At what age did you stop using a babysitter?

[Magnificentkitteh]

My dds are 9 and nearly 13. Inspired by another thread about paying a 13yo to babysit I wondered at what age it's reasonable to leave an older child in charge of a younger sibling? Does it depend on how far away you are/whether neighbours are in etc? I am starting to think DD might be ok to babysit for her sister if we are not far away and our neighbours are on call but not sure.

I think it depends how they get on, I’ve just stopped using one mine are 14 and 12. I don’t go far, and don’t drink. Tbh I’d feel more confident in the summer months, and I’d feel happier if it was just one of them on their own so they didn’t argue with each other.

I stopped about a year ago.

Thanks. I don't think they would argue. I mean, I can't rule it out but I think they'd be just hanging out in their own rooms.

We stopped when ours were 11 and 10, after they pointed out thst the were more responsible than the teenager looking them.

I suppose the difference iwith your situation s I'm not ready to leave the 9yo alone so dd1 would be the babysitter. If dd2 was nearly dd1's age I'd be less hesitant. But then dd1 is starting to grumble about babysitters.

Yeah I've employed a 15,yo in the past and it does feel a bit daft to do that now dd1 is nearing that age. But then the 15,yo would come with their own parents on call if they felt out of their depth. Hence thinking it maybe depends where we are and how quickly we could get back

depends what works with your DC, but personally when I started leaving them, it was with the understanding that one will not leave the other one alone. But I did not put the older one in charge and taking care of the younger one as babysitter. First, for us that would have caused issues, as yournger is very headstrong and rebellious. Also, I didn't want the older to feel guilty if anything did indeed happen.

But yes, depends on the situation - we live in a small village where they know all the neighbours, so it's easy to run out and get help if anything happens.

I'm not sure when I'm comfortable leaving them at nighttime though, as they will sleep through anything.

We've just started leaving ours at 15 and 11 for an evening.

We've left them during the day for a few years - probably since they were about 13 and 9 - but somehow nighttime feels different.

Mine were 13 and 11. Both are/were generally bidable, trustworthy kids who would spend the evening with a can of Pepsi, tub of pringles, snuggled under a blanket watching The bee movie or some such.

We did have an interesting night once, being called away from our date when youngest dislocated her kneecap slipping in the kitchen, but she was 14 then. Her sister called 999 on the house phone, and then us on the mobile, so exactly what we would have done anyhow.

I want to say when mine were 12 & 10, or slightly under. That would be us going to a friend's house 5 minutes down the road 8pm - midnight, or to see a film in town center (15 mins walk).

When they were 14, 13 and 10, I think. Around them. They get on very well and I knew I could rely on them not to misbehave.

It depends on the children though. My SIL's are the same age as mine and no way could she have left them because fights would've broken out.

Someone made a point upthread about the children being more sensible than the babysitters and that hit home. I've a few tales I could tell about badly behaved teenage babysitters.

Dd2 is pretty chilled and sensible. Shed likely be ready for bed and reading. I just don't think she's old enough to deal with an emergency. She doesn't have a phone for a start. So dd1 would be left in charge to that extent.

We started leaving them for a short while for evenings if we were local from about 10 and 13. Once we'd done that and the DDs were ok with it we started going further afield (into London from SE London) for evenings out from about 11/14. We can happily leave them for a day out now and they are 13/16. Not done an overnight but been back in the wee hours and they are in bed so think they're happy enough doing that.

Mine are 16 and 13...I'm happy to leave the eldest obviously but I wouldn't go out and leave them both. They tend to bicker and my 13 year old is quite young for her age.

Situation dependent, but I don't think I would leave a not quite 13 year old (or even a 13 year old) to be responsible for a 9 year old . I think that's a little young, even if they are sensible

When they started secondary, I stopped babysitters, working up in terms of it being a few hours locally to a proper night out not nearby. Sent younger DC to grandparents or they came with us. By 12 could leave in charge of younger siblings. TBH they probably did fight, but never to the point of injury.

It seemed mad to get a babysitter for a child that was leaving the hour 8am alone, using tube to school, then coming home often not until 6pm, again alone.

Yeah I think 13 is the youngest I'd be comfortable tbh. Just thinking ahead. She's not far off 13 though (and will be going into year 9 shortly afterwards, if that makes a difference)

I used to babysit when I was 13, but I probably wouldn't use a 13 year old babysitter now tbh.

I'd probably wait until DD2 is 11, but make it clear to DD1 that the babysitter is for her sister, not her.

I'd only leave them alone if I was a five minute walk away, so at a neighbours/pub at the end of the road type situation. Or maybe if I was very close to my neighbours and they were happy to be on call.

I'd be happier to leave them during the day.

Yes, ndn and I babysit for each other sometimes so is kind of a question of whether she sits in her own house or mine (terraced houses). But I agree it's the age gap that makes it a bit more complicated.

Interested in what those with an only child do about this... better to leave them alone or invite a friend round (would that open up new issues??)

Does it depend on how far away you are/whether neighbours are in etc?

Very much so, and also how long you are gone for; if it is light or dark; how the siblings get along; their personalities; how contactable you are.

Like most of the "How old when..." questions, it is generally a case of building it up. Leave them when you go to the supermarket or something, in the day, when you'll be back within the hour, then build up. Generally make sure they are competent and relaxed in the kitchen whilst you are there, before expecting them to get their lunch for the first time when you aren't there. Ensure they make calls confidently (practice on Grandparents or on you and dh) before leaving them to have to make their first ever phone call, in an emergency. Make sure they know their address and what to do in emergencies / simple first aid. Make sure from when they are little, they have opportunities to speak to people they don't know, so they are never afraid to ask for help if ever it is needed. Instilling rules about not opening front door unless you are with them, etc.