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Original poster

How would this make you feel

28 replies

JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 22/06/2024 11:34

A friend had mentioned an outdoor event back in the new year which took place recently. She had already purchased the tickets and there was a large group going, I purchased the tickets and said at the time how will we get there and back and keep me posted on the arrangements.

Fast forward a few weeks ago and the tickets have come through on email and I mention transport to be told it had been arranged by someone else and there wasn't space for you. Felt extremely pissed off with friend who tried to twist it and said should have mentioned transport ages ago as if it was my problem we were not included. Decided it wasn't worth falling out over, booked a hotel and shuttle transport to venue and decided to just enjoy the event.

Event date arrives, have seen friend a few times in between, check what time they are all leaving home and try to get there at same time stupidly didn't agree a meet point but feel sure we would spot our large group of friends...and we did... say hello to be told that they have now secured VIP wrist bands, suggest we try and get close to the enclosure and mingle that way oh and by the way they are selling VIP tickets over there if you want to buy them! One of group works for event organisation and has secured free upgrade. We've paid £140 for a hotel because you forgot to include us in transport and now want us to pay extra for something 12 of you have got for free - you have got to be joking! We just smiled said have a great night and walked away.

Now the issue, it is the friend's significant birthday tonight and I still feel really fucked off and will find it difficult not to say anything but it is her birthday and all of these people are going to be at her party this evening.

What would you do?

OP posts:
RockyRogue1001 · 22/06/2024 11:37

Not go

Make an excuse.

And not see the friend til I'd calmed down.
But that's me, and I would be furious if that happened to me

LittleGreenDragons · 22/06/2024 11:38

I wouldn't go. Covid, sudden stomach bug, whatever. But she's not a friend so stop treating her like one.

MoonWoman69 · 22/06/2024 11:46

That's disgusting behaviour to say it was a group event! I'd be well pissed off too, so I don't blame you at all!
Nah, you're ill tonight and can't go... Stop in with a takeaway and Netflix!
Those aren't friends and I'd be seriously looking at my relationship with them going forward... Enjoy your own evening 🌻

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 22/06/2024 11:56

Did your friend buy her ticket with a large group of (her) friends and you got yours after hoping to join their group?

If so, then the transport, VIP wristbands, etc. may have been organised by a different member of her group who wouldn't have known you were hoping to tag along.

Apologies if that's not the right set up though!

Lurkingandlearning · 22/06/2024 12:57

I was all set to agree with the first few posts but @theriseandfallofFranklinSaint has a point.

If one of the group works for the event organisers they probably organised tickets etc for the group so your friend may not have had any control over how you were treated.

I s it possible that person thought you were CF for expecting to be included?

SidekickSylvia · 22/06/2024 13:13

Your first line says your friend mentioned an outdoor event. 'Mentioned' it, not 'invited me to'. Every thing that follows is because you assumed you'd been invited, and you hadn't. I agree with pp that your friend had been invited by one of her friends who is an insider in the industry and it wasn't your friend's place to invite you, so she didn't.

Olika · 22/06/2024 13:13

I wouldn't go as your mate didn't take you into consideration at any stage.

Badburyrings · 22/06/2024 13:19

A friend had mentioned an outdoor event back in the new year which took place recently. She had already purchased the tickets and there was a large group going, I purchased the tickets and said at the time how will we get there and back and keep me posted on the arrangements.

Your first paragraph seems to suggest an event was organised without an invite to you and you tagged along uninvited. If that was the case then I am not surprised they didn't include you in the transport arrangements or VIP passes.

2dogsandabudgie · 22/06/2024 13:24

Sounds like when she mentioned it to you she had already purchased the tickets for her group. So really you weren't part of that group's arrangements. YABU if that is what happened.

Beautifulbythebay · 22/06/2024 13:25

Imo there will be a special table for her Grade B mates.. Your name card will be on that table.. Stay home instead..

