Making people comfortable around me…

[MêmePasPeur]

So. I have a stammer. Not a nice, sweet little stammer but a head-jerking-take-5-minutes-per-word stammer. I have had lots of speech therapy (including some great stuff last year) and my self esteem is no longer rock bottom.

However… I find that when people are confronted by a severe stammer, they either a) try and finish my words, b) look petrified, c) look at me dripping with pity etc.

What I really want is for people to listen to WHAT I am saying rather than HOW. I know people are trying to be kind but whilst once upon a time I would have jumped at the chance to get out of speaking, I do actually want to talk.

How can I make people more comfortable with my stammer? I try and make jokes etc but to put it bluntly, I want to be listened to. I want to chat at the school gates. I want to order a coffee without it being a palaver. I don’t actually hate the way I talk, I just wish others didn’t.

How can I get people to listen?

What about a small card that you could hand over to anyone looking particularly shocked / interrupting you that says something like 'bear with me, due to my stammer it takes a bit longer but I'll get there in the end"??

And if you feel you need to an extra sentence explaining just how people can help make it less awkward?? I know I'd be grateful and always like it when people address any difference head on with clear instructions so I don't end up being an accidental arsehole / hinderance!

I used to know someone with a similar stammer, when I was quite young.

What I found really hard about conversations with them (to start with) was not knowing what I was supposed to do. "Help" them by saying the word they seemed to be trying to say? Just stand there doing nothing while they appeared to be struggling? Were they really hating the whole process of talking, and should I avoid putting them in that situation (i.e. just not ask them questions in the first place)?

Once I found out that this particular person did want to talk, wasn't suffering or feeling awful because of it, and didn't want to be interrupted with "helpful" interjections, then it got a lot easier. Just wait for them to say what they've got to say? Yes, I can do that.

I don't know whether others are as ignorant as I was. But it may be that this is the problem.