How to be stronger in a world of dic**eads

[Mum2024Of]

I had an incident this morning where someone was extremely rude to me without any provocation from my end. I can 100% swear to this, there is no grey area this person was having a bad day which is obvious and took it out on me (a member of staff at my child’s school). The thing is I know most people would brush it off but I want to not feel like this. My kids are getting older and witnessing this. My son asked me why that man was so angry this morning at us.

I have encounters like this not very often but they stick with me. This will for example stay with me for a few months. I feel a little scared going back to do the pick up incase I see him and why should a grown up woman feel like this? It’s the men I feel like this with if I’m being honest. I’m a small and shy woman in my 30’s just for context. How can I stand up for myself and not cower?

A member of school staff spoke to you like that?

That's not on. Have you considered contacting the school about it?

@incessantpunditry thank you. I did consider it but I don’t feel I can. How would you respond to rudeness?

Can anyone give me some lines to say when people are rude such as this staff member, customer service reps in shops and doctor receptionist! These are 3 people recently have spoken horribly to me but I didn’t know how to respond. I am on the spectrum too which makes it harder but you cannot tell I am so none of these would have known.

Report the incident is the way to respond to his rudeness. The man is expecting you not to take it further so he can do it again. I am certain that he will not speak to a man like the way he spoke to you. Report and make the school aware that their staff member cannot behave appropriately.

The old mumsnet favourite comes in handy here:
"Did you mean to be so rude" which they can only yes or no to which means they either owe you an apology or they've confirmed they're a that.

The other one my dad used a lot is can I speak to your line manager please. That one usually puts the fear of God in them.

Say: Are you having a bad day?

I felt very frazzled by him so I couldn’t even think straight!

Rudeness from a member of school staff on school premises is something I would email the school about, and ask them to look into it.

Face-to-face in that specific situation - I suppose it would depend on the circumstances and what the person was talking about.

I would respond with “Don’t speak to me like that”

All of the above advice about reporting it to his line manager/employers, telling him off, etc, but above all, he acted like this in front of a child!
Totally unacceptable and needs to be addressed.

Depends on the situation and how forceful you want to be back but here are some options - all delivered very calmly.

"Don't speak to me like that"

"You're being incredibly rude/abrupt/patronizing"

"I hope you don't speak to children/managers/customers/patients the way you're speaking to me"

"I don't like your tone"

"You need to calm down and speak to me like a grown adult"

"I don't like your tone/attitude/manner. Can you give me your boss' details please?"

"I'm going to end this conversation now because you're acting like a child. When I come/call back, I want to speak with someone else"

"Shut the fuck up"

Deep breath chin up shoulder back and be calm and factual back - can deflate them - or call them on it - a calm I beg your pardon - type statement.

My DMum always said it was better to reponed to rudeness with icy politeness and good manners - gives you the moral high ground and often throws them and can give them a pause to reassess how they respond next.

With all of these including the staff member - assuming not the head where you'd then have to go to the school governors- there are people above them to to complain about their rudeness to.

OP, in the nicest possible way, you already started a thread about this, or a very similar incident (about a school staff member being rude when you asked where lost property was to retrieve your child's lost shoes), a day or two ago, and repeatedly didn't respond to posters, who were being sympathetic, asking what the man in question had actually said.

Is there some reason you are being so non-specific about this incident, which seems to be weighing unduly on you?

If people are rude you do have to try very hard to dismiss it and dwell on it mentally - I have tendency to go over and over incidents in my head but now try and say STOP to myself and then try distracting activates to avoid cycle re-starting.

I'm ND and think I grew up worried I was constantly misunderstanding and everything was my fault and also got bullied which school told me was my fault - so You can try mentally repeating I DID NOTHING WRONG - and then try distracting activities - something else for your mind to focus on.

People are rude - or jerks or dickheads you can't change the world just your responses to it. Also practise the deep breath, chin up shoulder back - excuse me responses so next time you are less flummoxed.

Saying something like ' I beg your pardon ' or ' you what' could perhaps work .

Depending on whether they have any business talking to you, you may be able to just ignore them.

Just be glad you aren't like them .

Do you think it might be the way your taking things? And not the actual people? 3 people that have spoken to you like a piece of rubbish? Or perhaps you are being rude to them and not realising?

Don't do what I did when a colleague was passive-aggressively rude to me in a Teams chat recently. I replied 'Sorry?' (as in 'I beg your pardon?') Unfortunately he missed the ? and came back with 'It's ok, I've had a long week too'. Took me about an hour to work out wtf he meant, get really mad and then laugh it off (because, in this instance, it wasn't worth my energy).

I'm not suggesting you laugh off what happened to you, by the way. I agree with others who say report this incident to the school and meet future rude twats with a calm 'Don't speak to me like that' (or similar) and a hard stare. You can do it!

Given that we have no idea, on this thread or the other thread the OP started about this, exactly what this staff member said or did (because she hasn't said), I'd hesitate recommending she reported to the school without much more information.