MummyDummyNow · 22/06/2024 13:27

@Badburyrings has got it. Honestly sounds like you tagged along to an already planned event that you weren't invited to.

gamerchick · 22/06/2024 13:28

Those people are not hour friends. I'd sack friend off, birthday or not.

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/06/2024 13:33

I wouldn't waste my time attending.

Original poster
JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 22/06/2024 13:34

I was trying to be vague! However, friend said they were going to event, if we could get tickets did we want to go, messaged a couple of days later to say had been able to get tickets so rightly or wrongly l thought we were now part of the group!

Have been out numerous times with person who works for the organisation so would have been extremely surprised if she had not known we were meeting them all at location.

Always interesting to read other views to try an get perspective - still feel very pissed off though!

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 22/06/2024 13:36

Ohhhh... I re-read your post based on pp saying you piggybacked onto another group. Can you clarify whether you bought your tickets actually off her as she did a bulk buy for the group (which was my assumption), or whether you decided to tag along and bought them independently?

EDIT - Crossposted.
friend said they were going to event, if we could get tickets did we want to go, messaged a couple of days later to say had been able to get tickets so rightly or wrongly l thought we were now part of the group!
Did she do the travel organising, etc too or just bought the tickets as the designated buyer for the group? But anyway, yanbu to be hurt and upset and I wouldn't consider any of them to be good friends anymore.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 22/06/2024 13:39

JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 22/06/2024 13:34

I was trying to be vague! However, friend said they were going to event, if we could get tickets did we want to go, messaged a couple of days later to say had been able to get tickets so rightly or wrongly l thought we were now part of the group!

Have been out numerous times with person who works for the organisation so would have been extremely surprised if she had not known we were meeting them all at location.

Always interesting to read other views to try an get perspective - still feel very pissed off though!

Even if you had only been vaguely invited they knew you were going and I think behaved really badly and thoughtlessly. I don’t think it was on purpose but I’d still be hurt and furious - birthday girl and her party could get fucked.

Original poster
JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 22/06/2024 13:40

@LittleGreenDragons we did by them independently but only because friend had said it will be a great night, try and get tickets and join us.

I don't know whether she was part of the organising or just handed over payment to a friend - its not a seated event so it's not as if you were purchasing 12 seats to sit together

OP posts:
purplepandas · 22/06/2024 13:42

I am sorry op, that is shitty behaviour on their part. I would not be going tonight.

GrandesRandonnees · 22/06/2024 13:45

I think you’ve made assumptions here but never actually confirmed anything properly with your friend/their friend. I think this is on you, OP, although I appreciate it stings to feel left out. I’ve done this myself in the past and learned the hard way that you can’t be passive in this kind of scenario.

2dogsandabudgie · 22/06/2024 13:50

It sounds to me as though you're friend bought the tickets for the group but felt guilty because she hadn't included you, which is why she said for you to join them at the venue. Then other people in her group organised the transport, upgrade etc which she didn't have a say in.

Horses7 · 22/06/2024 14:16

Don’t go

thistimelastweek · 22/06/2024 14:45

It took me a while to realise it but I had a friend whose invitations weren't really meant to be accepted. She was just trying to ensure I couldn't say I hadn't been included. She knew being left out would hurt me so she tried to manipulate around it as if I wouldn't notice.

I don't know if this is what has happened here but if you regularly feel like an afterthought then the friendship could do with reappraising.

I wouldn't go tonight if I couldn't go with a warm heart.

SBHon · 22/06/2024 14:52

I purchased the tickets and said at the time how will we get there and back and keep me posted on the arrangements.
Why did you ask your friend to think about transport for you and update you on it? Why is it on your friend to make the choice about transport for you?

Original poster
JustAnotherDayInNorfolk · 22/06/2024 17:46

@SBHon because there was a much larger group, I didn't know who they all were and knew a minibus was probably required.

OP posts:
RockyRogue1001 · 22/06/2024 17:48

What are you going to do this evening, @JustAnotherDayInNorfolk?