CPR & police letting me know

[Beansandcheesearegood]

had to do CPR on a collapsed man today. I'm not hopeful. Police said they'd let me know outcome. Still not heard anything shall I ring local police station or just wait? Been about 5 hours. Poor man, he was alone too.

Thank you so much for the support. He sadly did not make it. His children and wife have been in touch to thank me. Complete shock to them as he had no history of heart issues etc, he was just walking his dog. My children are primary age ks2.

Oh OP! I’m so sorry. You did the best you could.

If it were me, I would be SO GLAD that someone like you had been there and had tried. It would mean so much, as well as taking away some of the agonising ‘if onlys’.

That means you were doing it right,

You gave him a chance he didn't have without you, whatever the outcome. 🌷

Very sorry to hear that Op. but please know that the fact he did not die alone and you tried will mean so so much to his family. He would have passed even if there was a doctor there doing CPR. But you did such a kindness that you have helped his family. The police will have contacts who you can do trauma talk through if it will help you.

It sounds scary, I feel for you. And I know it sounds shitty, but hearing the rib crack means you were doing it properly so as awful as the whole situation was, you kept him alive and he wasn't alone. Try take some comfort from that.

Sorry to see your last update but well done for helping him. Also, don’t worry about cracking the rib. Chest compressions need quite a bit of force.

@Beansandcheesearegood I am sorry to hear that. You were amazing to step up remember your training and give the person a chance. What grace his family have to think of you. May the person rest in peace.

Remember you have been involved in a traumatic experience and you will probably run a gauntlet of emotions. Mind yourself.,💐

Thank you for giving him a chance 🌷

Sorry to hear that OP. It will take time to process what has happened. Hope you and your kids have someone to talk to. I was lucky I had people at work to talk to, as it happened at work.

You did something amazing. You made sure that he did not die alone. You made sure that his family knew that everything humanly possible had been done, and that someone had cared. That will mean so much to them in their time of grief.

Now is time to look after your children and yourself. Children are often more resilient than us adults, as long as their familiar reassuring parents are there supporting them. For you, this will sound really weird, but please play tetris. There's a fair bit of evidence that doing so in the first few days after a traumatic event, which this obviously was for you, reduces the odds of going on to PTSD later.

Please be kind to yourself. And please talk to your gp about some therapy about this. I had terrible ptsd after the same thing and it absolutely knocked me sideways.

xxx

You did the absolute best thing. You gave him a chance. Bystander CPR is sometimes successful. His chance was likely very small, but if you had not jumped into action, his chance would have been 0.

You should be very proud of yourself, as many people would not have felt able to do this, so please be kind to yourself.

Do not wonder if he would have survived if you had only done more. There is nothing else you could have done. Even in hospital, where we have all the kit and all the team, and the ability to rapidly test for any reversible cause, less than 25% will survive to being discharged home.

The very thought that you tried to help and that somebody cared will be comfort to his family.

Some years back, my friend was killed in a RTA. He was conscious but obviously dying at the scene. A bystander stopped and prayed with him. I don’t know how much he was aware of that, but he had a very strong personal faith. I take comfort in the fact that someone gave that care to a stranger, that he didn’t die ‘alone’ and that he had some sort of last rites, which would have been important to him.

yes I agree with this. I am sorry OP, it must have been traumatic for you. But thankfully you were there and did your best.

OP - the world needs more people like you.
You're so kind to have helped without hesitation in a situation like this. Your children will be so proud of you. Definitely talk it through with someone - it’s a shock to do first aid like that.
look after yourself

Sorry to read that OP , I am sure that his family will take comfort from you being with him and trying to save him in his last moments.
You did a really wonderful thing, be proud of yourself. X

@Beansandcheesearegood I'm so sorry, as others have said you did an amazing thing and you did enough, the echoes of yours and my situations are so similar. Take care xx

When you are ready with your kids sit down with them and let them talk tell you what happened as a story, even write it down. 'we were going to the shops. Mum saw someone who looked really ill. We stopped to see if we could help. I felt scared.' etc

Then write it up but make it clear the end of this story is you all did the right things. You gave CPR, they waited patiently whilst you tried to help. The ambulance came to take him to hospital. Everyone tried to help. And the man who was poorly knew everyone wanted to help.

The end of the story is that you are all proud of what you did. And you know what to do if you ever see anyone who needs help another time.

If you write it up they can keep rereading the story if they feel worried about it.

That way they don't need to focus on them memory of being scared and not being sure what was happening. They can focus on the fact they handled it really well and did something really important. If that's their memory they are much less likely to feel frightened by it long-term.

And you know what to do if you ever see anyone who needs help another time

This is a REALLY important aspect and one you should know negate your kids with early. Obviously it’s not appropriate for primary age students to help in this situation, in a public place where there are adults, and particularly mum who should be doing it. However, they should know that it IS an adults duty to do this and this will be the basic expectation so when they are older it’s just a ‘that’s the way it is’ aspect for them.

All of my kids did advanced first aid courses when they reached mid-teens and knew it was an expectation that they jumped in when a situation arose. We had a similar situation at a shopping centre one day and I was with my child and said ‘it’s yours, off you go’. We were met with a very nice lady who said she was a nurse and would do it and I informed her that I trumped her and that my child would do it, thanks. What better situation than someone doing it knowing they have me standing by as a safety net - which they then understood they didn’t need as they were great, so if/when it happens again there is no doubt in their own mind as to their capability. I think that’s a big problem these days, people don’t see this as a ‘standard’ thing, lack confidence and the ability to back themselves afterwards and that’s where we, as a society need to do better with training the general populace and giving that confidence so there is no looking back with ‘did I/could I have’ etc. That needs to start with people when they are kids, it’s so important.