I don't have time for depression

[Pinktreevillage]

I've felt extremely down probably since around January. I've experienced depression and anxiety in the past and go though repetitive patterns - constant low mood/hopelessness/isolation/counselling/medication. I find that I don't last long on medication as side effects always make it difficult to stick to. Then I'll feel ok for a couple of months and the vicious cycle begins again.
Back in Feb, I had a complete meltdown with work stress and took 3 weeks sick leave. I returned in March and felt ok for a little while but it wasn't long until the random crying outbursts and feelings of failure crept in.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking. Maybe for a handhold? Life is so busy and I just don't feel like I have the time or money to try different medication and therapy. I've woken up this morning and it sounds weird but it feels like someone is physically nudging my shoulder and letting me know that I am worthless, ugly and a waste of space.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Please consider trying a different medication. I found prozac no longer worked for me and had to try a couple of different ones. I know you feel like you don't have time, but please do go back to your GP. Try (when you're not at work) to rest and get outside if you can. It's bloody misery and I really feel for you.

Please go and see your GP,

If you don't make time for your mental health you will make it a hundred times worse. Go.

Please go back to you GP. I will also be here for you as I have been where you are now several times. You will get through this I promise even if it doesn't feel like you will today.

When I had PND I tried a couple of different ADs and didn't tolerate them well at all. However a regular dose of St John's Wort helped a lot. Obviously proper medication is preferable, and I would definitely advise you to see your GP, but this might help in the interim?
(I think it might interfere with hormonal contraception, if that is an issue for you. Please take care of yourself).

Thank you so much for your responses. It really did feel like I had some understanding company when I read them before starting work this morning.

@Icarus40 I went out on my lunch break and got some karmamood St Johns Wort. I'm very willing to give it a try for the next few weeks and then see a GP again if symptoms persist. I always feel like I'm going to the GP with headaches or stress and I think I get worried that this is not only bothering them but also bothering my manager as I feel like I'm always 'popping to doctors'. That guilt is not eased by what feels like monthly early nursery pick ups when my son is unwell.

Thank you all. Feeling a lot less alone than I did this morning.

I really hope it helps. Chat on here whenever you need to!

Do you have any idea of the route cause of your depression? I've had bouts of depression since my teens, and in the last year I've been diagnosed with ADHD and autism (which I wouldn't have suspected until I learned a lot more about both when a relative was diagnosed). I've finally started to deal with the actual cause, and while I'm not depression-free I'm not floored by it any more. Do you think there is some underlying issue for you, neurodivergence or otherwise?

And even if that's irrelevant to you, have a handhold. You and your health deserve to be looked after.

@MorganGorgan I grew up with siblings with quite autism, one of whom needs 1 on 1 support to this day. I think due to this, my own issues were never really spotted. I definitely feel quite flat after a lot of conversations, like there's been some misunderstanding on both sides which is quite consistent with autism. It's possible.