Husband and female colleague

[rainbowsandsparkles86]

DH has always been a runner. His commute to work usually takes 90 mins. A couple of months ago he decided that he would finish work a bit early once a week and go for a run after work. The first time he did this a few others latched onto the idea and decided to form a small running group.

This small running group has dwindled and now it is just him and a female colleague. I started to feel uncomfortable about this and told DH that I wasn’t really happy about him running with her. He told me he absolutely got it and would no longer run with her.

I know I shouldn’t have, but yesterday morning I found he had archived his WhatsApp chat with her. Saturday afternoon he had messaged her asking her whether she fancied a run Monday (tonight) after work. She replied with yes she would and he followed it up with excellent and xxs.

When I confronted him he gave me some rubbish story about her husband also running with them as her husband had also allegedly said he wasn’t comfortable with ilthem running together. I told him he was bull shi**

I said he had shown his level of respect for me after we had spoken about it in the week yet, despite giving me his word, he had done the opposite.

I don’t want to believe there is anything going on, but the fact that the chat was hidden makes me suspect there is.

Ive moved him out into the spare room but he is saying I’m overrreacting and the famous there’s nothing going on. I’m not genuinely sure there is, but feel there is intent there.

not sure what my next step should be?

What about it made you uncomfortable? Is he not allowed to be around other women? Honestly, if my husband had told me to stop running because a man was involved he'd be getting the stern word.

He has history with another female colleague and an inappropriate relationship.

You either trust him or you don't and if you don't your relationship is over.

Like pp I'd be having words with my DH if he started telling me who I could and couldnt run with.

That's pretty relevant information.

I wanted to try and isolate this situation on its own.

It doesn’t matter if others think you are unreasonable in not agreeing with your views on DH running with another woman. What matters is you told him your boundaries, and he lied and trampled over them anyway. Completely disrespectful of him.
If he didn’t agree with your views on it, a conversation should have been had, not just go off in secret.

How was it left, OP? Did he agree to not run, or is he adamant her husband is coming along too?

He’s agreed not to run and will drive home and run from here. It’s the disrespect he’s shown to me that has really peed me off.

He has over the years been caught sending inappropriate messages and I just felt this might start something up. It’s also the fact that the messages from both are signed off with kisses.

Honestly given the history I’d be considering ditching him now. Surely it’s only a matter of time until he does something else which shows you exactly how little he lives and respects you. Why bother? It’s a horrible way to live.

I'd have assumed the lying and the xxs in the WhatsApp chat play a significant part in how OP feels.

Loves*

This is important. You should've put it in your opening post.

Otherwise you sound terribly controlling.

What sort of inappropriate relationship?

Has he had an affair?

No not an affair. Inappropriate messages so emotional cheating.

In isolation, you'd be massively unreasonable to dictate that he can't run with a woman - especially given it kind of "ended up" as the two of them as their running group dwindled.

However, coupled with his previously inappropriate behaviour, you're not being unreasonable.

But, there's a deeper issue here which is that you don't trust your DH. To me that's a much bigger issue that needs sorting out.