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Unwanted Gifts

4 replies

Dressinggown64 · 16/06/2024 15:31

hello - wonder if I could have some advice on behalf of a friend? Putting Parent A and B so not outing and NC.

Parent A and B have not been together since before birth of child. Child had legally had to see parent B for a few years but made the decision to not see Parent B when they could. Parent B was not a great parent who had a lot of issues and this largely contributed to Childs decision. Parent B has never paid CM. Parent B has respected this decision and has only seen the Child by accident over there last decade - child has always been polite in these circumstances. Child is now in their mid 20s and wishes parent B no ill harm, but still does not want a relationship.

The issue here is presents. Despite not being a great parent, Parent B always sends Child a birthday / Xmas Present and as they've got older, it's been money. It's not huge sums (less than £100) and Child has always thanked Parent B (via Parent A who has Parent B number).

Child feels incredibly guilty about this - child does not need / wants gifts from Parent B and feels awkward accepting them especially as Child has chosen not to have a relationship. For reference Parent B knows nothing about Childs adult life. Child never expects a gift.

What should Child do? Continue to accept presents (these are dropped at parent As and the child no longer lives there) or tell Parent B to not send them? Child doesn't know how to approach this as Parent B has been known to have issues in the past but also doesn't want to continue accepting gifts from Parent B as they feel guilty for accepting a gift from someone they do not want a relationship with.

OP posts:
ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 15:47

Just take it. If its cash donate to a charity. Then pass on message and say thanks for the money I've donated it to the local donkey sanctuary or whatever

AgreeableDragon · 16/06/2024 16:04

Parent B clearly wants to give the presents and isn’t using it to pressure the child into seeing them. It sounds like the money comes with no steering attached. So, child can accept and give the money to charity or accept and put the money into a savings account for a rainy day.

I think it would be pretty rude and unkind of the child to tell the parent to stop giving the presents when the parent clearly wants to, and expects nothing in return.

Dressinggown64 · 16/06/2024 17:04

AgreeableDragon · 16/06/2024 16:04

Parent B clearly wants to give the presents and isn’t using it to pressure the child into seeing them. It sounds like the money comes with no steering attached. So, child can accept and give the money to charity or accept and put the money into a savings account for a rainy day.

I think it would be pretty rude and unkind of the child to tell the parent to stop giving the presents when the parent clearly wants to, and expects nothing in return.

Thank you!

You've echoed parent As feelings. From my understanding it's the no strings attached child doesn't like - Child now feels Parent B is doing so to try and make up for the past.

A charity donation is a wonderful idea - I will suggest that as an alternative.

Parent A as heard Parent B but has struggled financially in the past, but isn't sure on the situation now. Even though Child doesn't want a relationship, they hate the thought of Parent B potentially going without to give said gift.

OP posts:
Dressinggown64 · 16/06/2024 17:11

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 15:47

Just take it. If its cash donate to a charity. Then pass on message and say thanks for the money I've donated it to the local donkey sanctuary or whatever

Great idea - Child does a lot of volunteering so donating it sounds like the best of both worlds.

OP posts:
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