Things I'm ashamed of, do you do any of these?

[letmetellyousomething2024]

Name change but I'm ashamed, I've been using mumsnet about 3 years

When I am having an argument with my partner I sometimes (quite often if it's a heated argument) end up name calling. My 3yo child called her dad a "stupid fucking man" today and I'm so ashamed I could cry

I shout at my daughter. I never did until she was around 2 and she's now 3 and I find it really hard to keep my cool sometimes. I read a lot of parenting books and I trying but it's not good enough because I'm shouting more and more, I hate it.

I also sometimes will say to DD, I'm not going to let you get into my bed tonight unless you brush your teeth, for example. Which I know is wrong. And sometimes she gets really upset but I just don't know how else to get her to do teeth or wee, it's normally like this if she's really tired.

These are the things I hate most about myself and I feel like I'm the only one. It looks like everyone else is so good at regulating their feelings and I struggle so much with mine

It might sound strange but if you’re having an angry day, pretend you’re being watched or filmed. You’d never act that way in public so you’ll act better. It’s how I’ve kept myself in check during times of stress.

I come from a line of nasty women so I’ve had plenty of moments where I’ve felt it coming out of me.

Do you think he enjoys seeing you lose it? Do you love him? Are there good times? How does he react when you lose it.., would you leave…

Another thread, for another time, you need to prioritise yourself and your DD.
You say you have trauma- would you back to your GP, ask for counselling? (probably take bloody ages to arrange, but could be worth it).
Possibly a medication review? Something stronger. Tell the GP you are angry, could you be peri or is it just anger, put pen to paper keep a diary of events but also perhaps menstrual cycle, foods, drinks, triggers, sleep pattern.
Could you source nursery or childcare? do you work? (Just ask yourself this, you don’t have to open up here).

You can turn this around op, if you think it’s you then get help, be strong for your DD. I read somewhere on here that a mum visualised a camera recording her behaviour, then that being played to school, family, friends, it held her back. The shame, guilt, regret etc of being exposed.

I will try this thank you