Chronic low mood and negative mindset - 73 years old

[NorthernGirlie]

My Mum is currently being supported by the crisis team (who have been amazing) because her MH has deteriorated more recently

I sat in on the first visit 2 weeks ago and again today. I've also spoken to the crisis nurses on the phone as a lot of what she tells them isn't true.

She's saying that the low moods a d intrusive thoughts are new. They're not - I'm 45 and can't ever remember a time when she's had more than a week without an episode (crying, threatening to leave my long suffering dad, accusing him of affairs, accusing us of not caring etc)

There's obviously a huge history but 99% of the time she links back to 1 time in her childhood when my grandfather hit my grandmother infront of her. We've tried to get her support countless times over the years (psych admissions, counselling private psych help etc) she doesn't respond or try to interact

Meds for years (which she often stops taking) that have been upped this week at my request

I'm waffling now but can chronic low moods, negativity and self destruction ever be over come this late in life?

My dad is still very fit and healthy and is struggling that this is their life.

I'm a similar age to your Mum OP.

I've had treatment for depression and anxiety at various times through my entire life.I also think I am autistic but have never been diagnosed.

Because my social anxiety is so bad ATM I requested CBT. The CBT practioner - a trainee - felt my problems were too complex for her to handle so I'm currently seeing a Clinical Psychologist.
I don't feel as though I've made any progress. The Psychologist told me that really the best I could expect would be a bit of an improvement in my mental health, that I could learn coping strategies. But in essence my problems were too deep rooted in my past life and my personality that I wouldn't be able to change much.

So perhaps it may be the same for your Mum: she might be able to see some improvement but possibly not a radical change.

I'm not medically trained at all OP so this just an opinion based on my own experience.

Thank you for replying @Moonlightstaralight - I'm sorry to hear that you've struggled too

You sound like you want to get as well as you can - I think this is our issue, she can't find the will to try

My Dad has had a difficult day with her today (as we did yesterday to be fair)

She's just lay on the settee crying that she's had an awful life and wailing "why me, am I a bad person?" Over and over

I'm clueless as to what to do. I have a very difficult relationship with her but am trying to support when I can.

It sounds so difficult for you and your Dad. I really feel for you.

As you say I've always been very aware of my mental health problems and their causes and have always striven to try and overcome them, with varying degrees of success. From what you describe and the fact your Mum has never cooperated with your attempts to enable her to get help it seems that she either doesn't accept she has mental health problems or she doesn't want to change. And as you say unless she wants to change for the better she has to engage with the people trying to help and the treatments offered.

I wonder if you have you tried approaching one of the mental health charities for help and support? I think that https://www.mind.org.uk offers advice for family and carers of people with mental health problems There also appears to be another charity https://www.mindedforfamilies.org.uk - I'd not heard of this. There are probably other organisations out there as well.

I'm sorry I can't offer any other suggestions to help.

Could your mum have OCD? It’s often a very chronic condition and the intrusive thoughts and belief that she is a bad person could suggest that. You could ask her to complete the Obsessive Compulsive Inventory (OCI) online to see what she scores to get an idea (cut off is 40). Maybe the support she has been offered in the past hasn’t been tailored towards this?

Thank you both. We've been told that the current involvement with the crisis team over rides everything

It's painful - she's actually had the opportunity for a really lovely life (possibly not her childhood but we're not sure about the facts surrounding that) but nothing has ever really made her happy or been good enough

She's not actually spoken to me for almost 3 years until recently after I called time on her behaviour after my wedding (wasn't good enough, she cried for weeks after it but couldn't say why... I had a long thread on here and lots of support)

I'm rambling again. I'm not really expecting anyone to be able to help (and we have the lovely crisis nurses) but writing it down is helpful.

The OCD thing could be applicable to Mam but lots more of a "nothing is good enough, I must be an awful person" and hours of door slamming and tears if something doesn't go her way.