Is it my fault

[Braith97]

So our toddler is nervous when we go to peoples houses, not in public, not at nursery, not in our house or not outdoors. Just other peoples houses like family etc

Has a meltdown and clings to me doesn’t want anyone else

DH said it’s because I’m so anxious as a person (I try not to be and try ‘fake it till you make it’ with my son to try and avoid picking up on this)

our 5mo was also cryinf today on and off as she barely napped and is teething. Think she’s going through a regression

our toddler has a meltdown when we went to the family members house too

will people look and blame me? Both kids only wanted me

and DH said no kids were having a meltdown but out of the 5 there 3 lived in the house we went to? And 2 were quiet and sat off the the side they weren’t exactly running riot

I do have anxiety but I’m speaking to someone about it too and I try my best not to show to my kids worries xx

Bumping just to see I feel really guilty :(

As far as I know that's a perfectly normal reaction to being in an unfamiliar place. What do you mean by your 5 month old regressing? Again, that behaviour sounds normal for a teething baby.

You do sound very anxious but with a DH like your that isn't surprising! Is everything always your fault? Does he have no input in parenting these children? Their behaviour is 100% down to you and he's powerless to effect it? The kids only want you because you're the only one parenting them from the sound of it!

Sounds normal! My toddler is very outgoing but definitely has shy moments.

I often find with family members they can be very over-familiar and in their face, but my toddler doesn’t know who they are and so is freaked out by them.

Yeah I did say to DH the other little boy his age there was just quiet a bit and hugging his parent withdrawn, our DS just felt the same but reacted with a meltdown

hes only doing it at peoples homes so it’s only certain place

sorry I meant sleep regression forgot to type the sleep bit

i also said this to him , they have 2 parents and I don’t do everything alone?

Okay this because yesterday a grandparent on DH’s side was just speaking over him crying an d asking to hug him hold him etc just getting a bit much and it was even stressing me oit

And DS is weird with this family member I think because he doesn’t see him much

if they have anxiety because you have anxiety, so what.
it is surely a genetic reaction?
this is your personality and they may well inherit it

What was your DH doing to manage HIS child's meltdown?

He's seeing his arse and blaming you cos that's easier than admitting his family are overbearing and his child doesn't like them because of it.

i mean I wouldn’t want them to inherit this from me :( it’s not nice being constantly worried and anxious it’s ruled most of my life

He tried to comfort Ds but DS only wanted me really

I think he compares as well as he has a niece and nephe who don’t do this but are just quiet don’t melt down as much

Just posting for solidarity! I'm quite nervous and shy and my kids are very reserved and nervous at toddler groups and with the other adults at nursery. They're fine with other adults they know well like grandparents. I also worry it's my fault because I get a bit nervous meeting new people. Also posting for any tips! It's hard to hide anxiety from them!

i think most people are anxious at certain situations, but people cover it up and learn ways how to cope

I saw my nephew on Friday and they just wanted mum, cried when I held them. Completely normal and I didn’t take offence. They were feeling a bit off, lots of changes and big group of people.

Kids are different and I'll bet you 50 quid your anxiety would improve if you had a more involved husband who wasn't judging your parenting by the reactions of a toddler.

i agree, your dh needs to step up and not criticise everything

Doesn't anyone read anything about child development? Floating little people out into places they don't know or to people they rarely see is unsettling for them.

If a child clings to one parent for a while it most likely won't be doing at age 10. They go through stages, for crying out loud.

Seems normal. Child not nervous anywhere else so it's not a problem and certainly nothing you can be blamed for. Maybe your oh could step up and parent instead of criticising you

Yeah like if we’re in public an a stranger says hi he just hugs me and says no he doesn’t melt dwon
its just when we go to peoples houses

but also to point out he’s the eldest sibling, there’s no kids on my side and he doesn’t see the kids on DH side all the time

so he’s only familiar with his baby sister and nursery kids who he sees in the same setting with the same people

i told DH all of this

i I think you’re right he’s upset because it’s with his family he’s been like this and has took it out on me

I think your child will gain in confidence as they get older. Lots of parenting of toddlers involves thinking they won't be doing this at 10/15/18 years old. It seems very normal that they'd be clingy in this situation. My kids were the same with their grandparents as they didn't see them very often and the grandparents were over excited to see them. The grandparents almost ignoring them to start with did help and then they let the kids gradually warm up, no expectations.

Nursery is probably that he's just so exposed to it that it's normal. Several times a week, same people, same timings, same routine. Meeting family especially if not very often, probably feels 'new' every time.

Ong yes DH family are very in his face no offence to them

they were joking that DS hates a member of the family who he’s always nervous at - he’s seen him probably 10 times in his life so no wonder he’s nervous?

it’s so silly

but I felt like a bad mum yesterday like I’ve made him be scared because of how I am anxious

Its totally normal for toddlers and as long as neither of you make a big deal out of it, the phase will pass. He'll become more interested in what's going on and start to explore, coming back to you every so often for reassurance.
Your DH should read up on child development, and stop making a fuss. His attitude isn't going to do much to help you manage your anxiety either.

I think anxiety is genetic and runs in families. There's not much you can do about it!
My grandmother was anxious, my dad is anxious, I am anxious and my son is anxious!
Obviously we take steps to reduce my son's anxiety but I just feel it's how we're wired and he's always going to be a sensitive, anxious person. Don't dwell on it. It is what it is. Despite being fairly anxious my son is still very happy child, enjoying his life.