Notes regarding wishes

[Whocandothis]

Hello

Situation is this: elderly parent currently poorly in hospital. Currently under investigation for cancer. Spouse died a few years back. Has 3 children.

There has been some family issues over the last few years. I don’t want to go into ins and outs but there has been some alleged fraud and taking advantage of their vulnerabilities (that is a member or members of the family taking advantage of them). As I understand it police and banks and investigating.

Social Services (I think) are aware.

One child for certain not involved in fraud.

Elderly parent has had that child made their POA for both health and finance (although this has not yet been certified but is being fast tracked).

Elderly parent has advised they do not want other children to know in hospital. Although parent is not fully understanding their potential prognosis. Also parent is now in and out of capacity (to do with physical weakness I think). They had full capacity at the time of the LPA being signed.

The child with pending POA thinks there should be some notes made somewhere confirming parent’s wishes.

Who can do that? Hospital are aware of their wishes but no notes made as far as child with POA pending is aware.

Is there a facility in hospital for this - perhaps PALs? Child is aware that they should probably not be present at the time of these notes being made.

It should also be noted that the need for these notes comes from a history of very poor behaviour by other sibling(s)/family and whilst the child with POA pending doesn’t necessarily want it as a legal document, they do feel they need something as a “back up” for the future when insults etc get thrown. Which will be (sadly) inevitable. (The child with POA pending is vulnerable in their own right and whist has full capacity etc, they do need to protect their selves in the future.)

Child with POA pending is also aware parent may change their minds and is fully willing to go with whatever is decided at any given time. Their choice would not be for siblings to be kept in dark.

Any advice appreciated.

Thank you.

Bumping in the hope someone can advise.

Do you just want a note made in the hospital records that the parent does not want siblings to be informed that they are in hospital. That should be easy enough, on their admission paperwork make sure the pending poa contact details are written down as the only contact and that no other family are to be informed, if there is a dnr form , RESPECT form that can also be written there. If the parent has discussed this with a doctor or nurse they can ask for it to be documented in their medical notes. In the event they deteriorate or pass away would they be happy for the staff to contact them if poa is not available.

Thanks for response. Child with pending POA doesn’t mind how it is noted. Just thinks it is best to be noted.

Ive been informed that Drs other staff have been present when parent has talked about this, but that child with POA pending has also been present. They are concerned it could be suggested the wish has been manipulated with her presence.

Hospital are aware of requirement not to contact the siblings.

The staff can talk to the patient on their own, if the patient has capacity then it's not the poa decision of what's noted and recorded. The poa can be asked to leave when the patient speaks to the staff, a capacity assessment will be good to have and gives the patient an opportunity to discuss their wishes in private. Am guessing you're the pending poa, it can all get a bit complicated but leave it simple if you can.

My sister was incredibly obstructive when our Dad was diagnosed as terminally ill and he told the palliative care nurse early on when we did the Respect form that he didn't want her to make medical decisions on his behalf. It was all OK when he was at home but when he got admitted to a hospice and was losing capacity due to liver failure, my sister swooped in and had the Consultant dancing to her tune instead of Dad's. It made everything so much harder and I will never forget or forgive her for how hard those last weeks were.

How long ago was the POA applied for?

I think we must have the same sister !

Thanks both. Im not actually the pending POA. I’m another, further removed, relative.

I’m going to suggest that pending POA asks for staff to talk to parent alone tomorrow.

LPA was applied for about 8 weeks ago but it is being fast tracked now because of the position.

That's a good idea especially if it's worrying the parent but don't make a big deal of it or the staff may feel pending poa is pushing the parent. It must be the parents decision. There's no reason the hospital will try and contact the siblings, are they likely to find out any other way,

Can you bring social services on board if they are aware of the situation? They may help the hospital to clarify their position.