Are tantrums my fault

[Journiie]

My 2.5 yo is quite the tantrum-er!

even his toys send him into a fit sometimes if a car doesn’t fit down the ramp etc he gets so annoyed

he throws his toys a lot

hes started having meltdowns more. He’s just more of an emotional child not as calm

is it my fault? I’m really struggling and feel like a bad mum

he is slightly behind on speech

It's not your fault. Toddlers will be toddlers! His speech being delayed may be frustrating him and so he tantrums as his way to communicate - he will grow out of it! Best thing you can do is model behaviour, maybe say out loud e.g. "oh no, my car fell off the ramp. That makes me feel sad/angry. Never mind, I will pick it up and try again."

Not your fault, 2 year olds are just awful. (Three year olds too, so just buckle in.)

Seriously, it's entirely developmentally normal, and also very normal if you think you could cheerfully strangle him.

He's frustrated it isn't your fault you might need to distract him if you see him starting or stop his play if you think he will go off. Acknowledge that it's a silly car or whatever.

Thanks. I have been researching and found distraction / redirection really helps. for example he’s been having a meltdown at dogs in public (we actually own a dog that he loves so I’m unsure why and we go to the park every few days, we go outdoors everyday so he always sees them too)

so when he starts I say we have a dog don’t we? And he says yes then I say what’s his name and he tells me etc so it does help

its just because a family member we don’t see often has a son 2 months younger and he seems quite calm and doesn’t seem to flip out as much I wondered is it me who’s made DS so like emotional with melt downs / tantrums

All children have different personalities my own kids had different," terrible two " experiences.

Do you think he might be getting over excited about the dogs and it comes out as crying or shouting? He's just learning to regulate his emotions you need to help him and anticipate how it's going to go.

It's not your fault but it is partially within your control. Ime, tantrums happened more often when DC were tired or hangry or overstimulated, or, as you mention, struggling to articulate their needs. If his speech is a bit delayed, he may be unable to express what he needs and that can be so frustrating when you are so small.

I used to check quite often on DC's physical state, just ask if they are too hot/cold/thirsty/hungry/uncomfortable/needed a run-around/couldn't find their teddy/take off their welly etc. I'd try to make sure these were dealt with before they got distressed..

I also gave them a cosy space at home - a chair with blanket, cuddly toy, favourite book etc where they could chill as soon as they started to get tantrummy. Not as a punishment. But I'd just say, 'You're so upset right now that I can't help you. Snuggle down until you're calm enough and when you're ready let's work out what's wrong.' This teaches them how to self soothe and control their emotions. Doesn't work when you are out and about but can be useful at home.

This could be it? Because like I say we’ve always gone outdoors and we have a dog he is exposed to them

i also compliment the dog and say it’s a good dog etc in case there is a fear element there ?

I really like this cosy space idea :) I might get it set up it sounds good.

It’s hard because he’s still bridging with speech and understanding. Sometimes when he comes home from nursery and has refused snack he has a meltdown and I’ve asked if he’s hungry he says no but I know he is? As the last thing he would’ve had is a small snack hours ago and lunch previously ! So at tea time he’d most likely be hungry
and lately

hes waking at 5/5.30 but by 8/9 is seeming to regret it he melts down and everything sets him off :( but he’s in such a routine he doesn’t want to nap until usual time of 11.30-12

I used to do the cosy space thing well it was just come and sit with me on the sofa but the same it helped them re focus .