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Original poster

Why wouldn't you give a small gift?

17 replies

JC03745 · 22/06/2024 12:32

DH had a relative he'd never met stay with us for the weekend. Female in her 50's. We provided all meals and collected/dropped her back to a station further from us- to save her changing trains and presumably saving her money. DH took her to the local shops and apparently he paid for lunch.

No, we didn't invite her to receive a gift, but would you have taken a bottle of wine, chocs or flowers? If not, why not?

OP posts:
graceinspace999 · 22/06/2024 13:15

I would have treated you to lunch or a gift. Some people are miserly. I wouldn’t let her make a habit of it.

AuntieMarys · 22/06/2024 13:38

Never hosted again! No social graces

yourlittleworldfallingapart · 22/06/2024 13:48

How long ago was it? Any chance a bunch of flowers is going to be delivered?

Yes I would always, always turn up with something, or at least offer to pay for a meal for everyone.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/06/2024 13:49

I always would give a gift. Just good manners. There’s someone you won’t be hosting again! Rude and miserly!

Procrastinates · 22/06/2024 13:52

Of course she should have given you a gift but I can't believe you had her stay for a week in the first place, she's a stranger. Confused

MidnightPatrol · 22/06/2024 13:53

I’m intrigued to know why she was staying with you at all, given he hadn’t met her before?

Some people are just massive freeloaders.

We once had a family friends son stay at our house. He was backpacking and so a cheap way to stay in London. We also paid for everything, didn’t offer to buy us a drink or anything. I’ve never heard from them again. Totally weird experience.

Original poster
JC03745 · 22/06/2024 14:36

@Procrastinates As I said in the OP, she stayed a weekend, so 2 nights, not an entire week! She is DH's close relative, but due to her living abroad, had never met.

@MidnightPatrol She was doing similar to your family friends son- visiting family members/friends whilst doing a UK/European cheap holiday. We are very close to her siblings and other family members who live in the UK.

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 22/06/2024 14:40

JC03745 · 22/06/2024 14:36

@Procrastinates As I said in the OP, she stayed a weekend, so 2 nights, not an entire week! She is DH's close relative, but due to her living abroad, had never met.

@MidnightPatrol She was doing similar to your family friends son- visiting family members/friends whilst doing a UK/European cheap holiday. We are very close to her siblings and other family members who live in the UK.

Apologies I misread it as a week but even so it's blooming odd to have a complete stranger stay for a whole weekend. Just because she's closely related to him doesn't make it any less odd, do they speak to each other at all? I just find it bizarre that she would stay with you and not in a hotel or with other relatives.

Original poster
JC03745 · 22/06/2024 15:04

@Procrastinates I just find it bizarre that she would stay with you and not in a hotel or with other relatives.

We live in a village with no hotels nearby, plus we wanted to meet her and didn't mind her staying. Her siblings are all over the UK and she stayed with them too.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 22/06/2024 15:08

So she's saving on lots of accommodation expenses and couldn't even cover the costs for one meal or a bottle of wine to say thank you to a younger close relative she's never met!

YANBU, don't host her again.

Delatron · 22/06/2024 15:09

Of course she should have given a gift and treated you to lunch. But then I’d never have someone to stay in my house who I’d never met. Relative or not - she can’t be that close a relative if he’s got to this age and never met her.

Him and other family members could have met for lunch in the nearest large town and she could have stayed in a hotel. You have no idea what she’s like if you’ve never met her! And as you’ve found out she’s cheeky and rude.

Procrastinates · 22/06/2024 15:11

JC03745 · 22/06/2024 15:04

@Procrastinates I just find it bizarre that she would stay with you and not in a hotel or with other relatives.

We live in a village with no hotels nearby, plus we wanted to meet her and didn't mind her staying. Her siblings are all over the UK and she stayed with them too.

So she didn't pay for any accommodation whilst in this country and still didn't give you a gift or pay for a meal? Did she at least say thank you?

She sounds like a complete freeloader to be honest.

londonmummy1966 · 22/06/2024 15:11

If its only a week ago and she's been travelling around since I might ive her a bit more time in case she sends something when she gets home.

bergamotorange · 22/06/2024 15:18

Oh let it go.

Yes she should have brought a bottle of wine as that is the social norm. But does it really matter? You say you wanted to meet her - was she nice, did you find her company enjoyable, was it fun, will you see her again?

If she lives abroad, you might get to visit her house one day - just don't take a gift and you are even.

Life is too short to focus on this IMO.

In terms of reasons - she could be rude, could not know the 'rule', could have a cultural difference, could be ND, could have forgotten, could be tight.

HuevoRanchero · 22/06/2024 15:18

This sounds like one of those situations where you put yourself out a huge amount for a complete stranger, expecting some indication of gratitude, and then getting annoyed when the total stranger turns out to be a freeloader. I suppose it’s a risk you take when you take on a lot for someone you don’t know.

MateyMusings · 22/06/2024 15:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Torona · 22/06/2024 15:22

If she lives abroad, you might get to visit her house one day - just don't take a gift and you are even

With bells. I’d be looking at flights 😂

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