Listening to your gut or your head

[Louise0923]

I’ve was offered a job in a different part of a country, which we’d need to move for. I already know I’ll enjoy the job because I’ve done some temporary work with the organisation, and I know people who work there and are really positive about the culture. It’s a step up pay wise, moves us to a lovely semi-rural town and allows us to get a very nice house. I accepted the position and we’ve found a house but haven’t exchanged yet.

On paper this is the right move for us, and it allows me to start a family. At the moment we are renting a flat whilst I finish my studies in a very expensive area (although if I got job near here, we would still be able to get an okay home).

However, I just have this niggling feeling that it’s just not the right move. I can’t explain it at all, my partner thinks I’m daft, it’s almost picture perfect, but there’s something inside me which is telling me to pull out the move and the job.

Has anyone experienced the same? I’ve always followed my intuition and this is the first time I’m going against it because on paper it makes no sense not to go.

I don’t have another job lined up here for after my studies, and I’m in a competitive field, so I’m quite lucky to have been offered the one I have! Do I listen to my gut or my head?

Listen to your head. Even if your gut is right and either the job or the location aren't right for you I'm guessing it will open doors.

But odds are your gut reaction is out of nerves more than anything, and maybe some imposter syndrome too (as for so many women). You've doubtless worked very hard to finish your studies, go get your reward!

Thank you! I think because I like the area I live in and the job isn’t exactly my preferred specialism (although will definitely get me closer if I do need to be exactly in that specialism) I’m a little like ‘could I be happier here’. It’s also the thought of taking on a mortgage and I suppose getting to that place I’ve been working towards (I’ve been studying for 7 years 😅).

and others in my field have said I should hold out for a more ‘prestigious’ position, but that doesn’t pay bills or allow me to start a family, and surely I can work at one of those places in the future?

Foot on the ladder - decent job that you think you will enjoy in a nice area and you can change jobs and location if it's not right for you?

Big changes in your life - bound to feel unsettled and question things

I think moving to a less expensive area is the right move if you want a family.

I am always seeing posts here from people who have well paid jobs but live in expensive areas - particularly working in London and by the time they have paid for their housing and commute they either can't afford childcare at all or they are skint after paying it.

I think being short of money in the childcare years is normal but to be out the house 7-6 in a well paid job and still be skint is not worth it. I think the balance is better living in less expensive areas even if the job doesn't always pay as much. Cheaper housing, shorter and cheaper commute make up for less salary/less prestige.

In London the high wages are needed if you need to pay half a million for a flat - it makes it very difficult to go part time for example if you want to as a parent.

Moving and big changes like that are hard, there is bound to be a bit of an emotional response. I'd go with the sensible 'head' approach.

and others in my field have said I should hold out for a more ‘prestigious’ position,
is this being said in response to your job off?

Why are they saying this do they know something pertinent being in the field that we don’t or is it just bluster?

I’ve been studying for 7 years.

will you still be able to complete your studies and gain the qualifications you have been working towards?

think because I like the area I live in and the job isn’t exactly my preferred specialism (although will definitely get me closer if I do need to be exactly in that specialism)

will it be likely you will be jump over to your preferred specialism or could you end up stuck because you’re experience won’t look transferable to future employers?

also I’ve maybe missed it but how young are you both? I’m asking as if you want children that needs to be honestly thought about as the reality is as women get on in age there is no guarantee that conception will happen obviously it might be really easy but if it’s definitely something you both want then it needs to be considered when making life decisions (both of you not just you)

It’s to do with the opportunities- you do get better and bigger opportunities in other places, but that’s if I got into those places having not gone to a red brick university!

I could end up stuck but equally I could move over, I don’t think it’s a huge limitation, there’s probably more direct routes but getting onto those are more competitive and this route would make me more employable down the line I think!

We are between 29 and 33, so we are realising time is not on our side baby wise!

With your reply I’d say go for it then.

There is nothing you’ve said that would definitely make it a no for me.

you already know you’ll enjoy the job and you know you could jump over if you decide to but equally you will be earning until that point.

I also think that you’re ages are just right for this move to start a family if you decide to wait and then don’t get offered anything you will put off starting a family and then by the time you’re established it could be that you’re closer to 40’s rather than 30’s which while may be perfectly reasonable no one knows if it will.

if The worst happened and you hated it you could likely move back If you’re determined enough and plan well.

whatever you decide good luck!

Sometimes side moves are required to achieve your goals. This sounds a fantastic opportunity. Take it. Good luck OP.