.

I think your local hospice would be good place to start, if they can't help they'll know who can.
I work at a hospice and it's the most amazing, supportive, caring place.

Hospices are all independent charities so the services they offer will be different. We support from the time someone is diagnosed with a life limiting illness. We have counsellors who work with families, including children and teens, we also provide wellbeing and complementary therapy services and financial advice - as well as end of life care.

I foster two children who lost both parents to cancer. I've found Winston's wish very helpful for both me and the children.

Thanks everyone

I’d really recommend contacting the Ruth Strauss Foundation as one of their areas of focus is supporting families in the period before a parent with a terminal diagnosis dies - I think more focused on the parents (helping them think about how to support the kids, what conversations to have when etc) but in our experience this made a massive difference for our kids.

Yep people think you need to be at a hospice or receiving end of life care to access their support and that's not true. Myself and my parents were offered support in a number of different ways before they died or even had end of life care so it's always worth asking.

I was 16 when my mum was diagnosed, 18 when she died. The hospice she received respite care from helped her to make a Winston's Wish box for me which means the world to me now. I also had one counselling session at the hospice which was somewhat helpful. I think the most important thing I needed, and got, was that box made for me by my mum to help me remember her.

@mindutopia you did all that at 18!!

@LovingLifeInTheMidlands

Too few arnt there, df had terminal heart disease and we couldn't get near one, never referred or offered at all sadly

Is there money in the family? A friend of a friend died young and left their 6 year old. A best friend did a just giving page. They raised a few 1000, I think had they said the money would be put into an isa (junior) and even invested they may have got more even.
Maybe worth trying this if the child may need money?

I would agree with others that the local hospice may be very helpful. I had counselling from our local hospice as a teenager, when we thought my sibling wasn’t going to make it, after the death of another close family member to the same illness.
One of my family members children has complex PTSD from having no support after losing a parent. So you’re doing a great thing trying to make sure they’re supported. They’ll need it. I hope you find something locally.