Worried about my 81 year old dad,what would you do?

[prinkett]

My dad is 81
Still fit and active and no health issues "touch wood"
He does his own cleaning ,shopping
Goes out with friends
Basically independent
The issue is I worry all the time
He's just started decorating his kitchen
He informed me last night he had to stand 1 leg on ladder and 1 on bench to reach the top walls.
I told him to wait for me to be there to do the rest.
He said no
It caused a argument
He said he's more than capable and refused my help.
I can't stop thinking about him up the ladder
Thinking he can fall and hurt himself
But he won't let me help
He said why would I wait for you to finish work when I can do it on an afternoon between horse races.
What do I do?

With kindness OP, let him crack on with it. I recently lost my Dad and before he died he had lost so much in terms of daily functioning - couldn’t hear, couldn’t walk, and was generally very frail. It hurt him how much he had declined physically. Allow your Dad to be as active as he feels he can be - it sounds important to him and at his age I think it is a case of use it or lose it.

My mum is similar but I did manage to get her to wear an Apple Watch which will send me an alert if she falls. It’s a compromise that we both accept.

Leave him to it.
Call him after work just to see how his day went but don’t make a thing of his activity!

Remind him to keep his mobile in his pocket. If he falls & breaks bones he can hopefully ring for help.

Make sure you have a door key for emergency use.

This is tricky and I've been through this myself. I think you have to respect that it's their life and feeling able and capable will be a huge part of his sense of self and self worth.

With my Dad I kind of trick him (I know that sounds terrible) but I ask him to show me how to do things still (so we can do it together) I ask his advice (so he still feels wanted and valued and not 'cared for')and I ask if he'll link arms with me for my benefit as I like it (it's to help steady him) . I do sometimes chastise him but in a jokey way. It's important to have a relationship as well as caring dynamic.

Idk Dad's need to be needed. They find admitting they can't do stuff really difficult especially to their daughter.

I think we have managed to agree he does all the bits except the bits he has to stand on the bench and he can still do them but il hold his ladder for him.
Let's see if he waits or not