I think I'm old before my time

[Imcurvyandilikeit]

I'm in my thirties and have 3 DC and a DH. I feel like I'm old before I should be. I dress frumpy because I can never seem to find flattering clothes and always feel down about my appearance. I'm overweight but not massively so I think if I wore the right clothes I'd look ok. I'm always seen as the boring parent because I'm the one with a rucksack with a drink, snacks and plasters etc. Just lately, I'm starting to feel like my DH isn't really into me any more and I think the details above are why. We have a couple who we spend a lot of time with and she always looks good etc. I think my DH sees this and wonders why I can't be the same and in my mind wonders why he didn't end up with someone like that. Obviously he has never said that. He is very kind and would never insult me but I can't help but think that this is how he feels. He is a bit distant with me emotionally which adds to my feelings. When I try and bring things up to discuss how I feel, he doesn't like it and thinks I'm trying to cause an argument so I feel like things never get said as it's easier for me to keep quiet. I don't really have anybody that I can chat with about this and just wondered if anybody has been in the situation and found any way to get through it as I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut and will end up ruining my relationship because of the way I feel.

Do you want to change for yourself or for your DH? If your clothes are bothering you why not take a day to go round some shops and treat yourself? Get your hair cut? It’s so easy to get into a rut when life is all about the kids needs and what they want but don’t forget you are a person too! Is there a hobby you’d like to do? One nihjt a week kind of thing, would give you life outside of home and kids.

Are you still having sex?
If you are, that suggests that your husband still finds you attractive.

How about getting your hair cut and coloured. Buy some new make up (if you like make up) and go to the shops and look out some new clothes.

Thank you both for your suggestions. I definitely think if I made a bit of time for myself, it would help how I feel. I think the problem lies with me and how I see myself and if I put more effort into that then it can only help. It's so easy to get into a rut of doing the daily things and making sure everybody is taken care of that I've lost sight of anything else really.

Can you talk to him about it? I think we all get there, we have to really, we spend more time on our kids- just means you’re a good person really!! The thing is if you have to change something, it should be for you, not him, he married you got the person you are, not how you look (hopefully- I’d say so because you sound great- the backpack with the back up stuff, that’s great!).

When I lost myself I started tiny- listening to music I used to love, I went to visit a stables as I used to love horses. I rang friends. Slept a bit more.

Then I shaved my legs, moisturised and put on nail varnish. I’d like to say then I bought jeans and a non baggy top but I’ve realised recently I’m going to have to do something like this because I’m feeling frumpy again with my trackie bottoms and loose everything.

Got eyebrows done in the last few days though and this is what has woken me up. Hugs and best of luck.

Your reply made me cry! In a good way, thank you. I completely agree with the baggy everything clothes and trackie bottoms. The tracksuits are a bit of a trend and I saw that and went with it. I definitely didn't hit the nail on the head with it though but went with it anyway and it's just stuck. I have been thinking about getting my eyelashes tinted, this might be where I start with getting a bit more confidence. I hope you also get to where you need to be for yourself x

Thank you and hugs and right back at you! X