Reached my limit

[WhatHaveWeHere]

Toddler crying
Hasn't had lunch
Won't eat
DH not home for ages
Haven't showered in a week
How the fuck am I going to do this
I can't do it anymore
I wish I had some help
Toddler is the most incredible baby
She deserves a better mum

You are a good mum. It shows because you’re worrying about your child. Toddlers are savage. Do they still nap? Overtired? Over stimulated? Will they be calm on a walk in the pushchair, would they fall asleep? If so, go out for a walk and try get some fresh air, if they fall asleep, go home, leave them in the pram and shower. You’ll hear them if they wake up. I found the toddler stage relentless. It gets better, I promise.

Oh lovey!

I'm just finding my feet as a first time mum and although I can't imagine what having a toddler is like yet, a 6 week old is definitely tough.

Remember you got up this morning and that is a massive achievement for the way you are feeling. You are an incredible mum for you little one because no matter how you are feeling you are still smashing it for your child.

I don't know how hands on your husband is but how about getting him to be Daddy after work so you can enjoy a nice hot shower and some you time locked in the bathroom?

I don't know about you but it's great having friends and family offer to help during the day but I feel like I can't be myself sometimes and it's exhausting having to be a host still so I generally wait until my partner comes home.

Does little nap? Can you have a shower and some food whilst they do? I was told not to worry about chores but make sure I looked after myself whilst I had some free time.

Sending you lots of love and hugs and reminding you how incredible you are xx

She's gone from two naps to one.
DH is just extremely busy with work. He wants to be hands on but DC prefers me and cries if it isn't me doing things.

Can't you shower while she sleeps or put cbeebies on? If she can't reach the door handle, you can shut the bathroom door and shower while she plays on the floor?

Put toddler in the shower with you and sing nursery rhymes loudly.
You'll feel much much better after a shower.
You aren't an awful mum.

so sorry you're having one of those days (weeks / months).. it does get better!

I used to put toddler in the fisher price rocker when I showered, strapped in... if she had to cry while I finished my shower, so be it! appreciate this isn't much use if you don't have one right now. but it's a worthwhile investment! x

Baby won't be harmed for missing an occasional meal that she refuses.

Pop her in the bathroom with you with lots of toys to have a shower. You'll feel better once you do that.

It'll all be fine and she certainly won't ever think she deserves a better mum (well maybe for a few years in teenage good). One day at a time!

My 6 week old is the same at the moment so I've shown my partner the things he likes, certain songs, the way I hold him, when he likes his playmat etc and so far it's working and my DP has managed to get him to sleep a few times which is a big achievement even though it might not feel like it.

There are some lovely suggestions on here, showering together, a nice walk.

Xx

It’s tough with a toddler only have 1 nap. As suggested, shower during the nap. Sort some food you can eat easily, like cheese and crackers then build up to a cheese salad with crackers- or anything else you prefer.

My go to during the toddler stage was a can of soup.

You are not a bad mum.

You are an incredible mum.

She won't learn to settle with her dad unless he puts the work in, so start leaving them to it. He'll probably find she settles in a completely different way for him than for you.

Take the shower. While she naps, while she plays in her cot, while she screams, whatever. You deserve basic hygiene as an absolute minimum, and far more besides.

Message DH now, tell him it's a really rough day and that you need him to leave work as quickly as he can today. When he gets home, hand him the baby, give her a kiss and take yourself out for a walk for an hour. If you can stop at a nice coffee shop while you're out, even better.

Put some headphones on, play some music up loud, drown out the crying for 5min.

When you've pulled yourself together a bit, check the basics. Is toddler too hot or cold, hungry or thirsty, tired, needs toilet, needs cuddle. Fix those then put somewhere they can't harm themselves. Playpen, strapped in car seat, strapped in a pram, or watched over by some other responsible adult. Then go take that shower.

Add baby reins, take ice lolly bribes, go for a walk, for long enough so they're tired and sleep when you come back. Buy chamomile tea while you're out, if possible, it's good for relaxation.

Then while toddler sleeps sit down with a novel and escape into another world for a while with a cup of tea, reading calms the mind and you need a break. Ignore the housework or whatever, you need to take care of yourself.

It's a tough stage, especially if you never get a break.

DS was a bit of a pain for not eating sometimes. I had good results with sitting with him and putting something small and boring on his plate while I tucked in with enthusiasm to a variety of things on my plate. He invariably asked to have a bit of what I was enjoying.

What also worked was letting him sit in front of the tv and give him a little bowl with a slice of apple, a piece of cheese, an oatcake (Nairs do nice ones), a bit of shredded ham and one jelly sweet. He would naturally eat the other stuff in reverse order of how much he liked them in order to eat the jelly. Note, this depends on personality, when I tried the same with DD she at just the jelly and asked for more, so she needed to just have a choice of savoury stuff.

I used to strap DD into her tricycle while I had a quick shower because she loved her tricycle, I'd give her a few toys to play with too.

With DS I went to some sort of baby group or class every morning, he was a total extrovert and needed to be around other people. He usually napped much better after running around too. If we were stuck at home for some reason then we had a long corridor in the flat and I would set up an 'obstacle' course for him. Things like tape ribbons or string across the corridor and he had to crawl under or jump over, a circle marked on the ground and he had to spin three times in it, play the toy drum, kiss the bear, he had to hop or jump between obstacles. Then do it again facing back wards, then do it again with one hand up in the air etc.

OP. That sounds so tough.

Can you put some snacky bits out for lunch? Cheese, crackers, sliced apple, whatever you have or what is easy. Milk if she'll drink that. Even a picnic on a blanket on the floor might help with plate for a teddy or doll. DS would always say "I don't want lunch!" so I'd say "cool, do you want a big snack instead?" and he'd go "yes!".

With my DS (velcro baby, toddler, child...), I used to get in the bath with him as an activity. At least you'll be clean and she'll be entertained and next to you. Or if you have a big shower, can she play on the floor of the cubicle bit or in the bottom of the bath while you shower?