Trigger ED: invited for a meal but I have an ED (please be gentle)

[GlowFlo]

I have unfortunately developed an ED after decades of being obese. I'm now a healthy weight but extremely controlling over my food and have other symptoms.

I have been invited for a meal by a dear colleague who is leaving. I cannot eat. I'd like to go but it will surely be weird and not allowed by the restaurant to sit and not eat (plus I don't really want to draw attention to myself for not joining in). Please can anyone advise what to do? Colleague is a friend and fairly close neighbour and I want to be with her but just not eat.

Go, order a starter, just push it around the plate?

Is there a plan for drinks that you could attend before/after the meal?

Say you have a bad tooth and can’t eat properly till you fix it but you’d still like to go.

Have you sought therapy?

Check the menu in advance, order a salad and if you think you’ll want to go all out, just be extra disciplined the day before and the day after OP. You have to eat so just choose wisely.

I've really bad allergies and I can't eat out as its too dangerous. I usually contact the restaurant and explain and they generally have no issues with me attending and not eating. Could you at least buy a drink ?

Does your friend know about your eating disorder?

Sorry I thought it was about erectile dysfunction 🙈

Would you be able to tell your colleague?

I work with someone who has an ED, occasionally there are social work events around food, she is upfront about her ED. But we are a small team.

Go and order a starter.
I’ve got friends who do that.
Sometimes it’s because they’re skint and sometimes because they’re dieting. Nobody takes any notice.
Don’t overthink things. Just go!

I use to really struggle with an ED. I would preplan, look up menu beforehand and find what i would be comfortable with. Sometimes i would make my own meal up using the sides ect. (I have Arfid for me sensory based, so a lot of specific cuisine restaurants wont have mains i can't handle)

Is it just a meal? Else if your really struggling i would meet after the meal for drink.

Also mentally prepare, the more stressed you are the worse it is. So get into a relaxed headspace prior. Mediate, a hobby ect and focus on the conversation and the company your around. Plan a soothing bath, or hot shower for after to destress.

I think you'd feel awkward sitting at the table with no food when everyone else is eating. Is there anything on the menu you feel you could manage a couple of mouthfuls of? Don't be afraid to ask the restaurant if they can make simple adaptations e.g salad no dressing, burger no bun, chicken no sauce etc. Does your office have someone known to eat anything? Sit next to them and if they notice you've not eaten much they will probably offer to take them off your hands!

The restaurant won't care if you don't order food, if you are having drinks and are there with a large group.

I don't know what the controlling issues are, but as others have said, could you order a starter/side and just move it around your plate?

This is what I’d do.

It’s all about the planning.

Concerned that you say that you’ve developed an ED. You should make an appointment with your GP to discuss this and hopefully they can arrange some help for you.