I’ve had anxiety issues most of my life to the point I think it’s just my personality. My mum had severe and enduring MH issues, dad not a pleasant man. Mum was agoraphobic for most of my early years. She’s now terminally ill so a different story. She spent her life at the doctor to the point she was banned from making appointments with her GP because she was there so often.
I’ve had a lot of therapy since I was 16, and bits before that too. Diagnosis of CPTSD with OCD and severe health anxiety. I’ve been housebound with it before and OD’d.
I’ve worked really hard to get to a level of functioning but when I’m tired I can feel it creeping back. Last week I felt faint on the way to work, then had a panic attack at the weekend. Now again today I can feel the panicky feeling starting once again. I’m on the bus to work (I work 9-5) and I’m dissociating and tearful. I can’t be tearful at work.
I don’t want the anxiety to come back. I’m terrified it will. I spend all day thinking, ‘what if I panic? What if I relax too much?’ and I get flashbacks randomly re my parents.
I’m not under any formal MH support for the first time in 16 years and I don’t want to go back to that.
I can feel myself getting upset on the way to work and I don’t want to start crying on the bus.